I am and same colors here.

I’m going to start my own pizza brand and label it “now with no asbestos!”.

I’m an independent consultant who works from home 99% of the time. My boss keeps sexually harassing me.

When the fuck are they planning on getting to that destination?

Says you. I call it a great way to kickstart Tuesday.

If you’re not shitting then you need to see a doctor, friend.

Otherwise, if it’s not your jam there’s nothing wrong with sitting it out. In fact I don’t recommend drinking as heavily as I have or take as many fun drugs as I used to (I can still do them but I choose to heavily limit myself) because there are long term consequences.

For me it’s the knees. I can still shit and bang and drink and do all the same fun drugs I did at 25. But I miss my cartilage.

I wear boots and hold a bottle of whisky. I don’t know why they wouldn’t include that on the list.

I’ve lost hearing for stupider reasons. Spite seems downright reasonable to me.

How dare anyone enjoy anything that I wouldn’t or couldn’t do myself!

There’s 7 of them. Maybe she should have swallowed a few.

Warriors, come out to pla-ay

If we didn’t both know who our fathers were and if he weren’t a few years older that would absolutely describe us anyway. Went to school not far from each other and I played baseball against his younger brother, then was on the team with his brother for fall ball. Different churches that were part of the same cult. Similar teenage interests. Same social circles just a few years apart. Same branch of the military and same rate (this is where we went from being aware of each other to being friends). Both married and divorced young. Super similar career paths. Both settled in the same large city several hours from our small hometowns (I got here first, for once) and played music with the same people. Super similar adult interests completely separate from our teen interests. It’s fucking freaky. We didn’t even realize it for years until it was pointed out.

He eventually moved out east while I stayed. I’m one of like 3 people he still keeps in contact with in the state.

What in the actual fuck? I went and looked up the lyrics. I went and looked at some of the things people were saying on xcancel. I haven’t looked at the service formerly known as Twitter in years.

So I repeat, what in the actual fuck? The very loud unveiled racism, the calling a black preacher “more like rabbi” for calling out hate, the glorifying Nazis by saying they drug Germany and the world into the modern age…like not dog whistles. Out and out fucking craziness.

I mean, I knew these people existed. I know some in real life. I grew up near a whole town built on white supremacy and dated a woman whose incarcerated brother was in the Aryan Brotherhood (she cut off contact but her mom gave out her address…I got to read the letters from him and they were disturbing). Hell, a MUD I played had a front end called Stormfront so I ended up in a very bad Internet forum looking for info and even it was tame comparatively. I’ve never seen so many gathered in one place using such uncoded and terrible language.

Jesus tapdancing Christ. It’s a different thing knowing something this horrible exists and seeing this bullshit go down.

I guess they learned nothing from Google Buzz.

I can’t play with my friend because we play the same guy.

Both rogue. Both street tough types rather than the shadowy assassin type. Both used to end up taking a couple of levels of either Bard or fighter and ended up with a swashbuckler. No strength, all dex and cha.

We did play together a few times and would swap out which one of us got to play that guy. The other always played a very angry wizard. Just grumpy as shit. Good at a lot of things, but preferred to either fireball or magic missile his way out of situations. Talking to NPCs? I think I’ve got potions brewing. Must be off!

Before we played together we played the same MUD separately. Yep, same character. We ran into each other from time to time.

In high school we played at the same place but a couple of years apart. I started going when he left for the Navy. The guy who DM’ed there said my character reminded me of that guy a lot.

I want to play BG3 with him remotely and both play swashbucklers.

Like Violent Femmes. It’s punk played on acoustic instruments.

I live and die by my pocket notebook and phone calendar.

I had a boss like this. Every so often when we had something that needed to be done I’d remind him of his previous idea (which didn’t exist) that we all thought was so good and he’s the bestest and smartest manager ever.

It was so easy to get whatever I wanted done.