If we’re going by Columbus logic, probably “Jupiter”
Can we get to Jupiter through Earth? No, but at least there’s beaver.
their new colony
Open season on the tasty meat creatures
Class 13 Death World
The Wet Ball of Trash
Probably not Alienia
Are the aliens going to rape and enslave?
Very likely
“Planet of the money-crazy hairless apes that can’t relax”
Or “Klaus”…
Salty Water Ball With Some Dirt Patches
A fixer-upper.
“This isn’t Mars? You’re not martians? Ah fuck you, you’re martians.”
“West Martians”.
Translated to English, probably “Name-of-Star” 3, as in 3rd planet from our star, same system as Star Trek. The key difference is Columbus had no idea where he was going, and aliens have to know exactly where they’re going. Can’t shoot into space and find a planet by accident.
Chances are you can find a planet by accident, it’s just going to take a very long time
Blue Marble probably
Meat Packing Facility #173
Water planet with cancerous hairless simian population.
