Maybe not, but it’s out there apparently and the Internet is fueled by <60 second attention spans.
Everyone keeps saying JD fucked the couch but I know the true story… JD got raw dogged by the couch. Let’s just say, calling him a tight ass is no longer literal.
My wife told me that story and I instantly went “That sounds fake, why would he admit that in a book?”
It wouldn’t have been the weirdest confession in a book.
Bro he made the cushion look like the left side of that flag.
Not within the last five years, anyway.
Hey, we’re just asking questions.
No, JD Vance did not have sex with a couch
Sounds like something some one who had sex with a couch would say.
Technically it wasn’t sex.
That was what he said. To get out of child support payments.
Those poor little footstools are gonna have a hard life when they become chase lounges.
Especially because they’re ugly.
Won’t someone think of the ottoman?
The eyeliner helps though.
Ok, raped a couch. I doubt it could consent.
No, JD Vance did not fuck a couch.
A couch fucked JD Vance. There’s not a chance in hell he’s the pitcher.
🤣
Reminds me that Zelensky’s initial cause of popularity (the one that got him in the show casting him as the president of Ukraine) was from a ‘Ukraine’s got talent’ like show where he played the piano with his penis.
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Because it was actually a loveseat.
True is it was a futon… But since futons can “transform” JD could never admit to sleeping with something “trans”
You win the internet today 1000%.
I mean can anyone prove he didn’t or hasn’t?
…to completion…
It does seem like an oddly specific denial.
With how it’s worded, it could even imply that he did reach completion, just that he was too selfish to help the couch get there.
And the next sentence is ‘That is a lie.’
Is this calling the claim of his bad couch loving a lie, or his previous sentence where he denied it?
I think you have to write “JD Vance did not have sex with a couch once” or else it’s potentially libel.
I believe the preferred nomenclature is couch botherer
Couch roommate.
Step-couch what are you doing?
