I am of the age to have kids, some of my friends have them, but I have mixed feelings about it, just wondering about other people’s experiences.
I have them, they are great. Here are a few obvious things I’ve learned that I didn’t appreciate beforehand:
The complexity of the endeavor rises exponentially with the number of kids. That is to say, 3 is a much bigger leap from 2 than 2 was from 1.
They get dramatically more expensive and complicated as they get older. All that exhausting baby activity is the easy part. As you start to figure out how to do it, the rules shift and you have to get learning again.
I never imagined how much of adult life as a parent revolves around the literal management of shit. Between kids, pets, and aging parents, I just never expected to be so preoccupied with the logistics of excrement. I guess I was living in some kind of Disneyland in the before times. You sort of get used to it though. Sort of.
Such a wise and thoughtful answer 😊👍
In this economy???!
People had children in conditions way worse than this. Children and their patents used to suffer and die all the time. Yet they are the expression of hope and confidence in our species. And while I agree that it’s not looking great for us, I refuse to give up, roll on my back and wait to go extinct in an aging, dying world.
Honestly I don’t care. What is special about our species anyway? And if I ever wanted kids, I would want them to be born into a reasonable society, not into this skewed and twisted society where greed and ownership is the main goal.
Always has been
I have a son that is the most important thing in my life. He is 2.5 now, but it took me a year to adjust to my new life, and I am shamed to admit that several episodes could have a been handled better. (No abuse, but daddy getting angry for a toddler being a toddler) It took a toll on the relationships too. Still does since tired people have shorter fuses.
Bottom line now is that he fills me with joy. Watching him learn new thing like how there ia fluff between his toes (and do dad have it too?) to how all water used for painting turns grey. How he practices being a ninja sneaking up on me (but can’t contain his excitement and giggle) The texture of food, and how spaghetti sticks.
Of course you are tired and stressed, and the random pain from unexpected movements when dressing him, or from death dives on the couch is always there. But I would not trade him for anything.
I wake up to a quiet, clean house every day. Not having kids is the best.
My golden rule of thumb goes by this ruling, if I can barely take care of myself and barely get by. There’s absolutely no way or chance I’ve got in caring for someone else like a child.
If I can’t stand the sight, scent, hearing and other things of other people’s children. There’s not a guarantee that I’ll see my child any different.
Some mom’s out there with kids the neighborhood raises will be all: “have them anyways, you’ll make it work!”
Mood. There was a time I was standing in line at the post office and some haggard looking mother was doing her best to calmly reign in her child who was busy running away from her, screeching and pulling over every display he could reach, and having zero regard for anyone else in the vicinity. I could see her exhaustion and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I usually just grit my teeth and try to ignore it until I can escape, but this time I cut off the kids path when he got close, said “Stop” in the harshest tone I could muster, and ngl was pretty pleased with myself when he went crying to his mom. I did realize in that moment, tho, that I probably shouldn’t have kids.
I tried so hard to find the clip from Under the Silver Lake where he snaps and beats the asshole kid, but i couldn’t find it after ten minutes cuz the Internet is so disappointing now
I hate when the internet eats a classic clip. Hopefully this tangentially related episode of Next Time on Lonny helps?
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I have 2 kids. One bit and one girl. Wish I had a third, but I got snipped after 2.
Had baby fever for about 2 years before my husband got his and we initially wanted at least 2. Had our son and the fever never returned. I didn’t want to have another to appease society and end up with a child that I honestly would have regretted. I’m now happily one and done with an 8 year old. When things aren’t going well, I have to remind myself and especially my husband that he’s a child.
Is like to, but I won’t before I’m in a good enough life situation, and either seems improbable or very far away, and while men can definitely have kids to very late in life, I don’t want to wear diapers at the same time as my kids might.
So yeah, mixed feelings.
If I won the lotto right now and found a spouse, sure. Out side from that, nah, prolly not.
I didn’t want kids for the longest time. Then I met my husband and wanted to make a family. We were fortunate to have two lovely girls (after three unfortunate miscarriages). Actually, I think it was after the first miscarriage that my desire for a baby was truly solidified.
Life is chaotic and busy and expensive but I wouldn’t trade it for life before kids.
Assuming people on Lemmy have sex is bold.
That “joke” was old on Reddit before Lemmy was even a thing.
Did it strike a nerve?
Nah, I don’t really base my personality on my amount of sex (or lack of it). Maybe I have sex 3 times a day, maybe I’m a virgin, maybe something in between. No matter what my sex situation is, your comment is still stupid.
Uh huh
Yeah let this one go
I feel like I should have a kid but I’ll never meet a woman that wants me plus me being poor. It’s a terrible combination.
I have kids and love it. There is 100% more trampoline in my life because of them. Mine are both autistic and have quirky interests which we’ve leaned into (visited the fan museum, attended the international carwash convention, and have spent countless hours at home depot, etc), so that’s a little bit of a bonus. I have friends who don’t have kids and are equally as happy. You just gotta choose the right path for you.
🤔 i like the idea of kids, but i am worried that I’ll accidentally pass down all my traumas to them by trying hard to avoid it.
Also, i have voiced this before many times and i always get told “that just means you’ll be a great dad,” or “you know what not to do so it’ll be fiiiine.”
Idk. I can be convinced, for sure, but right now i think it’s not the best idea for me to have them.
There are no guarantees but it’s a great first step to be aware of things you want to avoid. Good luck either way
Thanks, friend. We shall see what the future holds.
As someone who wants kids, this thread is very depressing.
