Knock knock

Who’s there?

Who.

Who who?

You’re making a good owl!

My parents told me this was my favorite joke when I was around your daughter’s age. Apparently I used the joke non-stop and my parents still laughed every time because of how much I cracked up at my own joke.

People who don’t return their cart to the cart corral in the grocery store parking lot

Feeling your butt cheeks on the toilet seat just before you lose the battle to hold everything in.

Ned is a lucky bastard, I’ve never gotten to hold more than two kittens at the same time.

Navy seals are a bunch of fucking arrogant chodes

What about races where all candidates are hirsute?

• in my jurisdiction, you have to meet certain criteria to be eligible for a mail in ballot, they don’t just get handed out willy nilly
• i don’t trust the post office with anything vitally important, like a ballot or money
• the early voting place is pretty close to my work, close enough that i hit it up a week and change ago on my lunch break

What are the odds of Nebraska Spiderman tweaking his costume to use the same shade of red as NU?

Don’t they each win like ten cents or something?

Lol I didn’t realize that the pankakke version wasn’t the original.

It’s a tongue in cheek way of referring to neurodivergence. The same way that someone might refer to neurotypical as neurobland.

Not having any signs or traits of being neurospicy

In a league full of raging assholes who’ve been coddled since elementary school for being good at football, thereby allowing them to avoid consequences at an absurd rate, this guy is probably the least sympathetic of them all.

I won’t say I’m happy to see him get injured, but I don’t have one iota of sympathy for him or for the Jerry Jones-level idiots in the Browns management who gave him such an absurd contract.

Aside from his victims, about the only people in this I feel sorry for are the Browns fanbase.

I <3 Tamago

If Jerruh truly wants the best for his team, he’ll step back from all his duties other than being a grandfather with whatever time he has left on this earth. Otherwise, I’m sure fans of other NFC East teams will continue to enjoy the spectacle of self-sabotage. If only the Yankees, Lakers, Bama, and Duke were this good at shooting themselves in the foot…

Standing by his man until a better one comes available.

<3 Bitty

Do you have a recent picture of her you’re willing to share?

I once drove drunk. This was long enough ago the statute of limitations has expired. I shouldn’t have done it, I was really lucky that I didn’t hurt someone or get arrested. For the next 15ish years that I still drank, my limit was 1 drink if I was driving.

This was before Uber & Lyft were a thing, but I still could’ve made arrangements with the bar manager “look dude your bartenders kept serving me when I was visibly drunk, so let me leave my car here overnight without towing it so I can take a cab home, and I won’t say shit to anyone.”

I’d always heard if you’re presenting in front of a crowd and rip a fart, say something to the effect of “I was hoping to finish with a bang, not start with one.” But I’m not sure how relevant that is for OP’s situation.

Thanks for finding & sharing the original, it’s a lot less gross than the caption supplied on this post.