I just spent the last hour typing up a post to put in [email protected] about how I observed a beautiful moment with a father and his 3 year old son.
The son was a fan of a wrestler named L.A. Knight. And he was set to make his grand entrance, and have his match, live in front of 57k people.
We were in the stadium, in line for merchandise. The line was really long. So the dad realized they would miss L.A Knight’s match.
Logically the smart thing to do is bring your son back to your seats. Give up your place in line, and try later. Or evdn online later.
Instead, this dad, who was clearly also a fan of L.A Knight, and wanted to see him asked his son: “Do you want to stay in line? Or go see L.A Knight?”
And the kid picked staying in line. The dad confirmed with him “If you stay in line, you’ll miss L.A Knight in the ring. He’s coming out now.”
And the kid chose to stay in line to get L.A Knight merch.
And the whole moment was beautiful to me. The idea of a dad respecting his kids opinion is foreign to me.
I grew up with my dad telling me to shut up and do it his way. Always his way. Still to this day, it’s always his way. My mom left him because he was controlling. My sisters (who are not his kids, but he helped raise them) don’t talk to him because of how he treated them.
I’m 40, and now he’s elderly, and I barely talk to him. Sometimes I feel guilty until moments like this. Where I’m reminded that still to this day I don’t speak up when I should. I don’t ask for help when I need it. I just suffer in silence, just as I always do.
There have even been times in the past where calling 911 for someone else having an emergancy was the right thing to do. Hearing gunshots on your street. Seeing a woman hanging out of a car screaming for help. But not calling 911, because nobody wants to hear what I have to say. Nobody wants to hear from me.
And at Summerslam, I see this kid saying he wants to stay in line. And the dad just confirms, and explains the consequences that he’ll miss L.A Knight, but the kid insisted on staying in line. Despite it not being the smart choice. It was the “wrong” choice. If I were in that position, my dad would have ended it with zero input on my end. But here this dad was respecting his sons choice. His three year old son.
And as I typed to a wrestling community what I intended to be a beautiful story, I realized it’s only beautiful to me because of my own repressed perspective. Everybody else just would hear a story about a normal dad doing normal dad things. Loving his son. Respecting his son.
And nobody would get why that would make me cry.
So I deleted the story before I posted it, and began to realize that even though I’m 40, and should be past all this, it still hurts, and I’m a deeply broken person.
And now I’m wondering, has anyone else had these moments where they realize that they’ve just been repressing pain for 30 years to the point where a normal loving relationship can cause jealousy, but also an intense heartwarming moment?
I don’t know how to describe it. That moment was just 10 minutes out of this kids life that he’ll not remember. The dad won’t deem it important, so he won’t remember this by now. It was a meaningless moment that in a loving relationship happens everyday. But to me, the idea of a dad respecting his son making a “wrong decision” had me supressing anger, sadness, and heartwarming joy, but also knowing how weird I was for that. And so I shut up, and repressed it. Only in trying to retell a heartwarming story did I realize it was coming across as bitter and jealous, and thats when I realized thats MY issue. And I don’t know where to go from here.
Have you ever had a moment like this?
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I’m soon gonna turn 42 this September. My father passed away a little over 10 years ago ☹️
But guess what? Me and my roommate decided to adopt Brownie the stray dog!
Someone else adopted Patches as well.
I can’t tell if you adopted your late fathers dog, or decided to get a dog because of his passing
We adopted a stray dog from our city park. It’s only more or less coincidence that it’s right after the 10th anniversary after my father’s passing.
I know my father would have done the same, he’s a really good pup, very well behaved and pretty smart too. I believe he used to be someone’s service dog.
That’s awesome. My dog has helped me mentally so much. She’s smart but stubborn. Still wants to do what she wants even though she knows the commands
Yeah, when I was diagnosed with DID
I have had a similar expierence with this, my mother would mostly ignore my input if I didn’t or did want to do something or if I knew she was wrong she would still ignore me and then find out she was wrong and rarely acknowledge I was right.
I never thought about this affecting me until I was watching an interview with a psychologist about 2 years ago and I really resonated with part of it but it never left my mind. Recently I rewatched it and part a different part of it resonated deeper when the guy talked about disagreeing with his parents even though they thought they were right and they listened… I was unsure of what exactly that part was resonating with so I listened to it again. I decided to mix up drink shake mixture but I couldn’t bring myself to do it for some reason I was just locked up about making the drink for like 10 min even though I know I wanted to make the drink. While trying to get myself to do it.
I noticed that there were internal voices that sounded different one was saying
do I want to go thought the effort to clean the shaker though
The other one though was saying
do you even want the drink
AND THEN IT HIT ME LIKE A TRUCK–THE 2ND WAS MY MOTHERS VOICE
Then I was hit with and started processing all the anger, sadness, and anxiety that I felt and didn’t realize I had pent up because of her ignoring me and brushing me off.
Its a tough thing to process and work through, I still am, but I feel better as a person now and more in control of my actions after the realization.
If I had to recommend anything to help, I would say let yourself feel those feelings you were repressing let them out in safe manners like writing down how you feel about stuff or hell I just let myself cry for like an hour after the dam burst it made me feel a lot better. Of course a therapist could help you too but the above two can help otherwise.
Also HealthyGamerGG is a really good YouTube channel with a lot of resources about mental health, it’s where the interview I was watching happened.
I wish you the best on your journey
Yes, I can relate. Not only that but it’s more common than you think.
Broken is a good word to describe the feeling, but not the reality. If you can afford it, taking with a good psychotherapist (I would choose a psychodynamic one as opposed to something like CBT), can help you use the unbroken in yourself to heal that feeling and the perspectives that emerge from it.
It’s important because the perspectives that emerge from it create even more unpleasant feelings. It’s like a cascade.
My dad broke the cycle. Late in life he told me a story about myself.
We were in a park. I ran up and asked for something and he said no. I ran off and then came back, asking again but in some other way, this time he let ne do whatever it was.
His mother, a deeply religious schoolteacher, was sitting nearby, and after I ran off she criticized him for changing his mind, told him parents should never do that.
I think he told me that story for at least one reason.
Any person’s awareness can benefit others.
I’m in my 50’s. Both my parents passed this year. I didn’t go to either funeral. I felt nothing but anger at them. I did finally start going to therapy. My parents were different in their abuse but the same in that they never once in my life apologizes for any wrong they committed. It was physical abuse until I became physically stronger. Then it was nothing but mental abuse for the rest of my life. Admitting it hurts and admitting that its the source of your anger is good for you.
My parents like many didn’t “believe” in therapy. For good reason as it turns out. They knew they are guilty of abuse and feared exposure. Give it at least a couple of tries. If you don’t like the therapist you see. See another one. Be prepared to hear things you will not like. Acknowledge your pain is driving negative emotions and keep trying to not let it rule you.
The best luck is the luck you make.
As a 41yr old childhood trauma survivor myself I have found a lot of help thru a specialist that is a survivor themselves, I’m not trying to promote them unless you’re interested but do know that you’re seen, valid and these moments will happen. Try to find your joy🫶🏻
I learned of my father’s death weeks after the fact. My involuntary reaction was an emotionless, “huh.” I think I was forty eight years old at the time.
I hadn’t spoken to him for over thirty years, and had suffered decades of nightmares that he’d found me.
After learning he had passed, the nightmares finally ended, but the lifelong fight or flight tendency to keep to myself and never rock any boat remains.
My sister has said that she’s jealous of my daughter because we have a pretty close father/daughter bond - something my sister never knew and never will.
In my fifties now, I generally avoid human interaction as much as is physically possible. While I could cite other reasons as to why I’m this way, I can confidently point a rigididly extended index finger at dear old dad as the foundation of it all.
My parenting duties complete, I mostly just exist waiting for the sweet sweet embrace of death when I’ll no longer have to go make money for the man or pretend that I enjoy the saccharin sweet small talk of co-workers who don’t give two shits about me or anybody else, but professional decorum for the win, right?
I don’t even look forward to weekends because those are just two day stints of solitude doing chores so I’m ready to go make more money for the man on Monday.
You are not a machine and you have the right to happiness. I hope you find it.
I recommend therapy, if you haven’t tried it, and if it’s not working, I suggest different therapists, or different types of therapy. It’s okay to tell a therapist you’re not getting much out of their style/your relationship with them, and ask for their assessment of what you should be looking for. Then go look at that. Keep trying until you find something that clicks.
If it helps, in your shoes I would view it as a continuation of your parental duties. When she moves out, or maybe has kids of her own, you can continue the relationship with her and your grandchildren as your genuine, authentic, and - perhaps - happy self.I spent several months last year actively looking for a therapist. I’m not talking a single casual Google search and done. I’m talking months of calling, emailing, physically driving to. The only therapists I could find who were taking on new patients and would accept my insurance were magic Jesus Crystal types whose “therapy” was little more than thinly veiled proselytizing.
Given how it seems people need to go through several therapists to find the right one, I gave up after failing to secure the first.
I almost fell for that whole better help scam but fortunately it was exposed for the personal data mining nonsense that it is before I signed up.
I know it is tough, I know the process is a pain in the ass, and as someone who has been through at least five therapists, it can fucking suck. I really do encourage everyone to keep trying. Having a stranger sworn to secrecy that I can dump anything and everything on is good. The fact that she can take all that information and come up with a plan for how I can tackle everything is amazing
Children are people, so consent and respect goes really far when raising mentally balanced people.
Becoming a parent has been one long strong of these moments. By doing the right things for my child, I get reminded of just how bad my childhood was, and it’s hard. But I’m determined to give them a better life than I had, to break the cycle.
My man - thanks for sharing your story with us. You made my day better for it.
And as I typed to a wrestling community what I intended to be a beautiful story, I realized it’s only beautiful to me because of my own repressed perspective.
It was a wonderful story even without the full context. I don’t know what the online wrestling community is like, but unless they’re a bunch of jerks they’ll enjoy it too; whether you decide to share it with or without your personal context.
We would enjoy that story, I can assure you
I’m happy that despite deleting the original post and not posting it in the wrestling community you decided to post it here after all. There are so many people in the world and even so many different people on Lemmy. Of course there will be people who appreciate your story! I, for one, was moved by it, because what you describe as a normal loving relationship is not as common as I would wish it to be. There will always be people with a troubled past like you or troubled in a different way or people that are ok and interested in other people’s life experiences. All of them can benefit from hearing your story! Don’t hesitate to talk about your life. It can be very good both for you and for others.
What a lovely post. Thank you for sharing it.
I’m 60 years old, my father passed many years ago. I have still not come to grips with all the complexities of our relationship. My wife knows that if we ever see a film or TV show where a parent, but particularly a father shows any form of approval for something their son did, I will turn into a blubbering mess.
That said, more rational me knows that there were many ways in which my father was a good dad, if am willing to take the time to look for them.
I have three sons and a daughter, my greatest hope in life is that they won’t have the same issues with me as a father that I did with my own dad.
Thanks again for this amazing story about how even small things we do can have a great impact, and not necessarily on those we expect them to.
My aunt is very controlling, so I completely understand how you feel. My aunt wants to control every aspect of my life, she tried to rob me of my money to gain even more control over me. I feel like a slave in my own house trapped because of her. Soon I will get out of this situation but you’re not alone in that feeling you got seeing normal people doing normal things. It’s even weirder for me telling normal people of my aunts abuse because most people never seen a narcissist and this deception to gain full control. My aunt plays “I’m so worried about my nephew” but it’s to cover her abuse, so people don’t believe me.
