You could get one of those fancy fake PhD papers printed out for you. It should say you got a degree in flatulometry from the university of Arse, Indonesia. Add more toilet puns just to make sure people stop by and actually read all of it when visiting your office where you have this paper on display.
Ideally, you need to be a girl under the age of 12 to understand this. However, if you are a parent of at least one such child you might gain this superpower through reverse inheritance.