Image description:
screenshot of r/AskReddit post by u/CriticalGeode . Title only. official phone app. Light mode.
How would you hide the body of a 165 Ib, 78 year-old white male who is approximately 6 feet tall?
Upvoted by screenshoter. No shown score.
If I answer that, then you’ll find all the other ones.
I’d tell you, but I don’t want to be on another list.
It would take a couple of weeks but if you go out and vote it could function.
What
I guessed it was about a certain person who’s in the news a lot right now before the american election… I’m potentially totally wrong.
There is absolutely zero likelihood Trump is 165lbs. Try 1.5x that, at the very least.
Also he is not nearly as tall as he claims to be.
Must’ve mixed up kilos and american freedom units 😅 and similar for height…
Also he is not nearly as ________ as he claims to be.
fill in the blank with anything he’s ever claimed to be
Very obvious…You hide the body at the cemetery
wait I’ve never thought about this
Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead.
You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm.
They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.
I just rewatched that classic yesterday
Well, thank you for that. That’s a great weight off me mind. Now, if you wouldn’t mind telling me who the fuck you are, apart from someone who feeds people to pigs of course?
That’s a quote from the movie Snatch
Vinny: “Well, thank you for that. That’s a great weight off me mind. Now, if you wouldn’t mind telling me who the fuck you are, apart from someone who feeds people to pigs of course?”
Well, that’s just painful.
Though I’d suspect you do want it in the deep freezer for some period of time, it makes the whole “blood and innards” thing much less of an issue to deal with I’d think. At least for chopping and/or bagging
So what you do NOT want to do is try to dismantle the torso. You pop the peritoneum and everything will kind of come out like a poorly wrapped burrito and you’ll have a right mess on your hands.
Oh absolutely, legs, arms, and head are still full of messy stuff though.
I don’t think I want to hang out anymore…
Classic.
I love how if this were a serious post people would be up in arms. But since it’s a shitpost everyone’s ok with sharing their expertise. 😂
New meta: be as specific as possible so that others think you’re being ironic.
Compost bin
Just tell him “hey, aren’t they serving dinner at the home soon? I heard it’s Jello night!” and he’ll leave.
IIRC from last time, someone on Reddit suggested digging a vertical hole (smaller visual footprint in an aerial search), covering the body with yogurt (to speed up decomp), and then burying a dead animal above the body (to throw off the cadaver dog’s handlers).
Cadaver (or HRD) dog handler here. It’ll only confuse the cops, not the dog handler.
Gotta put crushed up glass between the body and what ever dead thing you buried close to the surface to discourage digging
Fuck no, that would only encourage digging because it’s too suspicious.
Good point. Perhaps we also put up a cautionary sign that reads, “Warning: Crushed glass below. Do not dig. No corpses buried at this site.”
Yeah that seems like it should work :D
By the animals not investigators…if they’re looking there you’re already fucked
The animals don’t do any digging. They just report the death smell, and the handlers then have to dig and confirm why the dog reported.
We do a bit of pension fraud
Prop him up beside the jukebox. Fill his boots up with sand, put a stiff drink in his hand… Nobody will even suspect he’s dead!
Consider finding yourself a “pickup man” with a 6-foot bed that never has to be made. Perfect size for your needs.
Wow, Reddit’s gotten really dark since last time I checked
Depends upon what your are hiding it from.
If the white male is a human and understands your language, maybe you can convince it to hide - in your closet / behind a tree / under a bed / behind some bushes etc.
Congress?
Feed the body to pigs.
