Cancer. The trauma and pain I went through changed me and how I see the world. For a long time afterwards, I was stuck in a deep depression. I’ve been working through it all, but I feel like I lost 6 years of my life.

I realize now how fleeting our lives are and stopped thinking about things I wanted to do or pursue, and started executing on them. I got back into longboarding, learned 3D printing, metal working, etc. This life is all we get and nothing is guaranteed. I don’t want to be on my deathbed again thinking about all the things I wish I did.

Getting shot and almost killed in 2008. Struggled with opiate addiction for years after. Am just now 4 years sober from opiates.

When my brother killed himself back when I was a child. I don’t really want to talk about this too much but it impacted me severely, it gave me nightmares (which I still sometimes get to this day) and made me want to stop existing for a long time.

I’ve had therapy and have largely been able to recover though so I’m doing okay now, for a while I wasn’t though.

Deciding on the school for my master’s. Had two choices: the no. 1 school in the US at that time, or an up-and-coming pgogram. The top school would have set me back about 200k in debt, but I was virtually guaranteed a job with a starting salary of 150k+, and a career path to the C-suite. The other school would give me a free ride, but it was anyone’s guess where’d I end up. I picked the free ride, and ended with a dead-end job for 40k. That was 20 years ago. Since then, that job gave me the push to leave the US, settle elsewhere, find a wife, start a family, and have an exciting new job with career progression. The choice, when I was deciding, couldn’t have been more clearly defined, and for years I kept thinking what if I picked the top school. Not anymore…

I was 8 years old when my uncle raped me. Forced me to sit down, told me not to tell anyone, because they wouldn’t believe me, and why would I want to put the family through that? He is my fathers identical twin, he said I would ruin my fathers relationship with him if I said anything.

I believed him. Didn’t think anyone would believe me, and I didn’t want to tattle, so I decided the best way to do it would be to act as sad as I felt, wait for my parents or teachers to ask what was wrong, and then I would tell.

I acted out for weeks, nobody noticed, nobody asked.

So, I decided that maybe they already knew, maybe they already beat him up, maybe I should just forget it ever happened and move on, try to enjoy my childhood. I forgot. I told myself to, remember telling myself to, even.

Decades later, $200k in student loan debt, struggling with addiction, suicidal thoughts, very uncomfortable and obtrusive sexual thoughts, I almost killed myself so. many. times.

Now I’m sober, in therapy, good job, stable-ish home environment living by myself, the memory came back.

Decided that I would confront him, decided that I would tell my parents first to get their support. They didn’t believe me. I drove across the country seeking to confront the bastard in person, my parents got wind of it and warned him to stay away, protecting him.

It’s been too long to seek actual charges in a criminal court, I was in the bottom of a bottle for almost a decade after the nightmares started.

There’s no hope for closure. No hope for an apology, an admittance, compensation, nothing. I get nothing. He ruined my life, and I get nothing.

I wake up thinking about killing myself most days.

NaN

Winner: Moving to Japan and getting out of the US. Both places have their problems, but I’d rather be here.

Runner up: Corona lockdowns caused me to do some thinking and soul-searching, but also finally made remote work somewhat of a thing. This ended up helping me be able to move to the countryside without the home loan companies being too weirded out by it.

Why one event? Do most people only get one event, or have I just gone through a lot?

Graduating from university and getting the news of my dad’s diagnosis. I’m in the part of the story where everything goes wrong. Just waiting for the part where everything suddenly goes right.

Probably the most pivotal one I can think of was my introduction into the industry I work in. Just an 18yr old who needed a job, got invited to check out a small CNC job shop by a family friend. Fell in love with the industry and explosively grew my knowledge and skills. I was at that job less than a year but still in the industry many years later.

Not sure what my life would’ve been like otherwise, I had goals that disappeared when I entered the industry. So maybe I would’ve reached those, or had more/different friends through schooling. Either way, this is where is am.

Getting sober

I was thrown into group home hell as an early teen. It was SDA, only guys, no music, Internet, TV, strict poorly cooked diet, intense manual labor and no phones. Calls from my parents for 15 min once a week if I “behaved”. Intense religious programming and your leaving was determined arbitrarily based on “points”.

Spent roughly 3-4 years of my early teen experience there before I decided I was no longer interested in participating and decided instead on choosing to be a problem. Parents pulled me out and sent me off to boarding school when they got worried things weren’t working in their favor.

I’ve recovered slowly since. It’s been about half my life ago now and I still have night terrors and rages that make it not possible for my s/o and I to sleep together. I punch, kick and scream in my sleep.

I didn’t have a chance to even consider my gender until my mid 20’s and my parents have abandoned my sister and I over us refusing to conform to their views for their love. I will forever blame that awful place for robbing my childhood. For raping my friends. For beating kids. For forcing religious practice.

I grew stronger in many ways because of the hell, but despite its efforts.

Waking up after a night of depression and binge drinking and my “third eye” being open. The world was different, I saw things differently. My depression was basically gone that day and no more drinking. Some call this enlightenment. It’s beautiful, appreciating the world and seeing things in a wider context. There is no purpose to life but that’s what makes it beautiful

My baptism

Before I fled my home state (in the USA) for another, more accepting state, I would probably have said dropping out of college.

Oddly it was one of the best decisions I made for my mental health. Dropped out, got a job, made friends, moved out of my parents’.

Then I had to flee and ruined all that. Still recovering economically and psychically a year after. Things seem better here, but I’m fighting with an anxiety/panic disorder after putting off mentally dealing with the move (and a dozen other shit life events) for 11 months