From experience, ‘making it somebody else’s problem’ by asking for help, rarely ends well or gets you the help you need. It just makes you an annoyance and look bad, and eventually people (healthcare workers included) decide you’re malingering and/or attention seeking and start treating you even worse.
I wish so many comments on this post didn’t support what you’re saying. And the guy in the comic isn’t even asking for help, just showing that he’s suffering.
The comic character is doing it “right” by not making it the other guy’s problem.
Part of the problem is that there’s a gray area on this discussion and easy to find yourself on either side.
On the one side, “my hand has been crushed and I need immediate medical attention” is something other people need to respect. And “I can’t help you with both hands because one of them is crushed” is something other people need to respect. And “my chronic hand pain makes me grumpy”, too.
On the other, if you’re not talking to a doctor or asking for help getting to a doctor, starting every conversation with “My hand hurts” begs the question “what do you want me to do about it?” And if every request to socialize is met with “Can’t do anything hand hurts”, eventually you stop getting calls.
So what’s the fair middle ground? Hard to say and varies heavily by audience. But people do love to paint on the extreme ends without addressing the mushy middle.
By “guy in the comic” I meant the original comic I posted. The one you posted comes off as mean to me. It’s great that “not great” guy isn’t doing badly enough that he feels the need to talk about his problems and he even acknowledges that he’s considering the other guy’s feelings, while the other guy comes off as, “Phew, I was just making small talk and don’t actually care how you’re doing.”
the other guy comes off as, “Phew, I was just making small talk and don’t actually care how you’re doing.”
What if the other guy is also depressed or otherwise dealing with his own shit and just looking for pleasant socialization rather than emotional baggage carrying?
Is it possible for two people to enjoy each other’s company without airing all their dirty laundry on each other?
Yeh, mental health issues are just health issues.
It took me a while to realise that. A broken brain (whether Alzheimer’s, chronic depression or whatever) is just like a broken leg (or broken arm, or chronic back pain or whatever).
You don’t ask someone with a broken leg or chronic back pain to help you move house.
I guess it’s easier to tell when someone has a physical injury, which probably removes some of the stigma around talking about it.
I guess it’s easier to tell when someone has a physical injury, which probably removes some of the stigma around talking about it.
Yup, pretty much the premise of the comic. When someone has a visible injury, (most) people will show empathy and acknowledge it’s a problem. But an invisible ailment like depression? Meh, no big deal, get over it.
Not that slow, we’re going to be 40% over capacity on fresh water globally by 2030, and 90% of topsoil globally is at risk of depletion by 2050. And what with how hot it’s getting, it’s likely a blue ocean event will trigger the clathrate gun to go off within the next decade, if not sooner.
I went to the ER for chest pains this summer. EKG was good, did a scan, and didn’t see any blockages. They determined it was probably heart burn.
I started taking prevacid and that helped but I still wasn’t feeling great. Doc said to try the three main over the counter heart burn drugs to see what worked. So I tried nexium next.
By the time I finished that bottle I was feeling very nauseous, dizzy and would get sharp quick headaches that lasted a few seconds. On top of that still feeling pain in my left shoulder/ chest area. It got to the point that one day at work I just felt so bad I had to go back to the ER.
Another round of scans and tests and they still said the old ticker looked good but did give me an IV and anti nausea that helped. The ER doc this time asked if I had anxiety and I said sure because at that moment I was very worried about my health.
They discharged me and I went home for the day and set up some doctors appointments. I went to my doc and talked about everything going on and she looked at the test results. Then she says the ER doc says you have anxiety and gives me a bunch of pamphlets about mental health and suggests talk therapy.
I’ve got nothing against therapy and could probably use some, but I don’t think it’s the cause of my chest problems. I was perfectly fine before the first ER visit. Anyways I fired her and went looking for a new doctor.
I found one and set up a physical. We did all the basics and he went over all my tests results. I felt like I was being listened to and we were getting somewhere.
His big suggestion was to lose weight… Again not a bad idea but maybe not the core of the problem. He thought that or nerve pain.
Well losing weight seems more appropriate than talk therapy so I set out doing that for a few months. I’m down about 15 lbs, got another 30 to go. Hasn’t really helped, but I am looking better.
In the mean time I’m still taking prevacid because that helped and I didn’t have any side effects. Except one time I bought a bottle of Prilosec instead by accident. I got about halfway through and started feeling dizzy, and nauseous again, so I cut that out and went back to prevacid.
I looked it up and turns out Prilosec and Nexium are closely related and do have those side effects. Nexium just was worse for me. Prevacid is a completely unrelated drug and does not cause me issues. So second ER was probably all from the Nexium and no one caught that despite me informing them of what meds I was taking.
We also scheduled a colonoscopy and endoscopy to look for a root cause of heart burn issues but found none. The new doc who told me to lose weight said let’s try a nerve blocker so I said okay. Turns out it’s also an anti anxiety med as well… so I think that suggestion was based off ER doc saying I’m anxious.
I decided to take it anyway even though I don’t think I need anti anxiety meds. It’s been two weeks and shoulder pain is pretty much gone which is great but I’m having way too many side effects from this drug. Wake up in sweats, always thirsty, low libido etc.
I go back next week to talk to doc about it see if there’s something else to try since this path seems to be working.
Sounds similar to my journey in some ways. I’ll share a bit on the off chance that some of my experiences might be useful.
I always had headaches and mental health struggles. Hopefully you don’t. I sought help for both. My mental health issues were misdiagnosed (I’m AuDHD, the other stuff mostly stems from that) and for the headaches I was just told to lose weight. Easier said than done, and the headaches got worse while I tried. I used pain meds and developed chest pain that got diagnosed as heartburn. Prescription omeprazole (prilosec) keeps it in check.
I finally lost enough weight for them to take the headaches seriously and get referred to a neurologist. We can’t be sure of the exact cause, but a good bet is anxiety - a very sensitive/overactive nervous system as a result of C-PTSD and autism. I take topiramate to calm it a little, edibles 1-2 times a week, quarterly injections, and I do a somatic meditation. This is a great exercise for pain without a physical source, caused by things like my overactive nervous system.
If your pain is made worse by anxiety, it may help to get in the habit of practicing a quick somatic meditation focusing on the pain whenever you experience it. Otherwise, just keep advocating for yourself until you find a doctor that will help. I hope you find something that works for you soon.
Also, on brain meds: they’re all multi-function, so if it’s anti-anxiety that’s more of a happy accident. They wouldn’t give you a nerve blocker just for anxiety. Side effects tend to lessen the longer you take the drug, but not always, and the time scale is a bit different for each. At 2 weeks it should be starting to get better, at a month if it’s not better it’s probably not going to get much better. Hang in there!
Getting diagnosed with adhd and autism as an afab took me till my late 20’s and early 30’s respectively, despite having been in therapy from childhood and then seeking MH help regularly throughout my teens and early 20’s for audhd related difficulties.
Every single one of my symptoms and problems were easily explained by my having undiagnosed audhd, or very convolutedly (and often times offensively) attributed to a myriad of other MH conditions. Guess what ended up happening? And guess how much the private healthcare cost to sort it all out?
Solidarity yo. I hope you find out what is ailing you before it becomes too damaging!
Oh hey, I have something for this.
From experience, ‘making it somebody else’s problem’ by asking for help, rarely ends well or gets you the help you need. It just makes you an annoyance and look bad, and eventually people (healthcare workers included) decide you’re malingering and/or attention seeking and start treating you even worse.
Isn’t life fun.
I wish so many comments on this post didn’t support what you’re saying. And the guy in the comic isn’t even asking for help, just showing that he’s suffering.
The comic character is doing it “right” by not making it the other guy’s problem.
Part of the problem is that there’s a gray area on this discussion and easy to find yourself on either side.
On the one side, “my hand has been crushed and I need immediate medical attention” is something other people need to respect. And “I can’t help you with both hands because one of them is crushed” is something other people need to respect. And “my chronic hand pain makes me grumpy”, too.
On the other, if you’re not talking to a doctor or asking for help getting to a doctor, starting every conversation with “My hand hurts” begs the question “what do you want me to do about it?” And if every request to socialize is met with “Can’t do anything hand hurts”, eventually you stop getting calls.
So what’s the fair middle ground? Hard to say and varies heavily by audience. But people do love to paint on the extreme ends without addressing the mushy middle.
By “guy in the comic” I meant the original comic I posted. The one you posted comes off as mean to me. It’s great that “not great” guy isn’t doing badly enough that he feels the need to talk about his problems and he even acknowledges that he’s considering the other guy’s feelings, while the other guy comes off as, “Phew, I was just making small talk and don’t actually care how you’re doing.”
What if the other guy is also depressed or otherwise dealing with his own shit and just looking for pleasant socialization rather than emotional baggage carrying?
Is it possible for two people to enjoy each other’s company without airing all their dirty laundry on each other?
Then he could say, “I’m sorry to hear that you’re not doing great. I hope things get better!”
That wouldn’t make for a pithy comic punchline
True!
Yeh, mental health issues are just health issues.
It took me a while to realise that. A broken brain (whether Alzheimer’s, chronic depression or whatever) is just like a broken leg (or broken arm, or chronic back pain or whatever).
You don’t ask someone with a broken leg or chronic back pain to help you move house.
I guess it’s easier to tell when someone has a physical injury, which probably removes some of the stigma around talking about it.
Yup, pretty much the premise of the comic. When someone has a visible injury, (most) people will show empathy and acknowledge it’s a problem. But an invisible ailment like depression? Meh, no big deal, get over it.
I wish the world was a better place too. On the plus side, what with WW3 and climate collapse on the horizon, at least it will all be over soon.
Yeah, but unless we’re mercifully nuked into oblivion, it will be a very slow, painful demise.
Not that slow, we’re going to be 40% over capacity on fresh water globally by 2030, and 90% of topsoil globally is at risk of depletion by 2050. And what with how hot it’s getting, it’s likely a blue ocean event will trigger the clathrate gun to go off within the next decade, if not sooner.
Google those at your own peril.
Long story about healthcare workers.
I went to the ER for chest pains this summer. EKG was good, did a scan, and didn’t see any blockages. They determined it was probably heart burn.
I started taking prevacid and that helped but I still wasn’t feeling great. Doc said to try the three main over the counter heart burn drugs to see what worked. So I tried nexium next.
By the time I finished that bottle I was feeling very nauseous, dizzy and would get sharp quick headaches that lasted a few seconds. On top of that still feeling pain in my left shoulder/ chest area. It got to the point that one day at work I just felt so bad I had to go back to the ER.
Another round of scans and tests and they still said the old ticker looked good but did give me an IV and anti nausea that helped. The ER doc this time asked if I had anxiety and I said sure because at that moment I was very worried about my health.
They discharged me and I went home for the day and set up some doctors appointments. I went to my doc and talked about everything going on and she looked at the test results. Then she says the ER doc says you have anxiety and gives me a bunch of pamphlets about mental health and suggests talk therapy.
I’ve got nothing against therapy and could probably use some, but I don’t think it’s the cause of my chest problems. I was perfectly fine before the first ER visit. Anyways I fired her and went looking for a new doctor.
I found one and set up a physical. We did all the basics and he went over all my tests results. I felt like I was being listened to and we were getting somewhere.
His big suggestion was to lose weight… Again not a bad idea but maybe not the core of the problem. He thought that or nerve pain.
Well losing weight seems more appropriate than talk therapy so I set out doing that for a few months. I’m down about 15 lbs, got another 30 to go. Hasn’t really helped, but I am looking better.
In the mean time I’m still taking prevacid because that helped and I didn’t have any side effects. Except one time I bought a bottle of Prilosec instead by accident. I got about halfway through and started feeling dizzy, and nauseous again, so I cut that out and went back to prevacid.
I looked it up and turns out Prilosec and Nexium are closely related and do have those side effects. Nexium just was worse for me. Prevacid is a completely unrelated drug and does not cause me issues. So second ER was probably all from the Nexium and no one caught that despite me informing them of what meds I was taking.
We also scheduled a colonoscopy and endoscopy to look for a root cause of heart burn issues but found none. The new doc who told me to lose weight said let’s try a nerve blocker so I said okay. Turns out it’s also an anti anxiety med as well… so I think that suggestion was based off ER doc saying I’m anxious.
I decided to take it anyway even though I don’t think I need anti anxiety meds. It’s been two weeks and shoulder pain is pretty much gone which is great but I’m having way too many side effects from this drug. Wake up in sweats, always thirsty, low libido etc.
I go back next week to talk to doc about it see if there’s something else to try since this path seems to be working.
Sounds similar to my journey in some ways. I’ll share a bit on the off chance that some of my experiences might be useful.
I always had headaches and mental health struggles. Hopefully you don’t. I sought help for both. My mental health issues were misdiagnosed (I’m AuDHD, the other stuff mostly stems from that) and for the headaches I was just told to lose weight. Easier said than done, and the headaches got worse while I tried. I used pain meds and developed chest pain that got diagnosed as heartburn. Prescription omeprazole (prilosec) keeps it in check.
I finally lost enough weight for them to take the headaches seriously and get referred to a neurologist. We can’t be sure of the exact cause, but a good bet is anxiety - a very sensitive/overactive nervous system as a result of C-PTSD and autism. I take topiramate to calm it a little, edibles 1-2 times a week, quarterly injections, and I do a somatic meditation. This is a great exercise for pain without a physical source, caused by things like my overactive nervous system.
If your pain is made worse by anxiety, it may help to get in the habit of practicing a quick somatic meditation focusing on the pain whenever you experience it. Otherwise, just keep advocating for yourself until you find a doctor that will help. I hope you find something that works for you soon.
Also, on brain meds: they’re all multi-function, so if it’s anti-anxiety that’s more of a happy accident. They wouldn’t give you a nerve blocker just for anxiety. Side effects tend to lessen the longer you take the drug, but not always, and the time scale is a bit different for each. At 2 weeks it should be starting to get better, at a month if it’s not better it’s probably not going to get much better. Hang in there!
Getting diagnosed with adhd and autism as an afab took me till my late 20’s and early 30’s respectively, despite having been in therapy from childhood and then seeking MH help regularly throughout my teens and early 20’s for audhd related difficulties.
Every single one of my symptoms and problems were easily explained by my having undiagnosed audhd, or very convolutedly (and often times offensively) attributed to a myriad of other MH conditions. Guess what ended up happening? And guess how much the private healthcare cost to sort it all out?
Solidarity yo. I hope you find out what is ailing you before it becomes too damaging!