I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, “Yeah all the time.” I can’t tell if it’s sarcasm.
I asked this because Im a guy, and we’ve heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.
But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?
During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?
I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.
Hope she washed it off well before putting it back in the fridge. So I doubt the post is real. As for the rest I’ll have to leave it to women to answer. But if you ever find your cucumber in the garbage, just leave it there.
Understood and thank you for your wisdom.
Do most people take food back out from the trash?
Absolutely. https://youtu.be/qJh5u1tdC4Q?si=jIbva7uT2_tN328S
Yeah, to give it to the rabbits. Don’t waste food
Ohhhhhh, I didn’t think about that. I considered that the same as “discarded.” But now I feel bad how nonchalantly I was thinking like, “throw the cucumber of joy into the compost or let nature consume it”
I have a dog who doesn’t like most fruits or any vegetables. I’ve forgotten how easy it is to just give produce to pets such as bunnies or the
.
Only if you are George Costanza.
The eclair was more or less floating on top of the garbage. It wasn’t IN the garbage.
I’m just thinking of the little pokey things (spines?) on the cucumbers. Ouch.
How dose cucumbers look where you live? Mostly the ones bought from the store.
Kinda like this. (Random internet image.)
The bumpy things are sharp.
Intresting, I have never seen a cucumber look like that. Closest are some types frown in home gardens but not even those have been that bumpy.
Here they look kind like this
So completely smooth and with around the same circumference as the bigger part of most carrots.
Looks kinda plasticky compared to the cucumbers I am familiar with. Also looks like it is missing the seeds! Interesting. Thanks for sharing with me!
They do have seeds but very very tiny ones.
those are pickling cucumbers here, technically also called a cucumber but you don’t really think of them as the same thing, like how raw beets are technically perfectly edible but it’s assumed you’ll pickle them.
yeah this is weird to me too, all the cucumbers i’ve seen are very smooth…
Not on the plant, the little spines have already been broken off before they get put on a store shelf.
Wait until you find out what Dragonfruit grows on.
Spoiler: cactus. And you can grow the seeds for your very own houseplant.
Ribbed, for her pleasure.
~cats
Barbed, for everyone’s horror.
During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?
That’d make you the coolest dad ever.
Or totally creep out your kids. “OMG dad knows what I’m doing! And he wants me to keep doing it apparently, I’m going to fucking die.”
It would probably be a lot less awkward coming from the mom. I feel like it would be like a father having the “period talk” with his daughter (obviously this happens in the case of single dads but that’s not the point I’m making), it’s super awkward for both parties involved.
I mean giving them an Amazon gift card doesn’t exactly say “I know you’re going to buy a sex toy with this” especially if you’re not outright saying that to them, but giving them the option to spend some money on that is a lot better than the alternatives.
I see what you’re saying, but if you randomly come out and say “Here, I got you an Amazon gift card out of the blue, buy whatever you want” after they did something like this they’re going to know whats up. Also, I’m pretty sure most dads would rather not have that thought in their mind when they see an Amazon box addressed to their daughter and she runs to her room to open it up. I’m 38 and my dad is your typical “Dirty Old Man” that started making sexual comments about women around me when I was like 13, but I don’t think I ever felt comfortable talking about anything like this around him until I was like 19 or 20.
That’s true, but it would still be awkward either way if they did something like this, and I would think that a gift card is still probably better than the alternative of them continuing to use produce for this or a worse alternative.
I mean it doesn’t have to be “happy birthday, I got you a sybian, hope you like the red one with the racing stripes!” You can just give them an amazon or VISA gift card and simply not ask what they spend it on.
I see what you’re saying, but if you randomly come out and say “Here, I got you an Amazon gift card out of the blue, buy whatever you want” they’re going to know whats up. Also, I’m pretty sure most dads would rather not have that thought in their mind when they see an Amazon box addressed to their daughter and she runs to her room to open it up.
Well she said she used it for 3 hours so I can only imagine it was in fact and edging case.
Okay it’s a pickle at that point.
Well that’s the nastiest thing I’ve read today so far
so far
Veggin’ edgin’ ftw
No joke, my mother used one when my dad was was away on work. I know because she forgot about it and my sister had the bright idea to go snooping around in her drawers one day.
I would hope that in our modern age with more access to privately get sex toys (thanks to the internet) that most people would not resort to using vegetables. However, is someone saw buying sex toys as somehow “wrong” then they might.
Chances are, if something can be fucked or used as a dildo… somebody somewhere has done it out of horniness.
I still remember about 20 years ago a female friend told me that she masturbated using a bottle of Bawls energy drink (IDK if they even still make the stuff). It was a glass bottle that was bumpy all over (think of the divots on a golf ball, but inverse) and she apparently used it on her clit/vulva.
When I was a horny pre-teen boy and had no idea how to actually beat off, I discovered that rubbing a silk/nylon pillow with pictures of cats on it felt really good.
JD Vance fucked a couch.
Good deflection buddy. You shared, which is the important part. Progress.
Hahaha unlike my Reddit account which easily links back to me (I made it 11 years ago and didn’t heavily start using it until about 6 years ago), this has zero link to me so I have no shame.
The cats, right?
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I believe hotel rooms & their contents are specifically designed around this
Can… can I have some.
Salad or gift cards?
Yo, I have to take a moment and shake you because I thought you were a cool tech dyke judging by your goofy ass name. But all things aside talk with your seemingly two partners? Or like, partner and actual friend? But also like, idk what open lines of communicaiton you have with kids or what even kids will listen to - or who (cause I think maybe it could also be a who thing in this situation) - you can still attempt to give them a talk. And I think most kids run around with cards from their parents nowadays from how I’ve seen it. Like, if you’ve got a phone you’ve probably got a card. But this is all just some assumptions.
But all tweets (this is a tweet right?) are fake af and people just trying to be shocking and cute and like maybe down the line they can use their audience to do different monetary things. I mean like most the shit on Reddit was fake, so I can’t imagine most the stuff on TwituhX is real either. So unless you having a late night rib just like - talk with your kids. About the stuff they should hear at the ages you think they should hear them. Or get your wife to do what you’ve got to do. And if you’ve got two partners you’re probably open af and can legit find a way to broach the subject. I believe in you! Or bribe one of their older cousins with cash to talk with them. Cause legit, if my one cousin told me anything about sex I would hands down believe them. Just figure out which cousin they admire and BLAM, you’ve got an in.
Gl, you got this. Try not to rot your brains too much on bullshit, cause it’s okay in moderation but I think I’ve read it can be bad for your health =P!
Got a bit freaky with a friend once. I used the cucumber on her. We both ate it after. Don’t leave that shit for other people to eat. As long as they have common sense, you should be fine.
Cucumb her? I hardly know her!
Any cucumber you handle for 3 hours for any reason is garbage. You wouldn’t put it in a salad because it would be mush. This is a BS post, obviously.
her post may not be real, but is it a real thing?
Fucking yourself with a cucumber? Sure, if that’s all you got, get it, queen. I’d suggest something slightly more substantial, though.
The fuck you mean substantial?
Watermelon.
Anything can become a sextoy… if you’re brave enough.
Watermelon would be the worst melon though, drill a hole in a honeydew instead lmao.
Eggplant, obviously
🍆🍆🍆
Oh … ouch.
It’s a shitposting meme. The poster has this pinned on their twitter:
That said… I have heard horror stories about poor theater staff finding cucumbers after the 50 shades premiere. Some of it was just people memeing and trying to prank but I’m not entirely sure about all of it.
4chan greentext, but signing with your name? Brave.
don’t come texting me about none I said
She sounds like a smart one>
It’s not real, son. 99% things said and shown on social media aren’t. Try to not be a little bitch for once.
But it was on the internet. Surely no one online would just make stuff up for upvotes.
I’ve never used a veg for these purposes and I’m not planning to. I would definitely not recommend it to anyone, and I would recommend be very mindful of the hygiene of any objects you decide to insert for whatever reason- speaking from experience here, UTIs are no fun.
Most people don’t use vegetables for this afaik.
That aside, the only girl who ever confided in me that she used a veg (a banana btw) also said she put it in a condom. She said she would bin it all afterwards and this sounds like what someone reasonable enough would do. I’d be grossed out if I was to eat something used for that and I’d feel awful to have my family eat something used that way. Just no.
I’m a dude and a cucumber definitely doesn’t seem like it would feel great going in and out. It’s bumpy and the skin is pretty coarse. A banana definitely sounds like a more logical choice.
Nah, you haven’t lived until you’ve experienced the girth and texture of a garden cucumber.
Stop, I can only get so hard…
I used to grow cucumbers. Garden cucumbers have a rep for flavour and texture, not girth. That’s a nice looking cucumber there, good job.
Thank you for the honest response! I sincerely appreciate it.
Reflecting on your answer, that would make complete sense. Why wouldn’t a person use a condom? My wife has explained how concerned she is about UTIs, and adding that veggie bacteria would be concerning.
I’m starting to feel like my veggies are safe.
Any decent person would trash it afterwards.
That’s just wasteful. I would totally eat it after washing.
Also most young teens would be a little intimidated by a cucumber. A carrot or banana is more likely, since they’ve probably seen a condom on one before.
As for the 3 hours, it’s long but by no means impossible.
I havent seen anyone mention this, but cucumbers have little sharp spikes/spines on their skin so that’d be a huge no for the vast majority of people, and those little spikes would probably rip any condom stretched over it.
Very few people are gonna be into fucking themselves with something that’s got tiny thorns on it…unless they go out of their way to remove them without peeling it entirely I guess.
Seems like a lot of work though.
OP, does this happen with men? I need to know. Serious question
It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one
I plead the fifth.
We don’t fuck fruits if that’s what you’re asking. Other things are fair game though. A horny (pre) teenage boy will fuck damn near anything he can fit his dick in.
Pretty sure lots of dudes would stick veggies in their ass
I’ve heard tale of a few holes being drilled in melons, too.
Absolutely it does
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