Demonizing people who disagree with you makes them dig in their heels and elect the dangerous candidate and party, in spite of their best interests. Demonizing those people feels satisfying and necessary in the moment, but it ultimately backfires.

The so-called enlightened people can’t be counted on to vote. (I say this as one of those so-called enlightened people, albeit not in your country and therefore unable to shift the balance with you. I vote in every one of my country’s elections, I strongly dislike the leader of the party I need to vote defensively for. I do it anyway.)

Until you folks figure these two things out, this is your new reality.

(I don’t think you can save many of the extremists, but you folks could relatively easily stop the extremist factory by deploying more strategic compassion. But that’s just, like, my opinion, man.)

The System is held together with baling wire and gum. Never forget that.

You will get through this, but you might need help and to help others along the way. I wish you many goods and cheese.

Yup. Watch The Good Place, then ask again.

“The only person who won’t fire you is you.”

“Are there no prisons? Are there no work houses?”

“I’ll try not to swear around you. I’m sorry. I will probably not be perfect, but I assure you I’m trying.”

That’s enough.

I assume you are genuinely sorry and have decided you want to behave differently around them.

Pitch me. I could switch, but it would help a great deal to understand more about why. I’m open to change, but not eager to change.

I’m very happy. I had the same early experience as you, but I kept with it. I’ve been using it several years now. When I’m forced back to vim, my fingers remember just enough, but I have to undo pretty often.

I kakoune instead.

Pink noise sounds soothing.

“You first.” 🤷‍♂️

“I’m not looking for a family here. I never was. Thank you for the invitation, but no.”

It could be that simple.

It seems to me that by speaking up when you’re still calm, you can avoid erupting at an inopportune moment and causing the huge scene that might worry you.

I used to feel terrified about how people judged me–for good reason, based on how people treated me when I was young. Eventually, I grew utterly exhausted from trying to please everyone, after which it became much easier to speak up for myself.

Now I find it easy to offer a cheery “No, thanks” while acting like it’s perfectly normal and leaving the other person to be confused and to deal with it.

I wish you peace as you work towards finding your voice.

“I’m not interested. Please leave me alone.”

You want candy?

In that case, I’m not sure you’re missing anything and I’m not even sure you have a problem to solve here.

I understand better. I might relate, too.

I’m not the type to keep relationships “alive” by checking in, but at the same time, when someone re-enters my life after even years, it can be as though no time had passed. If I can help, I will. We can chat for minutes or hours. I’m happy to pick up where we left off.

I have the distinct impression that many other people don’t operate this way. I do. Do you?

I have a big chosen family, including people who feel like children, and even grandchildren. I don’t believe that a blood relation would make that any richer an experience for me.

The same as any friendship: mutual support and love. What you’re describing sounds like an acquaintance to me, not a friend, if conversations don’t develop past small talk. Maybe that’s what you’re missing.

I wish you continued good luck in this regard.

I don’t live in a shithole, so nothing.