I’m not a german fellow, but I have a netizen friend who feels incredibly anxious and wasn’t able to get friends in school, due to immense bullyings. They only have friends from the internet, and they have tried to socialize in a fishbowl event but they weren’t able to get a friend there as I feel it.
In my country there is an event organization called havervagy, which has a bunch of events, where everyone is spliited into 3-4 people sized groups where they can get to know eachother. Do you perhaps have something similar to this one in Germany? My friend lives in West Germany, closer to the border of Netherlands.
That sounds amazing and should be turned into a thing everywhere
Absolutely! Damn I didn’t know this thing is unique here.
What’s their age group (roughly)?
They are in the 19-24 range and closer to 19.
As a 26yo I need this.
I’m not sure what to recommend. Usually that’s a time when you re-align your values and are dropped into a new world with different responsibilities. Around 18 you’ve finished school and now start an apprenticeship or you go to university and inevitably meet a lot of new people there. In university there are a lot of different groups. For extroverts/introverts gaming nerds. You just have to go and meet them. That pretty much solves the issue.
If you start working right away (and don’t have to attend school for that), it’ll be way more difficult.And I think the area close to the border is a pretty rural area. Meeting similar-minded people or finding clubs might be difficult. I always recommend meeting people while doing something you like. Because you’ll meet people who have something in common. A hobby or something like that.
Or find a youth center, do some volunteering… Find out where the local computer nerds meet. Maybe a sports club. There are introverts everywhere and the atmosphere of every club is different. Ofentimes you have to try and find out if you’re feeling accepted there.
Yeah sounds like a good advice, I’ve hoped that this sorta event I’ve describe actually exists at you too, but too bad. Thanks for the infos though!
That sounds like a cool idea. What are the plannings around this? Do they meet at a bar, a restaurant, some community hall? Are there people overseeing this? How much do they interfere? Are there transports organized? Is there food and drinks? Are they offered free-of-charge, at-cost, or with profit? Is alcohol involved? Coffee? Do they mix the groups?
I haven’t been in one (yet) but here is their short description about this party.
“Everyone will be seated at tables of four, and every 30 minutes your table and table companion will be drawn again. Neither the topics nor the composition of the company will be left to chance and company. Although we were very nervous about what four strangers would do to each other, it was so wonderful to experience how easily we are open to each other and how much fun it can be that we have since held nearly 100 of these clique-free parties!”
https://www.havervagy.hu/about-us#!
As I see they usually meet at bars or community halls, and there is definitely some overseers probably since this organization has their own website, with a bunch of events listed and everything. Yeah it has an entry free but it’s not much, like 5 eur or something. From the pictures I see some alcohol, so I would guess we can drink alcohol there.
Very cool, thank you!
What are some of your friends hobbies? Sometimes it just takes time to evaluate the people around oneself. A hobby to keep the friend occupied while also offering the friend a platform to talk about could help.
Books? -> Read in front of others (maybe to them?) in some discussion rounds (book club?).
I guess they don’t like sports in teams, but what about sports in parallel, like biking groups? Driving through the mountains with some people.
Computers? The CCC, makerspaces, stuff like that. Go over on a visiting day, introduce yourself and talk/build/program.
Those meeting’s successes heavily depend on the chemistry between the people involved, which can change overtime. Either they get to know each other better and begin to understand each other, or the friend meets different people in the chosen place.
If nothing works, then it can be repeated in a different club/city. There has to be someone interesting around for them.
Yeah this was my initial idea to mention them, I hope they will give it a chance especially after trying that fishbowl event with 80 randoms. I’m too anxious for that dayum.
CCC reminds me: While it is a huge convention and the talks and crowds don’t feel personal at all, they always need volunteers in groups of 2-3 to watch the fire exits.
Maybe a thing they are passionate about needs small groups of volunteers? I’d assume that there’s always some downtime to talk to one another.
Yeah, it’s hard to get to know people that are running around. But you can sit by the workshops or the representatives of some clubs and talk to them. Helping out and being an “angel” always helps. Haven’t done that myself, so I can’t say how social this is.
First of all: Do they want to make real live friends? having only internet friends doesn’t sound too bad, does it?
they have tried to socialize in a fishbowl event but they weren’t able to get a friend there as I feel it.
you don’t get a friends from a single event. give it more time. much more time. some other comment mention hobbies or groups, and i think this is the key: you don’t go to those events because you want to make friend, but because of you interest and you make friends by accident. Don’t pressure it!
Well having online friends are sure than nothing, but they really want irl ones. Thank you for the advice, consistency truly could be a key.
