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Honestly I loved anime growing up but I went on a date with a guy in college who spent the entire date talking about anime in a manner that communicated his big tit fetish on the first date. Like. I would have loved talking about Inuyasha or fma among a few others I remembered really enjoying. But nope. Anime tiddies. So when I read this I’m like… Are you sure it was the anime dude or was it maybe actually something tangentially related to the anime?
Otoh if it really truly was the anime anon dodged a bullet anyway.
This is the problem I’ve encountered. Anime is fine, it’s like any other show/entertainment but it really can attract the wrong type of people. It’s why I don’t put it in my profile. The person I’m seeing has plenty of “horror” stories like yours too and said they avoid people with that in their profile now even though they like it cause of how weird or obsessive people can get about it.
Kinda sucks cause IMO one of the best parts about it is the ability to create other worlds/universes that live action struggles to do. (Think ATLA anime vs Live action)
Ive always felt the same, throughout my life I’ve had dumb asses for friends who would say “oh shit Anon here watches alot of anime” and i feel encouraged to downplay it for fear of being associated with weirdos they may have past experiences with.
Being older now i recognize that would be on them for judging based on a label. I don’t hide that I watch anime, but I cant say I don’t still feel odd talking about it. Especially because its just like any other show to me, its good or it isn’t, I’m not some huge anime person, I just love a good story, i don’t care about the medium.
Maybe anon only watches loli hentai but played it down to ‘anime’.
The trick to being into anime, gaming, and being able to date is to find partners who enjoy the same things.
Or have other hobbies to balance. Anime and gaming aren’t hobbies you bring out first.
That would be the responsible thing to do if you want to make sure you can find an acceptable mate.
But then there’s ADHD and depression to deal with. Video games and anime are a lot more approachable if you don’t have the psychological fortitude to take yourself out of the morning fun pit and go touch grass.
This is why people fail at dating and relationships. They look at it like fishing- that your goal is to tempt a big fish into biting. That is wrong. Dating is a SEARCH. In your area there is somewhere between a few thousand and a million potential partners of your desired gender and age and other characteristics. You aren’t trying to persuade the first one you see to like you, you’re trying to find the one who already likes you but doesn’t know it yet because they haven’t met you. The person you are compatible with will like you for who you are. So when this girl rejects him because she doesn’t like anime, he should not take that as a personal failing. He should smile and say okay on to the next one.
And if you’re into stuff like anime put that shit in your profile. That will attract the right people and screen out the wrong ones. That’s not ‘making a bad impression’, the people for whom anime is a turn off are people who you wouldn’t want anyway if you are an anime fan.
Anime is such an innocuous interest too though. It’s not like hunting, or veganism, where you may be asking someone to make a big change in their life. If she has a problem with something like that then she’s going to be looking for someone to be with a lot longer than green text guy.
Depends on how old they are. I definitely view anime different from like…a 22 year old. Someone from my generation whose primary interest is anime would be a big old red flag, potential for a full neck beard.
However, this person is not from my generation, so I think you’re right, it seems much more common today.
Atup. There’s a lotta guys who think dating apps are akin to ordering a woman online and then finessing the edges and they always get ragingly shitful when they find out women are actually people and don’t want that bullshit.
(This is outside of transactional hookups where people just wanna fuck)
There’s a lot of flawed logic on all sides.
And that’s not even accounting for the inherently deeply complex and illogical stuff that goes along with dating too.
When I was actively pursuing online dating years ago, some of my best dates were the one and done dates where we both seemed to know early on that we probably weren’t interested in each other as long term partners but were mature enough to acknowledge that without taking it personally and enjoy a much more relaxed rest of the date. On one of those occasions, my date even suggested that while I wasn’t a good match for her, if I were interested, she’d give her roommate my number, thinking we’d be better.
In the end it never happened, but it just shows that just because one or both halves of a date may not want a second date, that’s not a failing of either one, necessarily.
I don’t disagree with your statement about trying to find someone that shares similar interests and that one meshes with. As you said the mentality that one is trying to “catch” another person is pretty toxic and not the point I am responding too.
Although as an aside, I would critique the behavior of the other person. Dismissing someone based on past experiences with others that share a similar characteristic, or on preconceived notions of something is pretty shitty. I personally always try and give someone the benefit of the doubt and at least a couple of chances to shine. First encounters are often awkward AF and it can’t always be sparks and magic. (That’s an awful lot as an aside, I know 😅)
The one point you made about the potential number of matches is what I really wanted to comment on. It can often be frustrating and disheartening to have someone make a statement that comes across as if finding a partner is almost guaranteed as long as effort is put fourth (I know because I’m there). For reference my city has a population of about 900k people. I recently pulled some stats from the census and Pew Research to estimate what the actual pool of potential partners was like.
Things like number of people in my age range, percent of people in that age range that don’t want kids, percent that are in the market, etc. I also tried to avoid stacking percentages that have high correlations like education and political affiliation. The result I got was about 35 people at any given time. The half life on that number refreshing is about 18 months as well.
So all of that before even getting into whether we have the same hobbies or interests, if they find me attractive, and other important factors. It also doesn’t help that a lot of my hobbies and life are very heavily male dominated. What few women do exist in the space are usually already in a long term relationship. Even if they are not, I’m absolutely not first pick. I’m not ugly, I’m about average in looks and I do my best to present myself as best I can. Similarly I’m not super successful, but I’m not struggling either. However, when the ratio of men to women is so imbalanced even being in the top 20% or 10% in terms of desirability isn’t enough.
So when someone says there is someone out there that is perfect for me or another person, I believe that statement to be true unequivocally in the same way that I believe alien life does, has, or will exist. However I am not likely to ever meet either for the same reason; space is too large, and time is too vast.
All that to say, I can understand why someone like the OP (whether real or not) might feel that way. Logically you are absolutely right and I don’t disagree, but we are all still unfortunately human and that craving for love, sex, affection, etc. is annoyingly strong and even needed.
That’s a nice sentiment, but there is almost certainly a mismatch in supply and demand for men who are anime and video game nerds.
As a gay man, I have a novel solution to the problem.
Ok, but it’s not like it’s a choice to be gay…
it is a choice.
and I make it.
you’re gay now
*poof!*
That a gayer version of “your body, my choice?”
Getting both uses out of ‘poof’ there
I seriously think that my life would probably have been easier if I were gay. A heterosexual relationship usually requires finding a woman who enjoys my company despite having effectively no common interests with me.
It’s not necessarily an easy problem to solve. I think the woman should have given him a chance and generally everyone should avoid reacting so strongly to “dealbreakers” on a first date.
That being said, Anon can also consider not bringing up anime and video games right off the bat. It doesn’t mean you can never share this. It may be just fine given more context (you are moderate about it, still open to other things, etc.). We all make snap judgments that we regret later. It’s ok for you to help your dates avoid these (barring serious things like hiding if you have a kid).
I’m sorry, but dealbreakers are dealbreakers for a reason. And dealbreakers aren’t stuff that should be treated like it can be changed easily. Dealbreakers are things like political alignments, interest in having children, marriage and other stuff.
And asking women to give a guy they don’t like “just a chance” has not done anything ever for anyone, seriously. The amount of times I hear about women giving the “weird guy” a second chance has always ended in the guy either seriously overstepping boundaries or taking the later rejection even worse. I have yet to meet a “weird guy” who hasn’t done something seriously heinous later down the line.
And I am certain you didn’t mean it that way, but saying “It’s ok for you to help your dates avoid these” makes it sound like you’re advocating for invalidating womens opinions, as if they can’t make decisions for themselves and need help from a man to make the “right” one.
It sounds like you know what I was getting at. I recognize the danger women are up against and ultimately, even for trivial things, dating is a “free market” where everyone is allowed to ditch on a dime. I’ll defend that more strongly than my point above.
I do object to the accusation I’m advocating for men making decisions on behalf of women. I meant my comment to apply for any combination of sexes/genders.
The armchair theory I’m working from here is that the quantity of potential dates provided by online dating has changed the landscape in a way where people are less incentivized to give second chances. That helps some in some situations, hurts others in others. I just wanted to put a thought out there to not stray too far to one extreme of “anything that might correlate with them being a bad date is an immediate dealbreaker, because there are ten thousand other swipes waiting for me”.
Between 1000 and a few million??? Lmfaoooo
Even if you’re in a massive city, it’s still probably gonna only be like 1000 people out of the total dating pool that you’ll get to maybe meet. And only like 20 of those 1000 would want a second date.
You missed the other commenter’s point entirely. They’re referring to the total size of the dating pool and the need to filter that down to something that is both more manageable to interact with and more likely to lead to interactions with interested parties. The goal shouldn’t be “as many dates as possible”, rather “as many potentially compatible dates as possible”. Without winnowing down the size of the potential search group, one would be far less likely to have a meaningful, favorable encounter on any hypothetical date.
Surely you mean 1% chance of finding 1 out of 1000
In your area there is somewhere between a few thousand and a million potential partners of your desired gender and age and other characteristics.
reported for misinformation
All the adverts that I see on my sidebar tell me otherwise
lol true.
There are that many women, sure, but 80% are unavailable, then 10% of the rest are MAGA, and of the final amount maybe 1% are actually compatible.Plus they all have kids 😬
Yeah if Anon had asked first and she had replied “Taylor swift and watching reality TV” how would he have reacted?
“Taylor swift and watching reality TV” how would he have reacted?
Can’t speak for anon, but TS is more enjoyable than one would expect. I downloaded Eras for my wife, expecting it to be long and boring, and watched the whole damn thing and recommended it to my friends that would not have considered watching it.
Reality TV is fine, get a steam deck and game while they watch it. It’s so scripted you can stay caught up and gasp at the right moments without looking up.
Yeah i don’t know much about TS but as an extreme metal fan happily married to a K-pop & K-drama fan, I agree with your point. But again, there’s a lot of signal in those various situations.
The girl in the story has clearly signaled that pop-culture tastes are important for her in a potential partner, while you and I have clearly signaled that it isn’t. Both are very valid.
You’re missing the point.
It sounds like you took my post as ‘anime fans aren’t all losers’. I didn’t say that.I was trying to say that it’s okay she rejected him for that and he should be happy that he won’t waste any more dates on a person who considers his hobbies a turn-off.
I was actually agreeing with you. She rejected him for liking anime just like he may have rejected him for liking Taytay & reality TV. As you said, dating is not a speedrun to making some random person like you - it’s a search for someone you like and who likes you back. Personal interests and hobbies are a great proxy to finding that person. But of course you have to be in a good place mentally, and not ready to ditch your dignity for validation from a random person you might not even like if you were frank with yourself.
I literally had a birthday picnic last sat with a bunch of incredibly attractive and intelligent women who would not shut the fuck up about bg3. Dude lost nothing of value
He killed the vibe with talking about anime, gaming has gone quite mainstream, and is not perceived as nerdy anymore, as 10-20 years ago
Buddy wait until you hear about how anime is perceived nowadays…
Still much less mainstream than gaming.
I was at a house party a couple years ago and had like a 45 minute long conversation about attack on titan with a group of women who did not seem to fit into the anime demographic at all. I didn’t even initiate it. The whole time in my head I was like “wtf is happening right now.”
Ive met girls who spend most of their free time gaming complain things like “all he does is game, hes going no where”. Some people have dumb standards for first impressions or are just straight up hypocrites.
That said, in our hyper competitive online dating bullshit timeline, OP should have thought of one of their more interesting skills and hobbys, even if they don’t do it as often. Something like “sometime i cook a nice dinner on fridays” or “i like to ice fish in the winter” could have gathered more interest than just games. Even sticking to the gaming genre but mentioning a weekly board game meet sounds more attractive than solo gaming. It isn’t necessarily the most fair but we gotta sell our selves even more when trying to connect digitally. There is no body language or other aspects to observe, your handful of pictures and texting is all you got to make a shot, for example, I game more than i ice fish, gaming is less commitment in time, energy, and money, but ice fishing is the more interesting and skill diverse hobby so I’d choose that over gaming for first impressions
Ironically, you’re treating dating like a strategy game. Don’t.
If you have to lie about who you are, you’re gonna get a shit deal
I’ve tried treating it like a MOBA, but I always use my ult too early.
I don’t lie about who I am, i just put forward my more interesting qualities before admiting i play 2 hours of minecraft a day. I also don’t participate in online dating.
I’d also rather a girl recomend we go ice fishing together as a date than play a game online as a date, so i often put forward my hobbies that are easier to do with other people, like mountain biking or going to a rock climbing gym in hopes of finding some common interests we can share in person.
Embellishing? Its still lieing to imply you mostly do broadly interesting things when you actually play minecraft for two hours a day.
I play rocket league for a few hours a day and I would not be shy to mention that quickly. The person you replied to is right, if you put forward yourself honestly then you might actually find someone who likes you. Girls play minecraft too, in case you weren’t aware.
I’m not embellishing anything. Ice fishing is a hobby I am more interested in and enjoy more than gaming. I have more good stories about ice fishing than I do about gaming. I also find it leaves more potential to further the conversation. Maybe she likes to fish on a boat in the summer, or maybe they have experiences from their childhood ice fishing they want to share.
I am a very outdoors person and I’d like my partner to be the same, so when I meet a potential partner, i like to start by finding out if they have any outdoor passions.
You should probably be upfront that you somehow are an outdoorsman who plays minecraft for multiple hours a day.
dude, nothing wrong with playing 2 hours of vidya per day if it’s balanced out, thats about 12% of the available time of a day if you sleep 8 hours.
I don’t get it why gaming still has so much pushback. If he said he watches one overlength movie every day in the evening, there wouldn’t be any discussion here 🙄
Or you could be me, many hobbies but due to crippling ADHD I’m the only one who cares about them and they don’t all jive well with each other’s stereotypical “group” (like say I enjoy running but also enjoy unhealthy eating, for example). Every woman could VERY easily find a hobby of mine they think is neat, AND one they think is “bad,” and maybe even one we share, but I contain too many multitudes of unfinished thoughts and products to judge me on the one mentioned when put on the spot (cause that’s probably just the project I paused today.)
Would anon want to be with someone full-time that they had to keep silent about their harmless hobbies?
You could replace “keep silent about their harmless hobbies” with a great many other things, and people will say yes. The hobbies thing is relatively tame compared to a great deal of self-directed changes/decisions based on the partner.
It’s not just girls, some people just really don’t enjoy anime… me being one of them. I have tried and tried to like it to no avail.
So if a girl was really into anime, that would turn me off because I would assume I would have to at least listen to a lot of anime in my life.
I can understand that.
Have you tried watching anime in English dub? Some anime have great dubbing. Recently “Delicious in Dungeon”. The dubbing is amazing. I would even say better than the original. At that point it is just fantasy TV show or cartoon.
Not OP but the subtitles are only part of the reason why anime is a bit hit&miss for me.
Another is the tone, a lot of the emotions are extremely over-exaggerated and in some shows it goes so far as having the characters almost constantly shout. This makes it hard for me to form an emotional bond with the characters, e.g. I aborted my attempt to watch Attack on Titan after about two episodes when I realized that I didn’t care if any of the characters lived or died with a slight preference towards them dying because they were annoying to watch in some cases.
Not sure if it is quite the right term for drawn content but the cinematography conventions in anime can also be annoying with e.g. zooms from extremely wide shots to extreme close-ups. Kill La Kill was a particular negative example among the anime I tried watching that I can remember.
That said, some anime is perfectly fine but it is usually more the kind that is closer to western animation in style and character behaviors (leaning more towards realistic character looks and camera angles and lighting you would see in reality).
You might be more into the darker more serious stuff like: Hellsing, Ghost in the Shell, Berserk, etc.
It’s a bit like not wanting to watch any TV show because all you have seen are RomComs. There are a ton of Anime out there for all kinds of viewers.
Oh, there are certainly some that are worth watching but overall as I said it is more hit&miss than other types of shows (and it is not as if e.g. live action shows or western animation is always great, far from it).
One thing I forgot that only affects some shows too is that anime sometimes seems to have multiple sub-series for a given series with names and no clear indication for the intended order of watching or if one is a remake of another or a prequel or sequel. They might be great but it is a pain to figure out and if you get it wrong you might spoil earlier shows since you started in the middle.
There’s anime fans (“Hellsing is pretty good, Gundam’s pretty cool too”), and anime fans (“KONICHIWA SENPAII~~❤️UwU NANI!?!?”)
Lots, if not most, people who like anime are in the first camp (sub in anime that people watch these days - I am deeply out of touch and know it shows). Lots, if not most, people think of the second camp when they hear someone say “I like anime”.
Wouldn’t necessarily lead with it as a hobby in a dating scenario unless you’re talking TV and movies in general already. But that’s just me, and I haven’t had to think about dating strategy for a loooong time.
You mentioned you like anime, the chances for you being a pedophile and the chances of you assaulting her DRASTICALLY rose, she did the right thing by gtfo
Absolutely braindead take lmao
Nobody cares if you don’t like it but to say such ridiculous inflammatory things like that about people who like different things than you is conservative tier brainrot.
That post was pretty unhinged I’ll say, but anime does have a somewhat troubled history with how it depicts women. Saying you spend a lot of time with anime, odds wise, could be indicative of a flawed view of women, at least from their perspective.
Anime is pretty broad. It’s like saying Hollywood has a troubled history with how it depicts women, so film buffs are creepy weirdos.
I think the troubled history isn’t even an issue with anime, but more with weeb culture in the West in the 90s and 00s. When the community is male-dominated, there will be fewer good representations of women in the popular consciousness.
Anime is a lot more mainstream these days and millions of girls and women watch anime tailored specifically to them or general audience anime that makes sure not to lose half its potential viewership. When I’m walking around at an anime convention, the crowd seems split pretty even. Lots of independent women artists selling their fanart too. So to say that being a weeb is indicative of a flawed view of women is an outdated and baseless viewpoint.
You are broadly accurate, but I will add that just because a woman or group of women watch an anime, does not mean that it does not depict women poorly. Biases affect everyone.
Can you explain the troubled history the works of studio ghibli had?
I really enjoyed those animes and would like to know what wrong with it.
I can’t say ive seen one that was problematic in that way. Maybe Porco Rosso slightly.
OP, don’t take dating advice from Lemmy. That’s my biggest tip I’ve got for ya.
Is this dating advice?
It might be?
If she doesn’t like those things she’s not worth bothering with. Keep looking.
Nah, it doesn’t matter if she likes those things or not. It’s about whether or not she supports you having hobbies/interests that she doesn’t share.
Exactly. You’re never going to share 100% of your interests with a person, but you can still listen to them when they talk about the interests you don’t share. Anon’s date was a jerk for not even trying to engage with anon’s interests.
Any woman that wouldn’t be interested in anime and BG3 probably wouldn’t be lasting prospect for anon anyway and that’s OK. Find a partner that has similar interests to you (and hopefully isn’t too crazy) and you’ve got a decent chance for something that can last.
They dont even have to have similar interests only one. Its more like anime and gaming is a veto for a lot of women and even men from my understanding. People think youre wierd if you do those. I know someone who looks like your typical gym bro so he gets a lot of attention from women but then they get turned off instantly becuase of his hobbies.
I think anime is much more “icky” for women than gaming. Gaming has gone fairly mainstream now, but anime is still associated with weirdos
For me it’s more that I wouldn’t want a guy who spent all the free hours we have just sitting in front of a screen. I love me some animation of all sorts, also into comics, and would like a guy into games meaning like a few hours a week, it’s very cool if we don’t like all the same things. But- I watch maybe 3 hours of TV a week total, and only gaming is Pokemon Go while taking a walk. Would just want someone with some more active habits, if everything they liked involved sitting in a dark room that’s not going to be a good match. One thing I like about my husband is that he works out every day, walks the dogs, is active physically.
I think it depends on how OP said it and what exactly they said. There’s a certain type of anime viewer that women (rightfully) are worried to be around. I’m sure this wasn’t the only thing that happened, but when they said anime it confirmed everything she was thinking.
Sooo true! Every friend I have that has a partner/so has or is playing BG3 together. I love hearing them talk about their adventures and always giggle when they get to the romantic side of things - never any jealousy, just cheering each other on 🤭
Can confirm. My wife is a gamer and we watch anime together. Life is great :)
Fake: Anon had the courage to talk with a girl
Gay: anime
I feel like bg3 is gayer tbh
I mean have you SEEN Astarion? I’m not straight enough to say no to that!
Anon realizes that normie women typically suck.
I mean… Did they not say what their hobbies were before they met? How do you go on a date with someone without knowing anything about them?
Probably didn’t have them on the app profile. She liked how he looked, and he may have approached her profile/responded to her message, in a way that socially acceptable to her, and nothing on his profile was a red flag to what she was looking for, so she agreed to meet him for coffee. Then, upon being told his hobbies are watching anime, and he has playing a video game, she lost interest, not what she was looking for though he was otherwise acceptable.
Some people go on dates to learn more about people.
But, if any of this story actually happened (which it didn’t, but I’m sure has happened), I agree anyone so petty as to decide anime and video games is wrong for a young person…would want to do more homework before wasting their time.
Or maybe just wanted free coffee.
maybe just wanted free coffee. Better a $2-3 coffee than a $20+ dinner
I def agree about the level of happened that is going on here, but in defense of this fictional date: while it’s not always good to judge a book by its cover…if I’m being honest with myself, I’d have a certain image in mind and a certain reaction if I met someone at a party and just in conversation, not even a date, asked what they were into and the response was “anime and one specific video game”.
I mean, I wouldn’t stop talking to them, but I’d certainly have preconceived notions that I’d be very surprised if they were very inaccurate.
And it’s not so much that it’s wrong, as that it gives me insight into the type of person I’m talking to. And honestly, if I were looking to date, and this person matched my preferred gender, appearance, etc…well…an answer like that would certainly be a “yellow flag” and a clue that I may not be so compatible with this person, based on others I’ve met with similar interests.
Mind you, it certainly doesn’t justify any rudeness, but it’s a coffee date. She owes OP nothing. And while she could have been nicer, limiting conversation and politely excusing herself at her earliest convenience isn’t the worst thing she could’ve done.
The bad ending:
> learn not to talk about anime and gaming
> change hobbies instantly for a woman
> long-term relationship but miserablePros: Having sex.
Cons: Has to know the names of everybody on Love Island.
I feel personally attacked. Love Island is wonderful trash okay? 🤣
