You could really ask this question of anyone about anything. There will always be substantial differences between one person’s life and another. Having had children doesn’t necessarily denote that difference, even less so for men as some fathers don’t stick around and instead go live their own lives seemingly uninterrupted.
But think of how many things people sink great amounts of time and effort into; gambling, becoming a practicing doctor, hedge fund trading, starting a charity, programming… Those people will probably all have large amounts of time devoted to those things.
Of course there’ll be many things that don’t compare, and some that do… Then you must also factor in that it’s a trauma for some people. Some people end up not liking their children, kicking them out, disconnecting.
Human nature is hugely variable. What’s it like being a good person? What’s it like being rich? What’s it like being homeless and a drug addict? What’s ut like being happy? What’s it like in prison? What’s it like as mayor? Or psychiatrist? Or teacher?
What’s it like not like doing any of the things mentioned here? Well, that question, your post, is really about you, isn’t it? It’s about you asking others “what would my life be if I didn’t, or don’t have kids?”
So, why are you asking?
lol
Because it’s not a bad thing to ask another person about their experiences in life. And putting it within the context of a particular life choice adds a layer of focus to the conversation.
Given your logic, no one should ever ask anyone else any question about their personal experiences other than to retrieve information.
putting it within the context of a particular life choice adds a layer of focus to the conversation.
It won’t create a very interesting debate though, because OP already excluded most people who followed through on the opposing view in the question itself.
This extra layer of focus really functions as a filter, which can only result in a hall of mirrors.
It’s perfectly fine if OP just wanted to confirm an existing bias and need arguments for that, but it’s absolutely not a very interesting conversation.
Shout out to [email protected]
Edit: k, idk why you downvoted me, was trying to show you another sub with an audience directly for this question that you may want to also ask, but k go ahead and downvote me OP.
It seems like in almost every thread, there are at least one or two cranky individuals that just downvote for the hell of it.
Downvotes on lemmy are pure spam. Good instances block them.
I regularly down vote things. I up vote a lot more than that, though. I’m sure the ratio is at least 3:1 or higher for up to down.
Are my down votes spam?
Yes in my opinion which is why they’re turned off on the instance I use.
Didn’t downvote you but it’s probably bc Reddit’s original childfree subreddit is a special kind of toxic hellhole; even for Reddit… which is saying something.
Most of Reddit was a toxic hellhole. It’s why I’m not on Reddit anymore.
This one is relatively as well.
Your link doesn’t link to the community on my instance, it links to the original instance, so that’s a bit annoying. Maybe that’s why?
I believe the way that link style works is that it does that only if your instance does not have it locally. Here on the fediverse we need one person to subscribe before it will show up on your local instance correctly
It doesn’t appear that that’s the case, because people on my instance have subscribed to the comm in question and the link still didn’t work. When I formatted the link correctly, it worked. Unless there’s an interoperability bug between Lemmy and Mbin, which is certainly possible.
Ah I’d guess that, I’m pretty sure Lemmy devs made that [email protected] syntax
I sort of see the appeal of having kids, but I can barely keep things together for myself. There’s no way I can support myself and kids. Even with my boyfriends income and mine, it’s just not realistic.
This is the key behind the fertility crisis of first world countries. SHITS TOO EXPENSIVE. A house is 10 years worth of income, college like 3 years worth, a car (which needs to be replaced every 5-10 years) around a years worth, plus food, bills, taxes and all of this other shit makes it impossible.
Yearly childcare is a years worth of income in plenty of places, so there’s that too.
Mixed, but mostly okay.
Pros: The world is massively overpopulated already. Our genes aren’t particularly noteworthy. I’m not very optimistic about the future. People’s happiness generally seems a lot less than it was when I was younger and I don’t see that changing.
Cons: Not being able to pass anything on - my knowledge and experience, ironically much of which was gained through having time that would have been unavailable if I had had kids. As we both get older, our own care is concerning. Doing physical things around our smallholding is getting harder and a pair of young hands would be nice.
I don’t begrudge other people having kids. We tried once but lost it and that kind of took the excitement out of it for us. Before we knew it, it was too late anyway.
Not being able to pass anything on - my knowledge and experience
I know this may sound like satire but you can write a blog and share your knowledge and experiences. It may seem weird at first, but it’s an actual option, and people could organically come across your blog, especially if you use the right keywords that they’re looking for.
Thanks, that’s some good thoughts. I do already do that, contribute to FOSS, write fiction and I’ve taught some stuff to younger folk at work so it’s not entirely wasted. If I can achive net zero on whatever cosmic scoreboard is in place, I figure that’s okay.
Sounds like you’re doing well then. I do the same with contributing to FOSS (and I maintain a couple FOSS projects) and I teach younger devs at work, and have a blog (technically two), so I’m in the same boat.
You could look into some kind of work experience program or even troubled youth programs operating in your area that might be able to make use of your knowledge and your property?
We don’t need kids to pass on what we know to the young :)
43 Male. I want kids but I am currently financially unsuitable. At some point though, I plan on it. I can appreciate being single and childless. I have done quite a bit of stuff, but, I have the urge to raise kids and have a family. It feels like there is a part of me not quite there.
47W. Never wanted kids. I don’t miss it. I’m happy when I see my friends’ kids but I really don’t want one.
I have time for me and I couldn’t afford raising one but again, I’ve never ever felt the need to be a parent.
No one has ever pressured me into having children. People knew I wasn’t the the type even when I was a kid. They never questioned my choice not to get married either. So no peer pressure.
Been trying for 6 years. Not desperately, but it would be nice. Thinking about getting chickens.
If you’re doing it for companionship, get male chicks so they don’t put them in the macerator.
Unfortunately, our local council doesn’t allow having roosters because of the crowing. Hens only.
It’s good. Don’t have to worry about paying for any of it.
Elementary school
Middle school
High school
College
Helping out after they finish college and haven’t found a job
All the stuff during the summer
Not having to hear “ but why?!” Every ten seconds
Not having to worry about how they’ll survive in this fucked up world.
No ragrets.
no rugrats
skipped the zombie apocalypse
Married, happy, and doing financially ok (house paid off but no real savings). Life would have been a lot harder with kids.
I’m in my 40s and I feel great being able to spend my time the way I want, and not have to worry about providing for kids. I’ve had time to develop new hobbies, read books, play games, and have a generally carefree lifestyle. I have friends who had kids, and kids have basically become their whole life. It’s just not for me.
Honestly? Kinda lonely. I’ll be 40 in a few months. I’m a woman, if the perspective matters .
I was engaged to the man I thought I’d marry and have kids with, but it didn’t turn out to be the case, and although I learned how to choose better and what to look out for, I also wonder if I’m ever going to get to have a family of my own. It’s been 6 years now since that fell apart, and I had to do a lot in that time to get back onto my feet, but the few relationships I’ve had since then are fleeting. Men seem afraid of commitment now, and it’s hard not to completely fall to the idea that I’m just too old, which is what society is consistently screaming at me.
I don’t feel old.
I am tired of searching though. At some point I will get to where I’m too old and that makes me sad to think about.
At some point we’re too old to have biological children, yes, but my 72 year old father has been in a new relationship for about a year and they seem super happy together.
(Edited for clarity.)
40 isn’t too old for kids. Plenty of people have kids at that age and they’re doing just fine.
It’s just more difficult when you’re older.
Yes, that’s true, but at that age you’re financially more stable and have more patience than a 20y. We had our kids at about 30 and I think that’s probably the best age for it.
Yeah I had my kids at 30 also. Definitely agree
It feels amazing.
I wake up to a quiet, clean house every day.
