That the thing I’ve been after my entire life but couldn’t identify or articulate was, in fact, autonomy.

This, after growing up in a house full of overbearing, hypercritical family members, willingly entering into a marriage with someone who treated me like property, being micromanaged, and taught that the key to happiness lies in pleasing others, and living in quiet desperation and letting it build and build until I finally imploded and ended up institutionalized.

In the process of rebuilding my life I made a few mistakes, namely going back to a few of those relationships and trying to make new relationships fit that mold. At least this time I had a little self awareness though. I decided to end all of those relationships and start living on my own terms. And that was when the epiphany hit that this was the autonomy I’ve been craving - and had been denied - my whole life.

I’m way happier now.

Not really about myself but in general: “Not dwelling” on things doesn’t mean ignoring them.

Once my general anxiety got under control, that some anxiety is actually protective and can clue me in to things. A while ago, anxiety was my first clue that I was in burn out territory (I ignored it and ended up with some suicidal ideation, but got out before that got worse). More recently it let me know that a situation would be bad for me to continue with. I pulled out before it got worse for me or affected others.

If I tell you I will get cancelled by the Karen wine single moms of Lemmy so better I won’t, I will let you find it by yourself. Good luck 🤞✌️

That I have ADHD. Turns out depression and panic attacks were only side effects.

I’m actually a sane, nice person. I’m unhappy because I am dealing with people who aren’t.

That literally never occurred to me. I thought I was the problem.

That when breathing funny is a ptsd trigger, breathing exercises and meditation is a bad idea. Reciting memorized poetry helps more— the Raven did me wonders, Jabberwocky too.

Sorry it isn’t the kind of more generalized advice that applies to more people, but you asked what I discovered about myself, personally. You probably don’t have a ptsd trigger when focusing on your breathing— that probably helps you relax.

That I didn’t need therapy

That my family was crazy. I grew up in a crazy dynamic, looking back now, was like living in a strict dictatorship like North Korea, so I never questioned them.

I learned that not having a stable home growing up means I never trust the safety or longevity of any living situation, therefore, I never get comfortable.

Codependency is self-destructive, not romantic.

Chronic Anxiety and chronic depression are very similar and tied to similar thought processes and self-fulfilling cycles.

You can’t truly be there for others if you aren’t there for yourself.

Perspective shifting between others and yourself is a powerful tool of understanding and affording yourself the benefits of the doubt that can be hard to muster sometimes.

Don’t recall discovering anything, but maybe I did and then forgot it because my memory is terrible. I think I mostly just liked having someone to talk to.

I discovered that I wasn’t having panic attacks. I was having seizures. Yay!

I didn’t really go into therapy to find something out about myself, I only went into therapy to try and confirm suspicions about myself.

I am just not surprised that a lot of my issues is linked with childhood problems and that I never had a considerably normal childhood and an even lesser normal upbringing when growing up. That was all but confirmed.

That I wasn’t Zen about endings, I was just never allowing anyone close.