I mean like people like parents/siblings/spouses/significant others/kids/roomates/housemates…
I mean, I have paranoia about other things too (such as germaphobia/mysophobia), but specifically on this issue of people snooping, is amongst one of my top fears, and I’m just curious if other have this similar fear/paranoia.
Like every time I wake up, I wonder if my parents or brother put some malware/spyware on my phone because they think its a funny prank or whatever.
Every time I enter my PIN for my phone, I always cover the screen before entering it in case my parents have cameras in the house. And even more so in public, I’d fear CCTV getting my PIN.
[No, I have not been diagnosed with schizophrenia, I don’t hallucinate or anything like that. (But I do have a diagnosis of depression.)]
[This is distinct from the common fears of government surveillance or whatever. That, strangely enough, I fear much less, since I’m just one in hundreds of millions of people that they would care about, so I’m not so worried about that.]
Occasionally (when looking at something I’d rather they didn’t know about), the thought that my partner might have installed something that monitors all network traffic and what websites are accessed crosses my mind… But I don’t seriously worry about that, because I trust the people I live with, and they wouldn’t do things like that.
Maybe your family are less respectful, or think messing with people is funny? But it also might be an expression of social anxiety. It’s a pretty typical symptom of anxiety to worry that other people are thinking about us, talking about us, noticing tiny things (when most of the time people don’t actually care that much). So worrying about spyware could be a modern version of that?
I wonder if there are some simple tech soloutions you could implement? Even if you simply get a cloud based log of every time your phone is unlocked, you’d be able to spot unauthorised access while you’re sleeping. But the real answer is probably working on your sense of security and trust. Do you really have reasons not to trust these people? And if they did find out what you did on your phone, would it really matter? As some of the other commentators have said, if you’re secure in yourself, then your online activity becoming public shouldn’t worry you.
This won’t help you on the tech stuff but one technique I use at work is to set “traps”. Very simple things like placing a tiny piece of paper in a place where it will fall if a door is opened. A piece of tape or thread works too. I’ll take a picture for reference
Do you take the picture because you don’t trust your memory?
I’ll remind you that these traps depend on someone being less inclined toward perceiving that clandestine game than you. Which, if they’re sneaking in to do something wrong, is probably false.
The only way that trap would work is if they’re underestimating your cunning.
I can see how taking a reference photo might detect if they replace the paper sloppily. But if I were them, sneaking in to do something dastardly to your stuff, I would take my own reference photo before opening that door, to evaluate my replacement of the paper and ensure it matches the original state.
I used to have that fear when I was a kid living with family and my mom in particular was very nosey. I understand a nosey parent to make sure you kid isn’t into drugs, but she went way beyond that. She was also paranoid so she was convinced I was doing fucked up shit without any evidence.
It took me a long time to get over that. I did have a friend who was rooting through a couple of my things and we stopped being friends not long after. As far as I know, no one else has gone through my stuff.
The only time I’ve ever gone through anybody else’s stuff is to look through my mom’s drawers for things she stole and my ex’s phone after many years and other evidence that he was fucking around behind my back and I wanted to know for sure that he was. I hated doing it in both cases because I didn’t like it being done to me but felt that was the last option I had.
So yeah, with psycho family, you have every right to feel that way. Just know that isn’t normal and that most people won’t do that.
Nah. I use a password lock instead of biometrics even if my family actually cares enough to want to.
Oh I am certain he found my dildos, but he’s probably staying away from my browser history.
My SO knows my passwords and I hers. I don’t have anything to hide so I never have to panic if she wants my devices (for ordering food etc).
I can see why this is a contentious topic for either paranoids or people who aren’t being truthful to their partners.
You can want or need privacy without it being nefarious in some way
Absolutely! I’m 100% for privacy and security where necessary. My point was just that if you have a partner you can trust, it removes the necessity for secrecy which in turn will do wonders for your ease of mind.
You’ve obviously never had an insecure or abusive or manipulative partner.
I have, but luckily am not together with them anymore. You deserve better than someone who second guesses your every move.
No, but I would invite the idea. If someone would be THAT interested, I would gladly show them all the fckd up shit I look up and create. If they did it w/o my consent, lol for them.
Rule 12 applies in all aspects of life; not just on the Internet.
If I ever paid for a will, I have this idea that I would want all the contents of my devices, and my search history published, and a QR code put on my gravestone. But I would imagine it wouldn’t be any more unique than most others.
No, but I would invite the idea. If someone would be THAT interested, I would gladly show them all the fckd up shit I look up and create. If they did it w/o my consent, lol for them.
I think this is an important part of it. There’s a level of discretion that is about polite social boundaries. If someone walks into my room when I’m naked I’d cover myself up, but it’s as much because I assume they don’t want to see me naked as it is to ‘protect my modesty’. I hide NSFW content on my devices because I don’t want a friend or family member to accidentally come across something. If they really want to know about stuff like that and poke about, then sure, go for it weirdo. I think the act of prying is more embarrassing than the ‘private’ stuff it uncovers.
I have to quick blur NSFW on here when I go in public, so as to not have awkward glaring duels with strangers such as the ones that might be behind me on the bus. But in a casual setting where I have a social opportunity I just leave the Lemmy nudes on my feed unobscured. Someone goes, wtf you lookin’’ at and I am like: I don’t dictate nor direct the feeds, they direct me lol.
When I was a teen in summer camp, the girls once spied on us in the shower. We knew but they didn’t know we knew, so we put on a show. We teased them about it more than they did that year. Lol. It’s usually the other way around in movies.
I don’t, and they couldn’t get in if they tried
Can’t say that I do.
Controlling parents in your life?
Not “controlling” but they are emotionally abusive. Especially when I was younger, but even now they are still a bit emotionally abusive. They constantly accuse me of “faking” my depression, while simultaneously want to do involuntary hospitalization. Their emotional abuse is probably why I even have depression in the first place. (I suspect my mother to be bipolar, one minute shes fine and acts nice, 5 minutes later she gets mad for small issues, even for problems like her shitty coworkers or other issues not related to me.)
Moving out is not really an option, the economy is shit (not to mention, the incoming tarriffs with the next administration), and with depression, such a sudden change in life would definitely make me unable to hold a job. I would end up dead by suicide if I attempted moving out. I tried living at college apartments when my parents funded my college, but I had anxiety all the time, and couldn’t deal with it. Actually moving out permanently would feel much worse. Ironically, I have separation anxiety even tho my parents are emotionally abusive 😓
Not to mention, living alone also has another challenge, in case of home invasion, I wouldn’t be able to defend myself (cops are useless btw, they take at least half an hour to respond, not an option), if I got a gun, I risk getting depressed one night and ending myself, so a gun isn’t an option either.
Basically a lot of issues with moving out, not good for depression.
Hey there! I can relate a lot to what you’re saying here. I’ve often felt trapped in a bad place because all of the alternatives seem worse. I had a fairly traumatic upbringing (some emotional abuse, a little bit of physical and sexual abuse, lots of emotional neglect), and I also suffered from a fear that the people around me would mess with me and invade my privacy.
For me, the need for privacy came from a place of deep self-loathing fueled by a shitton of criticism from my dad (why can’t you do anything right/think the right things/just focus on something). I didn’t want others to see who I really was, so I went to extreme lengths to hide it from the world. Everything was locked, and I used to write my thoughts down in an intentionally opaque way to try to mask what I really felt.
I dunno if that matches your lived experience at all, but one of the consequences of all this was that I did this thing called catastrophizing. I’d become totally crippled and stuck and lost because I’d only see the worst possible outcome in every decision I might make. It’s very common for people who have suffered emotional abuse (especially for those who have their judgement, sanity, or morality criticized by their parents). I could absolutely be off base here, but like, I started feeling those feelings of doom and danger as I was reading your comment. I am absolutely not trying to minimize your situation. Catastrophizing is a horrible thing to battle with, and it takes actual traumatic catastrophies before you begin to catastrophize.
w.r.t. home invasions and safety, it might be good to reevaluate that. Is it really so dangerous that you would need to defend yourself? Like, maybe that’s the case! I grew up in a pretty safe place, so I lack the proper context to understand that fear. I do know that violent crime is very uncommon. Your situation may seem hopeless and you may feel trapped. I’ve felt that way. Just know that while some choices have risks and may feel dangerous, things don’t always go that way. You deserve to feel safe and secure.
I used to, but I grew up in a house where privacy was a thing that existed in stories, only for other people. Me and my brothers had our rooms regularly searched, and our phone calls eavesdropped on. My parents weren’t secret about it, except when they tried to be, but we knew all the signs and so knew when to keep our mouths shut, and we also got really good at hiding things.
It’s taken decades for me to adjust to the idea that my spouse doesn’t (and won’t) go through my stuff (and yes, this is something I’ve tested him on without his knowledge).
My spouse and I know each others passwords, and I don’t have anything to hide from them either so no I’m not concerned about that.
I am on my parents family plan, so they could potentially see some of my stuff, but I’m sure they don’t know how and wouldn’t be able to keep up with it even if they did
Locking your phone, setting it to auto lock, using biometrics so the pin is hard to steal, etc are all perfectly reasonable things to do. You have a right to privacy
If you have abusive and technically skilled family who have been caught spying on you with technical means, worrying they might do it again would be reasonable
If you constantly worry about something that you have no tangible reason to consider a credible threat, it might be some other issue, from anxiety to OCD. Perhaps try to talk to a professional?
On biometrics btw: they’re worse against police who could force you to unlock the phone, but if your worry is someone seeing your pin, biometrics fixes that
You can restart the phone or activate lockdown mode before going to bed and be safe from someone sneaking your finger print
No. They’re to technologically inept.
Its not that hard to stalk someone if you’re on a Verizon Family Plan, see my other comment.
It is, when relative to barely being able to use a phone.
In the past, i have because my mom would routinely snoop to see if I was still talking to the boy she forbade me to date (I was, and i got more clever about hiding it). The only way she let me keep a phone was if I didn’t put a pass code on it.
Fast forward to a couple of years after moving out of her house and in an emotionally abusive relationship. That dude ended up putting spyware on my phone (without my knowledge) because… well, idk, control i guess? I was messaging a close guy friend of mine, and my boyfriend fucking blew up at me, which is when I realized he had been spying on me. I wasn’t flirting with my guy friend or anything (we really didn’t have a relationship like that at all). he was just messaging me late at night because his step dad was abusive to him and I was helping him through that tough time. My boyfriend did not allow me to message another male after 9p.
Those had me paranoid, but can’t say I’m paranoid anymore. I’m married to a guy I trust, and he has my phone password info and I have his. I don’t snoop in his phone and I trust that he isn’t snooping in mine. Not like I have anything juicy in here, anyway.
But yeah, if you’re feeling paranoid without someone having previously violated your trust, it could be because you are doing things on your phone that you consider to be very private/embarrassing/nefarious? If so, that kinda makes sense I think. If that’s not the case, then respectfully, it might be good to see a mental health professional… life becomes a lot less stressful without worrying about shit like that.
