I’ll go first…after 10 years of speculating in the market (read: gambling in high risk assets) I realized I shouldn’t ever touch a brokerage account in my lifetime. A monkey would have made better choices than I did. Greed has altered the course of life many times over. I am at an age where I may recover from my actions over the decades, but it has taken its toll. I am frugal and have a good head on me, but having such impulsivity in financial instruments was not how I envisioned my adulthood. Its a bitter pill to swallow, since money is livelihood of my family, but I need to “invest” all I have into relationships, meaningful moments, and fulfilling hobbies.
I’m horrible at acting in my own best interest and will say no to opportunities because i don’t feel like i deserve it or that I’m capable of doing something.
I need to get a grip when driving and not let others upset me so easily.
Stay in the basement. No driving required.
I read somewhere that if you’re angry when you’re driving, you’re actually angry about something not driving-related. It’s just manifesting while you’re behind the wheel.
I don’t know about that, I’ll be fine until someone with no comprehension of “right of way” nearly kills me. Those moments usually create a string of angry swears that would make a sailor proud.
7Hey fellow road rager! I too suffer from this aillment while knowing at the same time that it could be life threatening if I cross paths with an armed short fused a$$hole. I live in a very high traffic city with stuff to do on both sides of it, taking my kid to some classes results in a two hour commute and then two hours back home. Not easy and it makes me want to light my hair on fire sooooo me and my kid play the “maybe” game:
Maybe that guy cut me off because he is pooping in his pants (Kid laughs and it Takes the edge of me bursting into flames)
Maybe that lady trying to pass me in a not so nice way is late for her flight to (insert whatever place you/your kid think of and talk about what things you’d like to do there. While in Italy, for example, we thought about asking for a pizza with pineapple on it and putting a clown wig on the David)
I could go on and on (I won’t) but the main thing is to redirect my anger as energy to somewhere else.
I find it amusing when I do it with my kid because it helps us connect while spending time together. When I am by myself I play it too, but the NSFW version: This guy is tailgating me because he cannot wait to get pegg3d when he gets home. Etc etc. I chuckle for a bit and let it pass. Not kink shaming anyone at all.
Maybe I am a bit insane but this has helped me tremendously.
Great outlook i need to try this
The realization of how truely alone I am when everything started collapsing after our house was sold and how my parents who supposedly were suppose to love me, don’t love me and how I do have daddy issues because of this and I am not exactly as strong mentally as I thought of myself to be.
I really am kind of messy but it’s because I work so much I don’t have time to do anything properly at all. I always feel frantic.
It was an incredibly large antibiotic pill because I didn’t want to shower (it took away from reading) and I got impetigo.
The biggest pill was that I am not intelligent. I was just studious and invested enough time to pass exams. People not doing what they should do is not them being stupid but me not grasping the full picture.
The second biggest pill that I am still swallowing is that I am not a good person. I try to behave in a good way, but it’s manipulative and not authentic. People don’t like goodness if it doesn’t come from the heart.
Top shelf introspection here.
Re being a good person I wouldn’t sweat your mirror neurons over it too much. I suspect that if most people did the kind of self-analysis you’ve done, they would find similar, ulterior drives.
Anyway, so while I’ve long since shelved the fantasy of “true altruism” I have noticed that I’m more likely to behave nicely if I can set myself up for success by doing things like eating enough, working out, avoiding running late, etc. In a very real way I am a nicer person when I’m, for example, not running late.
I do this because behaving nicely is important to my self image, and leads to a more pleasant feeling life.
It’s something.
The biggest pill was that I am not intelligent.
The fact that you’re even saying this implies that you’re more intelligent than so many people.
Knowing the limits of your own understanding is a big part of intelligence imo
You sound like a very interesting person if I may say so (: Love me some folks who were brave enough to have faced these gigantic pillbottles.
Don’t they?? I’m instantly charmed.
People don’t like goodness if it doesn’t come from the heart.
I’m curious if you mean in an abstract way, of if you’ve done nice-seeming things for people only for them to call you out on whatever ulterior motives.
Cool that you’re way at the end of the willing-to-face-facts bell curve, though.
The latter made me aware of the former.
The thing with the former case is that basically nobody does nice things out of pure abstract altruism. Being nice can bring pleasure, be part of an identity, avoid shame and maybe boost your ego. That’s why people do it, and why they can turn around and be a monster the next moment if a new way to meet those needs becomes dominant (just open a history book). So, I wouldn’t worry too much.
Edit: Where that leaves human kindness and relationships morally speaking is a bigger question. And given that we’ve just established how little people care about abstract things, a weirdly irrelevant one.
This is the part where I’d normally give practical advice, if I wasn’t staring straight into the existentialist abyss. Anyway…
I gotta spend less time on lemmy
TikTok → Reddit → Lemmy → …grass?
Screw grass, touch moss instead
I prefer to touch lichen
I enjoy a nice fern
That I come from a highly dysfunctional family and my entire personality is a reaction to them. I knew they were dysfunctional but I was in denial about their impact. Connecting with my true self had been a bitch.
Yep, that one fits. I’m not really sure there is some kind of other me, though.
There is. You can connect to that other part of yourself through inner child work. You then need to complete the developmental milestones that you missed. It’s very difficult work but it’s achievable.
Mmm. That sounds like something someone is selling. There’s many theories of childhood development, going right back to Freud, and they don’t necessarily have a lot in common with each other.
I’m the sum of my nature and my experiences. It was a painful way to grow up, but in some ways it’s good practice for a dysfunctional world. In other ways it’s maladaptive, and all the therapists I’ve seen have talked about finding strategies or new ways of looking at things to deal with that, not finding some way to erase it.
Inner child work isn’t for everyone. Luckily, there are many methodologies, like you mentioned. The main purpose of inner child work is to process the stuck emotions/ the stuck grief that left you emotionally stuck in whatever age the trauma happened. You’re not erasing anything, you’re acknowledging what happened and feeling the feelings that you originally shoved deep inside. This is how you reach the unmet developmental milestones.
Since no one on here will ever know me…
It’s accepting that I have autism and that having autism is ok. My mom used “autistic” as an insult against me, the first time I remember was from age 5 as an attempt to control behavior she saw as undesirable. Running circles outside until I wore the grass out and flapping my hands about was something I needed to feel ashamed about according to her. And so I hid that and everything else she criticized so hard that I couldn’t accept that the reason I struggled so hard with a lot of things in my life wasn’t because I was just some innate failure but because I had an unaddressed condition that was she not only refused to help with but actively made worse.
To this day I still cannot do things like make eye contact, or tolerate being touched. But I’ve learned to not only accept myself for who I am, but accept that little boy who never understood why his own mother never seemed to be able to love him.
I have to force myself to make eye contact when talking. I usually look away when talking, it helps me think. Some people think you aren’t being sincere but oh well.
💔
I’m just not that… (insert thing here)
Anxiety and taking care of others before I take care of myself.
That I wasted over a decade trying to figure out what was wrong with me on my own before I finally got professional help.
It’s easy to do when we’re all surrounded constantly by the paradox of money meaning nothing at all, but also the only material thing that dictates the action and activity of everything past and future
Biggest Pill I’ve had to swallow is that no matter much I love programming and will continue my computer hobbies for life. I will never make a profession out of it. I’m slowly coping with the fact that all my work will ultimately influence very nearly nothing at all…
I feel you. I think about how intangible code is and how quickly that will fade from existence… It’s heavy, to say the least. And yet the challenge ever calls me to solve a problem with ones and zeroes.
I built a business with my code, and it helps save/improve hundreds of thousands of lives around the world. I don’t want to doxx myself so won’t give any further info.
Just because it’s intangible, your code can still potentially have a huge amount of value.
I agree. The impact can be real, and that’s the case for my coding job too, maybe to a lesser extent than yours. A lot of days I think I have my dream job. But still, digital data isn’t like a Roman ruin or something. It will be gone in 1000 years. Just wild to think about, and sometimes I feel like that fact matters.
On the other hand I have found a lot of people who turn the hobby they love into a business and it ruins the joy they found in their hobby.
That is certainly a bright side of the matter isn’t it. Maybe keeping the joy alive is more critical than the bread?
I love programming and will continue my computer hobbies for life. I will never make a profession out of it
Why do you say that? Is it by choice or do you not see how you could make it a career?
I’m slowly coping with the fact that all my work will ultimately influence very nearly nothing at all…
What kind of impact were you hoping for? I mean lots of jobs have little “influence” - I would actually say almost all jobs. But that doesn’t mean we are not all part of collective progress.
Could certainly be argued as a choice ultimately. I didn’t quite finish my BS in CS, I’m entering my 30s with a wife that depends on me not leaving my decent and steady warehouse mgmt job atm. I’ve tried a couple of times–last time I was building a great portfolio maintaining a hobbyist arch distro, but I just never got past the interview stages. My network is too small, and the job market seems to be a dumpster fire with no upturn in sight.
I know these are excuses and ultimately it is a choice that I shouldn’t give up on my dreams the way I am, but I wanted to answer your question as honestly as possible for some reason. As far as impact, it’s basically been a lifelong dream of mine to just make software that helps improve the quality of life of as many sentient beings as I possibly can. I know it’s immature and overly idealist, but I can’t shake it
Open source projects and/or contributions can be a good way in.
- Work that is publicly visible to anyone, proving what you can do
- Building a network with the people you interact with
- Learning from open source code & the people who are parts of projects
I didn’t know anything about coding when I decided to fix a small bug in my KDE system that was bugging me… I poked around, asked some questions, figured it out bit by bit… which led to contributing to KDE more, and now I am a paid KDE developer. I now literally get paid to do something I am passionate about, working on a project that I feel makes a very real impact on the world.
I highly recommend open source to help break into the field. Anyone willing to learn and put some effort in can do it, no previous experience needed. :)
I don’t think it’s immature - I wish more people had that kind of motivation.
But you say you’re entering your 30s. I’d just like to remind you how long time you actually still have. I studied computer science myself and I had multiple friends at the university in their 40s. People do switch up their careers if they want it enough. It is possible.
These are the comments that do me in. Time to repolish the resume and my most practical projects. I can’t believe I’m getting serious about this again, but I do believe in my drive, determination, and earnest passion to be the change I want to see in the software world. I know it’s pointless, and I will almost certainly fail quite miserably, but I also know I have to go down swinging or my soul will rot from the regrets. I just have to fail better–I have to do it despite the pointlessness.
There is nothing pointless about following your passions - in fact I’d say that is the only point of life. It’s the opposite of pointless.
Maybe you need to reframe it as not failure, but progress. See how you get better and closer, not how you didn’t reach the goal. It’s about the journey.
If it helps, you’re not alone. I’ve spent decades of my life pursuing a career, and in the past five or so years I’ve come to realize I will never accomplish the things I used to dream about, like making an impact in my little field, etc. It’s a really, really unpleasant realization. The only silver lining I can find for myself (and it is helpful) is that I can let go of the “must excel” and “must go above and beyond” mentalities. It frees up time and mental resources.
I had the opposite, I hated coding and never wanted to do it as a job… But here I am, 9-5 coding. 😅
I did realise at some point that it was actually Java that I hated, not programming. I do, however now work with Kotlin.
I’m not here to influence things. I was in the thick of it for a bit, but I’m here now.
I love coding. I get to do it for money. It allows me a nice little apartment in a nice environment and with my wife chipping in her half we’re a little insulated from financial strife. A little.
That’s it. I code, I eat food and live with a beautiful girl who seems to care for me, and we occasionally get to go see family or a strange new place. I’m flying as close to the sun as I dare.
Find peace in your existence and enjoy what you’re doing, whether programming is the bread or it’s the butter. It’s all a means to an end of doing something you love for what little time we have here.
I’m a bitter, angry, mfer and I need to chill out sometimes
Same here. I lose my temper too easily then I get back to normal quickly and wonder why I was so upset.
You are me.
I play shitty passive-aggressive mindgames. When I bleed, scorpions and stinging-flies spawn from the puddles.
Relatable tbh. I think a good part of it was depression in my younger years, but, I used to be an incredibly angry person.
It took a long time for me to accept that the truth is, you don’t get angry about shit you don’t care about. Hard to accept that half the things I’d get angry at weren’t worth it. The other half anger just wasn’t a helpful response. Been a long process of learning to have a better reaction for me.
Yeah I had a lot of issues as a kid too and being angry felt a hell of a lot better than being sad. Eventually it just got exhausting though. I can only imagine how annoying I was for other people to deal with. At least I was never one to lash out at others too much thanks to my mother showing me how it felt to be on the receiving end of that all the time.
Being angry is still basically my default emotional state but it’s at least much less intense than it used to be which I think is a decent achievement considering how much there is to be angry about these days
After taking calculus for the third time and still not getting it, I realized I might not be that smart. There is a reason the bell curve places a majority in the middle.
