I'm back on my BS 🤪

I’m back on my bullshit.

  • 32 Posts
  • 479 Comments
Joined 4 months ago
Cake day: May 28th, 2024
  • I'm back on my BS 🤪@lemmy.autism.placetoGreentext@sh.itjust.works•Anon gets diagnosed
    2·
    2 days ago

    remember saying no has to have consequences!

    • Yep! I’ve put that into practice. Sick of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. I think I used to give it a lot because I thought I needed it a lot due to my autistic traits missing social cues and whatever implications people took from my statements/behaviors. Lately, I’ve recognized that a lot of what I thought were the impact of my aloof behaviors were actually others shaming me. Previously, I would just assume I messed up and would try to learn social rules from it. Now, I’m at the point that if I say something and someone took it wrong, we can address it collaboratively. But if I’m the one that is expected to make changes to accommodate their perception rather than negotiating a happy middle in which we both make changes, then forget it. I’m not going to be the one that is automatically “wrong” whenever there is a disagreement.

    mostly, their words dont fit into their actions.

    • Yes!! I learned the acronym ABB: Always Believe Behavior. If someone says something but behaves differently, the behavior is the truth.

    look out for key phrases - one might be: "So you are saying? " this is usually followed by a thing you did not say at all.

    • I’ve been working on something similar. Basically, I’m tired of people telling me what I mean and more importantly, what my intentions are or why I do things. Thinking back to the people I remember using that phrase often, those people ended up being unbearable to me. Eventually, I would just stay quiet to avoid them taking anything the wrong way, which meant I would stop existing. Sucks I went through all of that, but at least I learned how to use I-statements well!

    another might be: “I am so sorry you feel that way.”

    • And “you’re too sensitive!” lol. I seriously want a shirt on it that says “I’m too sensitive” to wear it like a badge of honor.

    What i do for the “so you are saying” is the following: I bid them politely and soft spoken to repeat the question, as soon as they are past 3 words, I interrupt them really loud and aggressive with: “NO, I DID NOT SAY THAT AT ALL!” then I shut up and stare. I say nothing. the other guy has to say something first. it is a powerstruggle.

    • That doesn’t seem like something that would work well with my style of interaction, but I appreciate the example. I rarely talk through implication unless I’m making a ridiculous joke. Aside from underplaying my feelings and experiences, I think I am very direct. So, if someone is asking me, “So you are saying…?” then there is a major disconnect in communication, or we’re back to that “putting words in my mouth” crap. Either way, if that happens infrequently, then it might be tolerable. If it’s a routine thing, then there’s no need to maintain that relationship.

    combative, social, competetive, diplomacy or bartering. dont make my mistake, each and every situation was always social for me.

    • In the past, I would fawn when I noticed competitiveness hoping that their “win” would cause them to stop it, but I’ve learned that more often than not, they’re never satisfied. The point isn’t to win. It’s to dominate. I’ve done a lot better with combative environments in the past year, so I’m happy with that progress. While I’ve learned to reject combative situations, I have still stayed in for longer than I should have in competitive ones. I’m working on leaving those situations much quicker now though. Lately, I’ve been immersing myself in situations that are collaborative or at the least, understanding. There’s definitely a different feel to it. It’s much nicer and enjoyable. The competitive ones are exhausting.
    • Bonus: Hanging around other neurodivergent people has helped me gain perspective by seeing how people treat them. It’s a lot easier for me to see toxic and manipulative behaviors happen from a 3rd person perspective. Once I see it, then it’s easier to recognize when it’s happening to me in 1st person. Bonus from bonus: helps me have a lot of compassion for myself.

    ok, I am glad you pulled yourself up by your bootstraps. (figure of speech)

    • Thank you, and you too! I appreciate the conversation. I hope you have a nice week also.
  • I'm back on my BS 🤪@lemmy.autism.placetoToday I Learned@lemmy.world•TIL about Sebastian Münster's 1540 map of the Americas, the first one to show that North and South America were connected by an isthmus and the first to call it 'The New World.'English
    18·
    3 days ago

    This makes sense given the popular knowledge at the time. The reason Columbus set sail wasn’t because he was a genius that knew the Earth was round when everyone else didn’t. We knew the Earth was round since antiquity. I can’t remember who1, but some ancient Greek had calculated the circumference of the Earth using the angle of a shadow, distance to a equinox solstice, and simple trigonometry. They guy was less than 5% off with his rudimentary calculation, which is impressive considering that he paid some dude to measure the distance between two towns by walking it. Anyways, the Western Europeans thought that Japan was farther east, somewhere around where the words “Terra florida” are on this map if I recall correctly from memory. When the Niña, Pinta, and Santa Marimba (party boat! jk, it was Santa Maria named after the “virgin”) landed on the most beautiful land that human eyes had ever seen, they knew they hadn’t landed on Zipangri/Cipangu/Japan. Instead, they thought they had landed on some island off of India, which is why they called the locals “Indios” (Indians). Anyways part 2, they thought that Japan was much further east than it was. I imagine that since they hadn’t found it for this map yet, they though it must be right out of sight of the western coast of North Vespucci (America).

    What I’m curious about is that 7448 inflating archipelago. Anyone have an idea on what that’s about?

    1: The dude was Eratosthenes. Thanks, @[email protected]!

  • I'm back on my BS 🤪@lemmy.autism.placetoGreentext@sh.itjust.works•Anon gets diagnosed
    2·
    4 days ago

    Really‽ Can you help me understand how? I’m not offended in anyway at all. I would just like to gain some awareness of how my communication is perceived by others, so I think it would be helpful for me to understand your perspective. I know that people can be reserved because they feel cautious with intercultural topics, so if you feel more comfortable, feel free to DM instead. Whatever works for you 🙂