I’ve talked to a lot of people from all walks of life, and I’ve come to realize that one of the main things that sets people apart in adulthood is whether they were loved as kids. Those that were, and those that weren’t, might as well come from different planets. It’s so bad I very much go out of my way to avoid the topic.
They: Yeah I didn’t always get along with my parents.
Me: So… how often did they beat you up?
They: Oh no, they never beat me. But my mother criticized me a lot, and my dad moped, sometimes.
Me: :-|
They: I’m kinda traumatized from all this.
Me: So… where did you spend last Christmas?
They: Well, among other things, I visited my parents, of course.
Me (who has cut of all communication for many years): o_OI’d urge you to give those who experienced a different upbringing than you the compassion you feel you deserve.
It’s all relative and our traumas are relative too, to act as if you’re trauma is more than others is unfair to them and yourself if you expect people to give a shit about yours.
That’s my childhood in a meme.
I feel like the majority of people’s default response to abuse is fear and/or submission. My much older brother was like that too.
I on the other hand always had anger and survival instinct instead, and remember even as a kid planning on how to use a knife in case it was needed, and going for the neck, or how to maybe escape a machete. Even being beaten nearly to death didn’t stop me from doing what I wanted, and if anything only make my anger stronger then.
I wonder what determines how one will be? At least in my anecdotal data, it seems to be genetic. But then, why is most people’s reaction to abuse fear and/or submission? Could it be thousands of years of human history, where conquering, enslavement, and pillaging led to an increased survival rate of the quiet ones passing down this trait? I’d imagine in much more ancient times, aggression against aggressors would have been more likely to have led to death after all than complacency.
And is this why we see less and less revolutions now as well, in part? Why society has become more tolerable against oppressors and injustices?
Idk. Just random thoughts had while sleepy on a really late night.
Shit she’s going to know I’m high…
The key enter the front door, and shit’s about to get real.
every time I hear a old shitty truck engine rattle up near where I’m at, and hear the doors open and slam shut. fucking panic attack city.
Can relate.
Change that to partner when you’ve been working from home
:/
Welcome to the world of being an Indigenous Canadian teen in a non-Indigenous city in the 1990s … where you either get wrongly arrested, or you develop a sixth sense for the police
When you hear your parents and sibling arguing in the house, and quickly take your phone out and open the dialer app “just in case”
Honestly feel this… Will say for how much being a teenaged girl sucked I did learn the power of gaslighting and peer pressure which helped a lot. My dad and mom were always brawling with my sister and after it got used on me by my peers I realized since my dad was a momma’s boy I could always threaten to tell my grandma, my mom was a religious nut so I could always bring up the devil and as long as I rearranged their arguments as “you’re the crazy person” they couldn’t figure out how to say shit back and would go away. I mean…still got bullied in winterguard, but weirdly helped my home life.
(If you want to know my sister unfortunately died at 30 of natural causes, I’m practically NC with my dad and my mom found a religious cult who helped her with anger management so we’re mostly cool now + she’s no longer in the cult cause one of them claimed to curse her with a demon so worked out somehow…)
You tryina call CPS on your parents? Must be bad 💀
I guess this is only funny if you were not abused as a kid.
Ehm, I think the abuse is the joke. But the coming home part is just a stereotype (apart from drinking). The abusers I experienced become violent if slightly provoked or just randomly.
I had a roommate that asked me if I was funny or had a happy childhood.
Neither.
some of my earliest memories are lying in bed in terror waiting for the sound of my abusive fathers work truck to pull into the driveway. I got to where like a dog i could identify his specific truck as soon as it was in audible range. Sometimes I could pretend to be asleep and I might get left alone a while.
It’s many decades later, I live in a very safe place and the patriarch who rules the roost here doesn’t even raise his voice much less hit me. All the same i get a sharp spike of fear every time he pulls up in the driveway. It took me a few years of work and therapy to be able to stay downstairs and not have to flee upstairs when he got home.
It’s shameful how many people’s first bullies are the people they need to look to for safety. It really breaks you.
I had a similar reaction when I heard our garage door open when my father got home.
“save the traditional nuclear family” my ass
if i had the chance to flee home as a teenager and live somewhere else, i absolutely would have done. even if it meant living among strangers.
For me it’s the sound of the garage door opening.
This. You know your solitude is about to be broken.
