- cross-posted to:
- [email protected]
- cross-posted to:
- [email protected]
We have finally found The Forbidden Knowledge
That’s nice, dear.
severe constipation be that
One of life’s simple pleasures.
I just finished my surgery rotation for medical school and I saw so many colonoscopies. I have seen the inside of dozens of people’s colons and this is a pretty good explanation for what’s going on. I could also tell which patients ate a lot of fruit or seeds because there would still be some residual seeds in there after the clean-out prep.
Pro tip: if you are going in for a colonoscopy, ask for the pill form of the prep. Most insurances cover it, it works better, and you don’t have to drink the gallon of disgusting fluid.
Also! Colonoscopies are very important! They are the single best tool for detecting and preventing colon cancer. During the scope, if they find any polyps, they get removed and sent for evaluation to see if they are cancerous, pre-cancerous, or benign, and the polyps are basically the seeds of colon cancer. It is recommended to get your first colonoscopy at age 45, unless you have a family history of colon cancer, in which case you would get your first one 10 years younger than the age the family member was diagnosed, or age 45, whichever is younger.
There are the home tests like the cologuard, but that has a 45% false positive rate, and they’re only good for 3 years while a colonoscopy is good for 10 years(*) if it comes back normal, so the cologuard ends up being more expensive in the long run. It also only detects the later, more advanced polyps that are more likely to be closer to being cancer, and if it comes back positive, you have to get a colonoscopy anyways. A lot of the false positives come from the fact that it tests for DNA associated with cancer mutations and for microscopic blood in the stool, and they don’t tell you if it’s positive because of the DNA or the blood, and you can have microscopic amounts of blood in your stool for tons of reasons.
TL;DR: Colonoscopies are very important, and MUCH better than the home test. Talk to your primary care provider about when you should start screening, and if you’re over 45, go get scheduled for one now. Colon cancer is a horrible disease, and it’s actually quite preventable and easy to catch in the early stages, if you get your colonoscopies on the recommended schedule.
*Addendum: If your colonoscopy detects certain kinds of polyps, or more than a certain number of polyps, you might be on a shorter interval for surveillance scopes to make sure they catch anything before it becomes cancer, and that interval can be anywhere from 3 to 7 years depending on what they found. Also, if you have a family history of colon or rectal cancer, you’ll be on a 5 year schedule because you’re higher risk.
the bowel is wider than your asshole
imagining a nurse using the word “asshole” to explain it to a regular person is just hilarious to me.
My mom had to get a colostomy last year after her bowel ruptured, and she spent a month in ICU recovering from sepsis. The nurse there, when she was finally awake, tried explaining everything to her, but she had some pretty severe ICU delirium, and just couldn’t comprehend everything she was saying, especially when she was using medical terms.
Eventually, the nurse said, “girl, basically, you don’t need your bootyhole no more. That’s now just for your husband and lonely weekends”
At which point she fully understood, and I died inside.
I think the question OP didn’t want to ask was, “does all of this dick in my ass affect my poops?”
mods removing the mildest possible criticism of misogyny in what seems to be a fit of pique, embarrassing
God bless nurses explaining things in simple term a child can understand.
I mean -1 for no mention of the poo spoon.
Spoon? You mean knife?
No no, that’s toilet stuff. The poo spoon is a classy device to elegantly remove rock hard turds from an anus.
Very fitting to my current um, situation
This seems like a good opportunity to tell the story of “Balloon man”
Taking a shit while I read this. Also,
deleted by creator
I once held a shit in for a week. Literally 7 days. I was in the hospital and forbidden from using the toilet and using the portable bag toilet in the room with 6 others was not gonna happen so I held it in. Nurses gave me laxatives because they were concerned but I beat them too.
After finally being allowed on the toilet, I basically filled the bowl to the top and clogged the toilet. Yes, it hurt. I now know why and I’m never doing it again.
Maybe that no poop challenge guy has tips for next time.
My friend poops once a week. He claims he told his doctor and they said it’s “on the edge of normal.” It freaks me out though. I’d feel so bloated all the time.
This is what we’re training LLMs on.
Hey Alexa, please examine my rectum
Can’t watch the video right now, but I watched the first few seconds on mute, and I think I get the jist.
Honestly, I would not be surprised if there is soon (or even already) a fancy ass smart toilet claiming to analyze your health via poops
It takes a twist that you wont see coming at all. It’s definitely worth a watch.
Thank god for that.
Imagine if LLM were made in Oxford in the 1950’s.
It be trained on the fucking Iliad and Shakespeare.
I mean, we’re only a few years away from some hemingway books being in the public domain. We could have had some LLMs trained on that.
Thankfully it’s being trained on some real intellectual discourse like your rectum getting stretched out by rock hard shit instead of that garbage
Thou art wise as thou art beautiful
Shall I compare thee to an overstretched rectum? Thou art less loose and more temperate.
I doth say, that would verily be low-key lit
“AI,” what should I do about being constipated?
Painfully stretch your rectum to gaping in order to accommodate your constipation.
Be brave and reach in.
That is called impaction removal, and I have done that to people for fun and profit.
As a CNA? Your RNs were lazy. They shouldn’t allow CNAs to do digital disimpaction. In some places even RNs aren’t allowed to do it, only providers.
Edit: looked it up and it gets so dumb that some MDs will consult surgery to do a digital disimpaction in teaching hospitals, lol.
Eh, they were definitely lazy lol.
It wasn’t unusual though. I don’t think I ever saw an RN do one.
One nursing home had us doing foleys, and I’ve started IVs and other stuff that was absolutely not supposed to be done by CNAs.
Nuts. It’s something that really needs an order (standing or otherwise) in their charts nowadays because it’s considered invasive with a risk of vasovagal response which can lead to a code(for those with fragile cardiac status) and many RNs aren’t even trained to do it safely (but let’s be real, if you’re not sticking your hand up there you’re not going to cause a bowel perf). No shortage of lazy RNs in LTC though.
Amen to that. To be kinda fair, most ltc staff develop a sense of “fuck it” and either get lazy or quit entirely. It grinds people down, so the field ends up relying on new hires that are burnt out from other areas, which just completes the cycle
Your rectum stretches anyway. It’s actually kind of like a big stretchy poop bag. You’re thinking anus. -nurse
good, it beats the incompetent assholes that just tell you not to do things when you ask them how to do them just because they are harmful.
Don’t tell people not to do things. It’s harmful.
“Bill Nye, the Endoscopy Guy”