I don’t think that at all. I think you’re struggling and this is a cry for help. I’m just trying to give you a stick. (Like https://boggletheowl.tumblr.com/post/41509206591/ive-been-getting-a-lot-of-these-lately-and-i )
Unfortunately no one outside yourself will be able to save you on this one. You have to decide to make effort to improve. Especially if you’re not in the financial position to get professional help. Good luck and I wish you the best.
Your options are to continue to be miserable or work on yourself. You don’t seem to want to do the work, but you do a good job pulling down excuses.
I’ve mentioned plenty of ways to get around being broke. But you don’t want help. You want to complain. Hopefully some day you’ll get past that. I wish you luck with your health issues.
Changing yourself is not erasing yourself. It’s improving yourself. ‘Old and weird’? Nah, I got lots of old weirdos that are an absolute delight in my life.
Okay, you’re not a bad person. How is someone supposed to know that? What do you do? Tell me about yourself, but don’t say stuff about what you are. Tell me what you do. 3 things.
Chances are the more you do, the more you’ll find yourself around people that will find what you do desirable.
“being unlucky” - aren’t we all, at least sometimes? “Unable to be social” - believe it or not, this is a learnable skill! Google or YouTube ‘how to make friendly conversation’ “Having no one around” - are you living alone in a forest where you must hunt/gather all your food? Even if that is the case, you clearly have the Internet! “Being a failed adult” - again, all adult skills are learned skills. That’s why babies are so bad at adulting. “No job or money” - those are things you can get! The more skills you have, the easier it will be! “To offer any woman” - If your goal is a GF, get skills that make you a desirable partner.
Plenty of good qualities don’t cost a dime.
Edit: and you are totally capable. It’s just going to take effort, which, judging from your replies, you don’t want to put in. Can’t help with that part.
I’ll say it again. Kill the part of yourself that resists change or it will kill you.
I have AuADHD. Executive dysfunction so bad I will look at clothes next to the laundry basket and say “those go in the basket” and then walk away. Then do it again 10 more times in the next half hour. I get it. I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s very much not. But you gotta walk away from your learned helplessness or nothing will ever change.
My point before was that small steps are still steps. Most skills are learned in tiny increments. You won’t be able to look back and see progress for a bit. That doesn’t mean there’s no progress. If your goal is to feel bad for yourself you’re succeeding. But if it’s to become a functioning adult then you gotta start somewhere sometime. Yesterday was the best time to start but today is the second best.
I responded elsewhere as well, but I want to say this here too: you clearly have some issues, and it can be really hard to deal with that when you’re not in a good mental or financial place, but I encourage you to find a way.
Pick something. Anything at all, that you are interested in learning or doing and google it. Learn a skill. You’re worth the time it takes. Start working towards a way to be a success on something. Anything. Learn to be a good cook. Learn to code. Learn to juggle (admittedly less helpful in the real world, but at least interesting). It doesn’t matter what but start working some kind of improvement. When I was a baby, I couldn’t do anything for myself, but turns out if you do something enough times you learn anyway.
This isn’t about the sex thing. It’s about you feeling stuck and unable to move forward. It’s about you feeling like a failure and being mad at yourself for feeling that way. Your brain will resist change. Kill the part of you that refuses change before it kills you.
You don’t have to sit stagnant even if it feels helpless. I promise that by doing something, anything, you’ll start to feel a tiny bit better week over week. And some day, you’ll look back on this question and know the answer (assuming that’s a goal of yours).
Then go get some qualities that are worth shit in the real world.
Hey I’m a swing state voter! Can I sign up myself for the money? I will sign saying I support the first and second amendments (I really like that part in the second about the “well regulated militia”). I mean, $47 is $47.
It’s because in the majority of cultures (and hegemonic cultures today) have had men at the top of their hierarchical structure and there are more straight men. The male gaze makes women into sexual objects, culturally we see women as inherently sexy as a result.
This is the same when you see little kids given dolls with different skin colors and told to pick the “good” and “bad” doll. Even children of color pick the white doll for the good one. Because “normal” or “default” means good. In the case of sexual attraction in a straight male dominated society, that means sexual attraction to women.
Edited: I accidentally pushed the post button too soon…
This is the best thing I’ve read all week.
While this is indeed a list, it pales in comparison to what you can do in or near a large city.
I enjoy a ton of things on your list but there’s stuff you just can’t easily do outside of a metro area. Especially stuff you need a specialized teacher for.
If the job requires you to be at your desk then presumably that means you have work to complete. Judge people for what they get done, not how often they mindlessly move a mouse and this wouldn’t be a problem!
This is ridiculous! We will never have a teenage president because you have to be 35 to run. Proof the whole thing is rigged.
Attacked for being the “wrong kind of straight couple”? I’m not saying it doesn’t happen but I don’t know that I’ve seen any actual attacks for that. Plenty of people preaching that women should stay home in the kitchen or whatever, but on average, social media alone has tipped that scale, I think.
You seem to be under the impression that straight couples in media are only ever married with 2.5 kids with a working father and stay at home mom but that really doesn’t seem like it’s been the case for a while.
While polyamory is probably still underrepresented, I’m not sure about your other examples. Also polyamory often includes at least one LGBTQ+ relationship so I’m not sure it makes your point. And a trans person in a heterosexual relationship falls at least half into LGBTQ+ by definition.
Most rom coms aren’t about married couples with kids. Most sit coms show relationships where both partners work. The old trope of the dad who knows nothing about his kids is pretty dead at this point. Divorced and widowed couples show up a lot, too.
I don’t think you’re wrong that all kinds of relationships and gender expressions should be represented, but comparing it to the overall lack of LGBTQ+ rep out there… Well, one of these things is not like the other.
Also, my sister works and her husband is a stay at home dad. When people hear this they say “oh” and move on. When I mention my nephew is trans… Well the reaction is different. Very different. As stupid as it sounds, media representation plays a huge role in exposing people to things they don’t get the chance to see often in their own lives (especially if you’re from a small town). It’s good for people to see trans characters they like and relate to before they find out about my nephew. I actually use it as a gauge to decide if I should tell people at all.
So long as straight is the assumption (or default), we are gonna need these kinds of spaces.
Will the other Friday be shorter, too? Because otherwise they’re getting an extra hour out of you every other week.
I do this at my job (my choice). I do 7 to 4:30 with a half hour for lunch. I don’t actually take the lunch when I’m in the office since there’s no place other than my desk to be, and thankfully my supervisor is fine with me just leaving at 4. When I’m at home I try to actually be away from my office for that time.
I do like 3 day weekends and when I’m WFH I don’t even notice the 9 hour days. Idk if I’d do it for a job I had to be in the office every day for, but hopefully it will work for you.
This is why work from home is so valuable to me. They don’t pay me well enough to have a commute under 45 mins because the cost of living in the city is high as heck. And there’s no public transit option. So basically that’s 1.5 hours a day that I’m not losing to being stupid traffic
Technically I come in at 7 and leave at 4:30, but it’s a 9 hour day (30 min unpaid lunch) and I get every other Friday off in exchange. Also most days I work from home. No way in heck I’d ever go in for something like that.
OP, start job shopping. Longer hours are a sign the business isn’t doing all that well and they’re trying to squeeze out some more labor. Or a sign they’re doing well but are not interested in taking care of people by hiring enough staff and would rather you burn yourself out.
I’m from the rural South and there are plenty of ostentatious displays of wealth. Particularly surrounding how your home looks - decorating for every single holiday for no reason comes to mind.
Plenty of rural Americans are super poor. It generally takes more money to live in the city so that should make some sense. I grew up rural poor - my family were partially subsistence farmers, cutting our grocery bill.
To answer the question from OP - I’m not sure I count as properly middle class but I’m definitely more stable than I was growing up, so I’ll say my biggest changes are being more conscious of what I look and smell like. When you’re poor, everything smells like whatever’s on sale. I have kept my tendency to overbuy during sales for anything is shelf stable for long periods of time even if I already have plenty.