A relatively recent one that I wrote down:

I was at home and suddenly realized (?) I had some guinea pigs that I took care of and they were thirsty but otherwise fine. I refilled their water bottle but noticed the nozzle was very dirty so I cleaned it. Then I put it back and one of the pigs was starting to drink. Somehow there was a lot of pressure on the bottle and its tongue was caught in the nozzle and was injured!

So I took it out and walked to the next vet, which was in a mall or something in the city center. It was a big room full of people and one of the vets was walking around, he looked a bit like Dr Jacoby from Twin Peaks. I talked to him, he told me - without even looking at the pig - that he could help me but he won’t do it because I gave a bad review last time. I stormed out, shouting at him. For some reason I walked home through a sewer system. Then I woke up.

It was around the time that game L.A. Noir first came out. I ended up getting really sick with the flu and I was having these really vivid dreams where I was a detective investigating gruesome crime scenes and questioning suspects.

Anyways, my girlfriend at the time worked a lot of odd hours and she had a late shift on one of the days I was sick. So I crawled in bed around 6 or 7 pm hoping I’d get to see her and be feeling a bit better when she got home at 11. I’m exhausted so I immediately fall asleep.

So, I end up having another detective dream where I’m going over this murder scene where this lady was butchered in her kitchen. It’s even in black and white. I’m gathering evidence, questioning the neighbors and other passers by and talking with my partner who reminded me of Robert Stack from Unsolved Mysteries.

While all this is going on I start hearing someone calling my name. Real light and slow like it’s far away. At this point I feel like I’m obsessed with the case and really closing in on a suspect. My partner and I stop to take a smoke break and go over some ideas when I hear my name called again only louder. At this point it’s been escalating louder, closer, and clearer for what seemed like an hour.

I look at my partner and he’s reacting as if he heard it. So I ask him if the stress of the case was cracking me up or if he’d heard someone calling my name too. He just kinda wryly smiles as he looks down stamping out his cigarette under his polished black leather shoe and then just sort of chuckles to himself. He says, “Yeah… I heard it… I guess we’ll have to finish the case some other time.”

I start to argue with him asking him what he means. We can’t stop now… we’re getting too close to an answer! That’s when he finally lifts his head, sort of tips his brimmed hat back, and looks me dead in the eye as he puts his hand on my shoulder. We stand there in silence for a second when we hear someone call my name again only louder and closer this time. That’s when he squeezed my shoulder and calmly yet sternly tells me “None of this matters, none of this is real… It’s time for you to wake up now.”

I instantly shot up wide awake. It felt like I was pulled back into reality, like a rope literally tanked me upright in bed. Now, I’m sitting there just heavily breathing and sweating bullets when my girlfriend walked in and asked me how I was feeling and that she’d been trying to wake me up for like 5 minutes because she’s gotten some soup and crackers ready for me to try and eat.

The whole experience was just so odd I couldn’t shake it for like a week. She’d been the one calling me but that 5 minutes in dream time felt so much longer. Also, it felt surreal how my partner seemed to have real agency and how it all felt so real.

In the end, I never ended up having another detective dream or finishing the case. It’s like the facade of the dream world was shattered in that moment and my partner was kind of saying goodbye. I don’t know why I dreamed of a good man, friend , and partner like Stanford McCallister but I still wish I could thank him for waking me up.

I somewhat recently had a pretty weird dream that I was a lust demon who helped other demons fight evil demons.

It starts off with me being back in high school but I noticed that something was off. All the girls there were very interested in me, even going as far as the try and flash me when they walked past. At the end of the day, I had to stay over because there was a book fair (or something, I don’t remember what it was). As I was getting my stuff to leave, I heard a weird voice coming from one of the classrooms. When I walked in, I saw one of my teachers talking to himself in the mirror but for some reason, he looked and sounded like Conan O’Brien.

At first I tried to pretend I didn’t notice but he saw me and explained to me that he was a pride demon who can both shape-shift and mimic voices. He then mentioned that he could sense that I was one of them and taught me how to awaken my powers. As a lust demon, along with having tentacles, my abilities were super strength and speed and an unnatural attractiveness. After that the school was attack by demons who created these magic cubes that would trap and crush the other students who were also still there.

I fought them off and escaped to the roof tops of some nearby buildings. My teacher, who still looked like Conan, came to the same roof top to tell me that the rest of the demons were dealt with. Then another demon hunter came and asked why I was there. I showed her my tentacles and she briefly seemed surprised but then went back to looking angry and looked away from me. She then said something like “You’re a lust demon? Fine.” and flew away and I woke up shortly after.

One time I had a dream that I was purposely misgendered and then spent like 4 hours just repeatedly beating the person.

It’s the only violent dream I can ever remember having so idk where it came from

Standing on the side of a road (a real road here in town) with a group, waiting for a bus, when the ground underneath us starts to rise - it’s not the ground, it’s a giant spider! And as it emerges and starts lumbering down the road we realize it is also our transportation, the bus stop was the bus.

I think that was the weirdest moment I have experienced.

I was involved in a very vicious street fight. It was incredibly violent and frantic, with blood everywhere. It was more of a free for all instead of me taking on like nine dudes. I’m not a violent person at all, so it was really distressing. Some big guy lifted me up and slammed me against a wall, so I reached out and gouged his eye with my thumb. It was awful. I could feel the shape, and it was all clammy. It was so against my regular self that I burst awake. I thought it was still going on though because I could still feel it on my thumb. Turns out my hand was in my shorts, and the clammy eyeball shape was a part of my male anatomy.

I couldn’t even begin to describe my weirdest dreams. I just sit there holding my coffee mumbling “what the fuck was that?”

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I don’t remember my dreams more than a couple of days back let alone immediately after waking up most of the time, so the most recent one I remember was 2 nights ago. I was singing Still A Friend of Mine as a duet with Maysa Leak and while singing, she was scratching away a piece of dry skin on my forehead.

When I was a kid, I had what I now believe is a nightmare but at the time I was so confused it wasn’t even scary lol.

I wake up in my bedroom (in dreamland) and I INSTANTLY know that something is wrong. I run to the apartment windows and start locking them. Then I look outside, and I see these… shark/jellyfish hybrids? Think mermaid rules, with the shark head top and jellyfish tentacles for the bottom. But they’re just slowly floating across the ground, going home to home and devouring anyone that opens their door. So I RUN to the door to make sure it’s locked, but when I get there my parents had already answered.

As my parents got eaten (very quickly mind you) I run back to my bedroom and I hide behind the door. (THE DOOR? USE THE CLOSET AT LEAST ARGHHHH) A few moments later, as I’m hiding, I start feeling an intense buzzing in my head. Slowly, I see one enter my bedroom and pan around, obviously searching for something. It’s weird little tentacles going over everything. Suddenly, it turns to face me and that shark head just breaks out in a HUGE grin.

Unfortunately, that was when I woke up. I’ll never know what happened to dream me, but I’d like to think it was quick at least.

There’s a bunch that I don’t remember, but I got bit by a spider and the bite turned into a mushroom and it grew and changed into a bunch of rainbow colors. We caught the spider and it was a clown recluse. I guess even my sleeping brain makes dumb puns.

My work was transferring me to Tajikistan to expand our operations. Tajikistan is a landlocked country and my work sells fishing equipment… Also, they had incredibly advanced technology like holographic billboards and flying cars.

It wasn’t the content of the dream, but the nature of the dream itself. Ever have a dream that seems like it’s years long? I woke up a little disoriented and feeling like I had lived another life.

Planet from the Daft Punk video with the blue aliens was going through an apocalypse. I woke up crying.

I was a penguin. I was waiting in line at the Harold Washington library in Chicago to get an autograph from Neal Stephenson. I had to keep looking over my shoulder, because there were wanted posters up everywhere with my penguin face on them, because I was being hunted for a crime I didn’t commit.