Real ones use bidet or a watering can first then wipe to simply dry. Much cleaner.
A watering can? Like, for plants?
Yes, I did some searching and I suppose something like a “lota” would be more accurate. But a watering can with 1 hole rather than many
Protip: You wipe after you completely finish shitting, not the entire time you’re shitting.
Basic maintenance. Trim your asshole and put some lotion up there.
Spread your cheeks when you shit and if its bad really get up in there the first couple swipes. Also eat more fiber
Speak for yourself. Some of us can poop in parallel.
I get all my wipes out at the beginning of the month, that way I don’t have to waste time later on
Smart
The first week, friends still hang out.
The last 3 weeks Pepé le Pew is their only buddy.
Thanks for the shitty tip!
A shitty tip is when your partner didn’t wipe before anal
As a gay bottom (gottom™), your partner should be doing more than wiping before anal
Yes I know. It just doesn’t really work with the joke when you explain that they need to also use a nozzle / douche to clean out from the inside.
Obviously, a bidet is the best way to have a clean butt, but baby wipes are a good compromise when in public bathrooms, they clean much better than dry toilet paper. Or wash on the side of the bathtub.
Don’t flush them no matter what the packaging says, though.
How fucking strong is your toilet that you could flush an entire bidet down it?
They aren’t. That’s why you shouldn’t flush one!
Americans don’t get much fiber so the toilets have to be severely overbuilt.
This is true, my American uncle once flushed an F150 to save on towing costs after one of the con rods made a window in the block
I am adding “made a window in the block” to my lexicon. Thank you.
So until they read about it on the internet they were leaving their butthole covered with shit all day?
I wipe homeopathically.
0.5 mm² gently applied at the top of my crack for a nice even dispersal.
I wipe homo pathetically, I’ll leave the details to your imagination.
You wipe up to the fourth knuckle?
0.5 mm²of what? 0.5 MM² OF WHAT??
Hot sauce?
Well, in homeopathy, like cures like, so probably more shit.
Fiber. Truly, up your fiber intake. The only time it won’t stain and linger is when it gathers in on itself.
Just shit in the shower and waffle stomp!
Waffle stomp of power!!
I wonder if OP forgot to fold the TP or use a new clean bunch and is just wiping their ass over and over with their own shit.
After the fourth wipe it starts falling apart.
FFS get some technique. You use 3 squares folded over and do a pinch. You then use 2 squares folded for a second pinch. The last is two squares folded for a wipe, then folded again for the last clean up wipe. Yes, bidet is better but you’re gonna have to poo in a public restroom at some point. This isn’t rocket surgery, people. Get it together
Our public bathrooms often have bidet showers.
Like every bathroom will have at least one stall with one. Newer gas stations will have one in each.
This isn’t rocket surgery, people
Idk man I’m a bit hungover and I didn’t even try to mentally follow your arsewipe-origami.
Yeah, this is simply a skill issue.
Now, THIS is min-maxing!
Bidet is the obvious way to do it right. Japanese toilet second, but if you can-t go at home, at least use moist TP towelettes, and don-t flush them! Throw them in the waste bin!
Fwiw, there are portable “bidets”
They aren’t exactly a proper bidet, they’re just bottles with a nozzle. Some of them you can’t even carry the water in it, you have to be able to access water where you’re going (so, not great for camping usually, or portajohns).
But they do a decent job for the most part. Enough to at least reduce how much wiping is needed.
Culo clean is a lid you put on a normal plastic bottle, great for traveling.
First vacation I went on after having a bidet for a couple years, I was miserable. My asshole had apparently lost its callouses and it bled and felt downright on fire for the second half of the trip. Now I never travel without my portable bidet. It does an impressively good job!
or have a bidet
Yes, that’s ideal
I wish people would stop recommending this all the time. No everyone can renovate their bathrooms, in most people are not in a position to renovate their bathrooms because they don’t own the properties.
I have installed a bidet in every single property I’ve rented. It takes 5 minutes, and all the parts come in the box to split the water supply.
I literally cannot imagine why you think this requires renovation of a bathroom.
https://www.amazon.com/Luxe-Bidet-Neo-120-Non-Electric/dp/B00A0RHSJO
i guess when people hear “bidet” they think think of a bigger one like this:
you just screw off the toilet seat and put it on
no, just screw off the whole toiled and replace it with a bidet, like us normal people do.
where do i shit? well…
that is what litter boxes are for, right?
Looks expensive and wasteful.
Expensive, yeah; wasteful, no. It might even save toilet paper for people like OOP since it requires less wiping.
There’s been multiple reports showing that these flushable wipes are not actually flushable because they clog the drainage system down the line and do not degrade as normal toilet paper.
The proper less waste solution is a bidet ya filthy shit stained savages.
just have a trash can in the bathroom. idk why people are against doing that
Anything, just anything else but to wash your bum.
you seriously prefer using your sink than cleaning yourself with a wet wipe?
Ha, using the sink and scrubbing with the toothbrush.
You were joking, right? Right?
Yum, a garbage can full of shit wipes.
eating is not reccommended.
also youre supposed to put a bag so that its easier to take out without touching the shit. do you not know how garbage cans work or what? are they not used where you live? i’m genuinely curious.
I’m Oscar the motherfucking grouch.
I will look into this and adjust my behaviour accordingly. Been meaning to get a bidet anyway.
The claims about how they dissolve are marketing claims, i.e. false.
thats what trash cans are for i guess
They’re really bad for the environment, they are not biodegradable because they are not paper. They also clog up the sewage system.
Y’all need jesus and fibre.
I suspect is might be too much fibre in this case .
Bidet.
I gave up on reddit years ago but whenever someone posts about bidets it reminds me of my favorite reddit exchange
Someone posted asking why americans don’t use bidets. I commented, saying “am american, use bidet. Love it, shits tight”
Eventually a reply came from a confused esl person asking me if I had a constipation problem because they didn’t understand the colloquialism “shits tight”
I think about that exchange more often than I should
Someone posted asking why americans don’t use bidets. I commented, saying “am american, use bidet. Love it, shits tight”
Apparently they didn’t know shit.
I mean a bidet would help with tight shit as well.
A bidet is a miracle device, helps in any and all situations. Diarrhea? Solved. Constipation? Solved. Regular? Surprisingly, solved. Wanna do the front too? Can be a bit awkward but it’s got you covered (in water, of course). Washing the throne? Solved. Basic calculus? Solved. Advanced calculus? Believe it or not, solved. Taxes? Avoided. Marriage counseling? Ever since I got my bidet my wife says my “stench is less appalling”. Solved, baby. I even use it to water the garden and defend my house from intruders.
Cannot recommend enough.
Thirsty? Solved!
Neti pot? Solved!
Would require good water pressure. Although that’s a careful balancing act because you can go too far the other way. Then that’s an embarrassing hospital visit.
Doubtful. I have never heard of residential water pressure high enough to do any damage.
Fires up pressure washer with extreme prejudice.
they didn’t understand the colloquialism “shits tight”
¡Duce’s Loose!
<wavesPinkyAndThumbInTheShaka>
My house has four bathrooms and three bidets. My teenage son just won’t get on board with having a clean ass.
Maybe he has a sensitive ass.
It’s gentler than tp
Maybe he thinks touching his butthole would make him gay and a bidet would force him to wipe.
gang 🤞
Joe Bidet?
John Bidet, inventor of the bidet.
Bro, you’re supposed to use a NEW piece to wipe each time
Bro, wash your ass. You don’t even need to get that fucking deep, just buy a shower scrubber.
Please don’t use a scrubber against your asshole. A washcloth you throw in the laundry after, or just your hands with lots of soap before and after is fine. You’re not going to awake any forbidden desires, you’re just making sure your body is clean.
You’re not going to awake any forbidden desires, you’re just making sure your body is clean.
Never say never, anal massage isn’t wholly unpleasant.
Everyone has a 3% chance at colon cancer and fibre supplements are a good way to reduce your chances
But then everyone doesn’t have a 3% chance 🤔 /s
No no, if your chances go down, someone else’s goes up. Sucks, but you gotta watch out for number one.
That’s not how averages or statistics work.
I guess lemmings are just as bad as redditors to notice sarcasm.
Kind of hard to do on a text based platform. I had just seen a post with so many people fucking up basic addition, I wouldn’t put it past people not knowing how statistics work.
I think he knows
