Proper uncensored version thanks to @[email protected]
Couldn’t find a wild uncensored version, so here’s an edited version. #FuckCensorship
Wow way to suck Google images
Circle to search is surprisingly good
Ohhhh i thought it said duck and I was confused
What a quack.
If you post censored shit I’m going to PM you shittingdicknipples and lemonparty.
/shakes tiny fist wistfully
Some have even tested the depths of a twat or two
It has to vary from person to person but I’ve never seen a sexual guide that discusses how deep in inches the canal is
Don’t threaten me with a good time.
You’ll touch my dick and you’ll like it goddammit
“Almost” is a bit optimistic. Are femcels getting office jobs these days?
Some people are straight and left handed. Typically shake with your right. Possible to split the responsibility completely although has to be rare.
Do they also use the computer mouse with their right hand?
Definitely can be. Handedness is weird.
Mine has also been up to the wrist in vagina, with moderate colon (limited to the digits). I let people know this before they shake my hand, in the spirit of transparency.
thats why i dont shake hands anymore.
Me too. When in a social situation where it unavoidable I do it but then always wonder how many dicks has this hand handled
This is why I force everyone to let me shake their hand
Counterpoint: a greater number have touched a vagina (but that framing doesn’t obsess over a woman’s sexual purity, so, clearly less important)
Everyone has touched a vagina. You at least passed one on the way out.
Not people who were born via Caesarean.
The amount of technical correctness in this post is out of this world
That one pissed off Macbeth, too.
Counter counter point: a great number of dicks have touched a vagina
Present company excluded
I hold a duck once, didn’t know it was that widespread.
Brag much.
Never thought about it but obviously everyman has had a dick in his hand for obvious reasons. And all females old enough for sexual interactions have had one in their hand. This is now stuck in my head. The next time I shake the hand of a woman I am going to wonder how many dicks she has had in that hand.
Men/Women Male/Female
Those are the pairings you wanted. But, for fun, try swapping them next time and see what kind of attitude folks get.
Male/Women
Do it. Rustle some jimmies.
There are so many issues with this comment. Judgy and naïve in the best interpretation.
I hate that OP is on my radar now but they seem to be constantly testing the bigotry waters, seems like possible ban evasion as well
LOL. The politically correct police are on your ass tonight!
I cannot believe the seriousness of these replies. What is it the kids say? “Touch grass”?
It is amazing how so many people cannot simply joke around. Politics so consume their lives every single thing in life is viewed only in that context. And not only cannot they not simply joke around they are on a mission to impose their views on anyone who disagrees with them. What a sad way to go through life. Social media in general is all a joke. And this group specifically is all about just getting a laugh.
Impose their views on people who disagree with them? Damn that’s crazy, people want others to treat people with respect and not be bigoted? How political
Of course “bigoted” is in the eyes of the beholder. And those judging have no real idea if a person joking around is actually a bigot.
Of course it’s in the eyes of the beholder, like anything is, but from the reaction of others, it seems like most people in this thread agree with me or have a similar viewpoint, so I think it’s worth considering why people had that impression. If it’s not your views coming out or your intention, fix what was pointed out and there’s that.
they are on a mission to impose their views on anyone who disagrees with them. What a sad way to go through life.
Nevertheless, I don’t know about you but this doesn’t look like a joke, nor does your initial comment, as it seems you’re taking what you said quite seriously, I don’t see why you’d say that if you weren’t.
But anyways, bigoted jokes are just that: bigoted. Not that great of a defence. Nobody has a problem against “joking around”, it’s more about what your comment was full of.
thanks for encouraging me to “fix” it so I am perfectly aligned with you and “most people in this thread” I wouldn’t want to be able to think for myself
If
Anyways, so yes, you are a bigot, thanks for confirming
If you can’t tell…still not great.
I dunno why you’re complaining about politics. Your statement was gross, STRONG ick factor. You’re getting downvoted as you deserve to be for being so cringe.
(lemmy is technically correcting about everything): i sleep (correcting about geneder) REAL SHIT
Pretty sure it’s “eat ass”.
everyman
females
Everywomen/everymales
all [women] old enough for sexual interactions have had one in their hand.
Nah.
Gonna has to go piece by piece through this:
obviously everyman has had a dick in his hand for obvious reasons.
This line is trans-exclusive, which would probably be given a pass by all but the most ardent trans-inclusive commenters, but still not great.
And all females
Dude. There are some times when an argument is made that saying “females” is not inherently objectifying, especially in a scientific, military, or other setting where people are categorized that way, with the significant difference being consistency (e.g. man/woman, male/female, etc). Using one then the other strips all that away and makes it seem like referring to women as “females” is just your normal tendency, which strongly suggests the objectifying behavior.
And all females old enough for sexual interactions have had one in their hand.
This is just obviously wrong, as plenty of lesbians, asexual people, or those with lack of access to sexual connections with others have not had a dick in their hands, and that is not an insignificant percentage of women, I’d imagine.
The next time I shake the hand of a woman I am going to wonder how many dicks she has had in that hand.
As if to underline the “females” comment, it’s pretty telling that you feel it worth mentioning that you’re going to wonder how many dicks were in the hands of women, but not men (especially funny since any man you meet has most likely had a dick in his hand more recently than a woman).
Sometimes it is difficult to notice your own biases, so I hope this makes you think about what leads you toward thinking like this, and just general self-reflection.
And some men sit to pee
You’re assuming all women of sufficient age have had sex, which is just not true. Many women (and men) don’t have an interest in sexual activity, or haven’t had an opportunity to engage in it, regardless of age.
Hey, uh, don’t refer to male humans as “men” and then female humans as “females” like that. It’s kinda dehumanizing.
Like, I get calling men, “males” and women “females”, because I’ll do that sometimes (I claim fur-brain as my defense, because calling anthro characters “man” or “woman” is weird); but try not to do the thing where you say “men” then “females” as if we’re a complete different species. That’s… just… not appropriate in a normal context.
“male” and “female” are more appropriate as adjectives than nouns
Good god, that’s what I came to say. Thank you.
We got the lemmy police on here though. “You can’t say that word!”
Yes! I’ve been trying to figure out what the fuck the difference is for a long time but for some reason that explanation kept eluding me; I don’t mind being called “a female [blank]”, but just being called “a female” bothers me. But that’s it right there, it’s when it’s used as a noun.
it’s literally objectifying you
bro is gonna loose it when he learns about lesbians
Honestly curious about this. I don’t think that people turn into homosexuals. They either are or aren’t at birth. But in the case of lesbians, which you raised, I wonder how many have at least once experimented with at least one hetero interaction which would involve penis holding
Speaking of which, an obsession with dicks or second hand dicks totally sets off my gaydar. Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, but this post feels a bit like overcompensating, so maybe it’s something to think about.
Like does it really bug you that a hand probably touched a dick or does it bug you that the thought causes a more complex reaction than that?
Either that or you don’t really care about it that much but are saying it to trigger others who might care, which I can respect.
Recently someone I used to be closer friends with but we rarely hang out anymore because he drinks too much, he came over a mutual friends house while I was there and would not shut the fuck up about how he wasn’t gay. But like… nobody said he was. It wasn’t even a topic of conversation. He was just drunk as fuck. It got to the point where I was like dude… you’re projecting is there something you wanna tell me? And then he shut up.
So it’s a small town… I ask one of my gay guy friends who knows him (all the locals know everyone it’s a smallllllll town) if he has any thoughts and it turns out drunk friend has unfortunately been a sex pest towards him.
Drunk is bisexual and not handling it well apparently.
Everyone needs to get some humor in their lives. It does wonders. It’s a completely JOKE post. Who would give any consideration to how many cocks a person handled before shaking hands with them. EVERYONE wipes their butt. Do rational people actually think about that before shaking hands? And what would be more accepable shaking a butt wiping hand or a cock handling hand?
I consider “shitpost” a great group for posting humourous and strange things. Geez, it’s not serious stuff. There are plently of other groups for serious discussion and debate.
bro is gonna loose it when he learns about bisexuals
So assuming good faith curiosity here, heteronormativity and compulsive heterosexuality are a thing. There’s huge social pressure to conform - as a child growing up I got constant messaging that one day I’d grow up, get a boyfriend, get married, have babies, etc. and so, starting to feel the pressure of being a late bloomer and not understanding that my awkwardness around other girls was because I was attracted to them (because that’s not like a thing), I found myself a boyfriend at 18 and we dated a few years because I really loved him and the sex was mostly enjoyable. But only a few months in I realized I was attracted to women, and it took a few years to fully accept it. Dating women is much harder, factually it’s a numbers game there’s just a lot less of us. But I dated a few over the years, and it took me seven years before I dated another man for a couple months, who I also love and I’m still good friends with today but we haven’t hooked up in almost a decade. And then there were a bunch of women since, some for a short time some for a long. I consider myself a lesbian through and through, although the label police will be like well acktually which is toxic as fuck. Obviously words have meaning but people have the right to express themselves as they see fit. Pedantic people would say I’m bisexual because I dared to sleep with two men in the last 18 years. I’d say I’m so rarely attracted to men that I actually stop and savor the moment when I do find one attractive, like seeing a rare bird or something lol.
So to answer the initial part about turning homosexual , I think sexuality is somewhat fluid and few people are 100% in either direction. Think of the most attractive male actor to you (assuming you are male). Would you be embarrassed if you woke up in bed (consensually of course) with them? Or would you be like damn alright well that was enjoyable but probably won’t happen again?
Bruh forgot about trans people, lesbians, and asexuals
show me where it says lesbians can’t love cock
Kind of irrelevant, because there’s lots of lesbians who have never touched a dick.
This is making my brain hurt
I mean dildos are shaped like dicks generally so they probably have nothing against Dick, just the useless shit attached to it
Bingo
What if I told you that neither dicks nor dick-shaped objects are necessary for great sex?
No protests from me, just stating facts that there are plenty of people who don’t as well
Pftt I’m not afraid of a drink!
As all things should be (unless unwanted)
While I was shaking it.
Skin renews every vew days.
Mine has a dick in it pretty regularly. The point is still valid…
The fact you said “a dick” and not “my dick” 🤨
Sometimes it’s more than one. 🫢
Gay, and bisexual people exist, ya know.
And women
No I don’t.
Straight, or bi women? Sure, there might be some. Allegedly.
So what? And I also wash my hands regularly. The point still stands. It’s not gross, it’s just a fact.
Ah but is it still the same hand?
I just stated a fact too.
Every time you shake someone’s hand, remember statistically some of them were fingering pussy or touching dick more recently than the last time they washed their hands. The more you know 🌈
I wonder what it says under that grey bar. No way to tell.
