what is he doing that I’m not
He’s not being a fucking stoner for one thing
Eh, that one is a bad take.
Assuming that getting stoner supplies implies he’s a stoner and that if he is a stoner, that is the reason he’s unpartnered is as myopic as him assuming she’s not into video games and that he’s got her ‘whipped’.
Woah hey what did we ever do to you?!
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IDK, did they ever think maybe the dude also pays attention to her hobbies as well?
Dude met Pip and Lafawnduh irl.
Answer: staying off of 4chan.
My wife played way more fallout than me. I didn’t even play New Vegas and she wrapped that shit like three times. Girls liking video games isn’t that abnormal, idk why all these gamer nerds have been lead to believe that video gaming is unilaterally a male hobby and that women who like games are unicorn levels of rare. Like at least a solid third of the girls I know are more into video games than I am. Given I’m no hardcore gamer, but this attitude is always silly to me.
Women just don’t thrive on competition the way we do. They will absolutely nerd out on most other shit though, anything from Pokemon party builds to Fallout lore to puzzles.
The only other girl filter I’ve seen besides competition is the hardcore autistic stuff like logistics and simulators; not nearly as many women playing Factorio, Mudrunner, Elite, etc… They’re out there though, and there are exceptions like Wurm Online that attract more women than you would otherwise expect.
I really am not sure that’s true. I think that has more to do with socialization than one actually being more competitive. I am supposedly a guy and I rarely feel that competitive over stuff like gaming, and that’s despite having anger issues for a good portion of my life.
As someone else said misogyny tends to push women away from these communities as well.
As a girl, my experience is even the particularly competitive women basically get harassed out of competitive gaming. My exes and I used to play overwatch together and I have an all female friend group that sometimes plays valorant together and yeah the misogyny has guaranteed we all stay casuals.
I mean everyone gets harassed by the small amount of shitheads online. I used to get death threats at least once a day in World of Tanks. People would pick whatever they thought would offend me, throwing racial epithets, ableist terms… Name it, I got it. That’s how shitheads work: they throw stuff at you, see what sticks, and start digging where they see the marks.
Yeah, I can agree with that. My wife likes playing smash bros with me and my friends, but she’s nowhere near the levels of me and my two buddies who are really good. She’s getting there slowly tho.
the hardcore autistic stuff
But that’s the stuff that’s fun! A good game is a game I have a spreadsheet for.
When I was a pre-teen, I used to play Diablo with a married couple that played together. (I never met them IRL, just in-game.) That created some unrealistic expectations for me about romantic partners and computer games - I wanted to date a woman who shared my interest in games, but I never met even a single one and so I gave up on that long ago. A couple of women I dated did want to try playing games with me because they were interested in sharing my hobbies, but they were so bad at the games I liked and the games they wanted to play were so casual (and they were bad at those too). I knew I was being an asshole but I still refused to keep playing with them. It was just too frustrating.
I should clarify that I didn’t expect someone who had never played games before to become a pro instantly. What bothered me was that they didn’t even seem to want to win. Nowadays I just accept that I’m way more intense about games than most people (not just women) are and so I deliberately avoid showing that part of myself IRL. It wouldn’t look good.
Probably didn’t go in with the idea that the only way she would be interested in similar hobbies was for her to be whipped in some way and just treated her like a person. 🤷🏿♀️
I love my wife but she’s totally hypocritical about this. Couldn’t care less about any game story I think is deep and engaging, but wants me to know about all about Onyx Storm and Throne of Glass.
what is he doing that I’m not?
Having self confidence about his passions and being willing to talk about them with someone who might get it the first time. Believe it or not a lot of women like to listen to guys gush about their passions.
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Women actually like vg yo. I would know, i got my wife into them when we met (she hadn’t played games since she was a kid) and now, while i still take the crown in side-scrollin platformers and fighters? she whips my ass in shooters and it’s not actually close.
My wife destroys me in puzzle games, farm management sims and difficult platformers that make me rage like Spelunky. Any shooter however, she is a bit lost but she happily loots away and explores while I’m demolishing everything. It’s nice having a shared activity we can nerd out about.
When my GF beat me in Soul Caliber, I knew she was the one.
My wife beat me at MarioKart at a party in my apt. And well, that’s where it started lmao.
Bitch didn’t even know how to drift and just snaked that victory out from under me.
My wife would casually watch me play games until she saw me playing Rust with the bros. She shyly asked if I could build her a computer.
Brother I had been building, fixing, and overclocking PCs for like 20 years by that point, a few a month even. I slapped one together from spare parts and got her in the game.
She immediately used the fact that she is a girl to work her way into the good graces of other factions and made us friends I couldn’t have imagined. She would change her name and kill sleepers to make our enemies think they had been raided by other enemies. She would make friends with the resident assholes and then map out their base layout for us.
My group has people in it like a top 10k solo no-build Fortnite player, a guy who regularly airdisked people 300m away in Tribes, and two top World of Tanks NA players: we are a force to be reckoned with on any day. She was armed with nothing but kindness and help for good people, and wrath for those who wronged good people.
She fit right in.
Real talk: some of us are just lore junkies.
In my experience: He’s emotionally available, interested in her and her experience, actually listening, gentle and honest.
I’m about the fattest, ugliest, loser nerd around and if I can be in a relationship with a succesful, beautiful, adventurous woman, so can anon.
I am sure it isn’t the case. The first part of the last sentence I mean.
Meh, I’m like really heavy, dangerously so even, and my many health problems (which don’t help with the physical attractiveness) originate from that. So no, I’m ugly and fat and in many, many regards I’m a loser. But I have other things going for me.
GF wants into this discussion, this is her words:
I wouldn’t call him the fattest, ugliest, looser nerd, but he is definitely fat and doesn’t conform to any classic ideal of male beauty. Instead, he is very gentle, loving and tender and makes me feel like a goddess. He also does what he said he would do: he is interested in me, not just because he has to ask, he actually wants to know what I think and feel. And he is not afraid to tell me his feelings, honest and vulnerable, even if they are actually embarrassing and he may even be ashamed of them. He wants to connect with me emotionally, honest and with his whole heart.
So I guess I’m making up for it with inner beauty and that’s precisely why I commented here:
I had already given up on love, I was a 40 years old, depressed, fat nerd with a career going nowhere. Really not physically attractive at all. I’ve been where so many of these Anons are. But through my significant other and the ones before her, I learned that you really don’t need to be tall, fit and conventionally attractive to find love.
“Just” respect your partner, be open, be honest, be gentle, be caring and be interested, really interested in what she thinks and does and feels.
For me the hardest part was lowering my defenses and being vulnerable with her, telling her even the things that I thought she would find unmanly or disgusting, everything I was and am still ashamed of. And sometimes it’s really hard to actually listen, to not just hear but listen, to not let her voice be drowned out in the multitude of voices from inside and outside your own head and things and media and events happening around you every day. I’ve really had to learn (and am still learning) to come to a calm focus and practice active listening. It’s not easy, but I do it because I love her, and she’s given me the mental stability and something to look forward to that has helped me start not only my weight loss journey, but also continue to work at becoming a better person, better listener and the man I want to be for her.
I’m far from perfect, I still mess things up, my weight loss progresses painfully slow, my mental health still has pretty bad days and I’ve fucked up listening again this week, just like last week. But I’ll be damned if I give up again. And she’s so incredibly supportive and appreciative, that I’m still wondering sometimes what the hell she sees in me and how I deserve someone so wonderful.
Fuck yeah.
I’ve thought for years that the most attractive features in a person are Curiosity, Care and Growth (as in, learning and improving yourself).
Sounds like you’ve got those in spades.
Rooting for you, man! Be kind to yourself too, you definitely deserve it!
Damn dude, seems like you’re still winning to me. Just having that support goes a long way, hope you can keep at the weight loss (progress is progress) and have more good mental health days than bad (the more you practice the easier it gets, even if it’s never easy).
Sometimes I hear Kevin Smith talking about himself in front of a crowd, and he immediately describes himself as this fat loser… and I always think bro, you’re doing fine - great even - stop putting yourself down in front of others, it makes everyone feel weird.
Yeah well Kevin did weigh 257 pounds and is a successful director, producer, writer and actor… I’m north of 400 and none of those things. But I got other things going for me, so I’m okay with being a fat ugly loser, I’m winning what’s important to me.
Well I’m probably reading too much into it, but I just think that being publicly revulsed by yourself, even in jest, teaches others how to treat you.
I know that going the other way is the path to narcissism/arrogance, and pointing out your faults keeps you humble and telegraphs that you have no defences because you dont need any… but I think that works only if you assume that people dont take others at face value. Which we all unfortunately do.
Not really sure what I’m advising here, or what the middleground exactly is here, but hopefully you can see where I’m coming from
Both directions of it are defense mechanisms. And ime it’s better to go the jokingly overconfident route than the self depreciation route, though I find a bit of both to be fun. That said here his self depreciation serves his argument.
Agreed on all fronts
Ugh, I just had a flashback to middle school, when my very attractive friend (who was already a model) complained that she was ugly because of an itty, bitty little zit she got one day.
Meanwhile I sat there, a relative pizza-face, thinking: Seriously? If you are ugly, what does that make the rest of us?
You’re right, but also, they weren’t faking it. My wife is gorgeous, but every single day we’ve been together she’s announced how fat and ugly she is (she’s neither). It’s a deep mental issue and they really believe that shit. Usually it’s caused by their parents at a young age. My wife’s family is really really gross with young girls. They all start playing in make-up by the age of 2. I’ve already seen it in her poor niece, calling herself ugly… She’s 4 and already has a completely fucked up mentality about beauty and her role in society. It’s soul crushing, and I knew it was going to happen the second she was born. I fear for us having a daughter and them doing this to her enough when I’m not around that she is affected the same way. I really hope I have a son for this reason, honestly.
Um, I hate to break it to you, but sons will think the same thing about themselves and simply not mention it. Source: me
Fair point, however the family in question won’t be as ignorantly cruel to a son. They’ll probably fuck him up in some other ways, but at least not ones that cause him daily constant dread and depression.
Also I hope things get better for your mental state, I’m sure you’re far more attractive than you believe, just like my wife and the girl in OP.
Touching grass and speaking to other humans in person
Sounds like this guy smokes a lot a grass, does that count?
Damn, so it’s hopeless then?
Allof the attitude things mentioned plus a bath. Fuckers get better hygene ffs!
Everyone thinks rules 1 and 2 are:
- Be attractive
- Dont be unattractive
But really they are:
- Be a nice person
- Dont be an asshole
huh i thought they were:
- be a nice person
- take showers
Attempting to avoid triggering negative feelings (e.g. disgust) in the people around you is part of #1.
That generally requires #2, but might not depending other actions and niche situations.
You don’t need to shower if you never leave home.
You do if you don’t want a skin condition
Many people share their home with others. They would still shower to the nice.
While a daily shower is overkill, and there are other ways to deal with it, most people need some sort of bathing routine as part of basic skin care: removing accumulated dust, dirt, sebum, sweat, etc. from the skin, particularly joints/folds/crevices.
in any tropical area, daily showers are a requirement. in colder places they might be overkill, but idk
There’s also a third, unwritten rule.
- Wash your asshole
But do not confuse being a nice person with being a ‘nice guy’.
It’s really be nice to be around. If people enjoy being near you they’ll want to do it more and some will want to date you
Being emotionally balanced and secure about something at all in your life goes a long way to building a character that other people want to be around.
If these terms are meaningless to you and you don’t get it, you’re not ready for dating.
You know I am honestly not so sure. I have seen people who definitely aren’t healthy, and probably not emotionally secure who get and sometimes keep relationships. It’s a lot more complex than you think. Some part of this is because obviously people with similar issues want to be together, but I think as well that things like physical attractiveness do have a role. It’s also the case that being a nice person and being emotionally stable aren’t actually the same thing, and often don’t go together. In fact to me it seems like people who have issues are actually less judgemental. Some of the worst people are those who have never struggled with anything.
It’s like how people have this concept that they either are or aren’t worthy of love. I don’t think that’s even a valid idea to begin with as there is no universal standard for what people want in a partner. Someone either wants you or they don’t, worthiness just isn’t a large factor.
You’re looking at unbalanced relationships. As you say, there are plenty and some even keep going somehow. But they are not really what anyone should aim for, right? We can recognise we are not perfect and still aim high and try to improve. And of course we should probably be supporting our similarly imperfect partner do the same. Teamwork and all that.
The whole worthiness bullshit is self inflicted pain. I had a good friend exactly in that situation, thinking she didn’t deserve love because she had cheated in her previous relationship. Took her a few years and the support and love of her friends before she realised that’s not how things work at all. Ended up married with a gamer and a kid and opening a boardgames café together.
- Wash your ass.
- Cardio
- Get off 4chan
i met my wife on 4chan
Fake: nobody on 4 chan gets married
Gay: everyone on 4chan is a middle aged dudeYeah i blatantly lied
also it’s probably more important to not be too unattractive - people are focusing too much on the ceiling but they need to focus on the floor
I think that they just need to look like they didn’t just pick themselves off the floor, realistically.
Nah. You can’t do much about how you look, beyond basic hygene and self care.
You can easily do something about being interested in other people’s lives, and being happy for them being happy and commiserating with them when they’re sad. The bonus with this focus is it also makes you feel better about yourself in the long run.
I think there is so much you can do for how you look - skin care, hydration, diet, exercise, etc. can radically change the way a person looks - but I tend to agree that personality matters much more. My point is that most people seem to get lost trying to make themselves physically attractive, and incel culture like looksmaxxing seem to fall into that logic as well, but they miss that the bar is lower than they expect. And of course, your point is missed by this community as well - that looks are even less important overall than how you hold yourself and interact, etc. - the mental stuff is the most important. Luckily good diet, hydration, and exercise help with that too!
Good points. Agree completely.
You can’t do much about how you look, beyond basic hygene and self care.
That was exactly how I read their comment. Don’t worry about trying to reach the ceiling, focus on staying off the floor. Basic hygiene, grooming, caring about yourself.
All the blokes I’ve met that are happy in love are just gentle and respectful, especially of consent.
Turns out, and I know this is a shocker, we’re not fucking aliens we just want to be treated as equally valuable and interesting people.
If you were getting it on with aliens, you’d be especially valuable and interesting.
Those prelubed long grey fingers just do it for me mate.
A lot of women I know would love to get it on with aliens, but are stuck with humans. Mind and gentle Terrans are worth settling for I suppose…
I mean I am at least normatively a guy and I would have to consider a relationship with an alien. Could definitely be interesting. Humans are very flawed creatures and are frequently disappointing.
