My daughter is 5 now. She’s discovered the joy of telling jokes. Unfortunately, her repertoire is painfully small. I’ve also realised most of my jokes are either not age appropriate or too situational.
What are best/worst kids jokes? Extra points for any that would make her teacher groan. Apparently she LOVES jokes. 😁
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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh
What do you call a fly with no legs? A walk
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea
shouldn’t that be a fly with no wings ?
Love the deer ones lol
Two nuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
My kiddo loved that around her age.
lmao
That does not sound very age appropriate
What’s inappropriate about a salted nut?
It’s offensive to people with hypernatremia
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypernatremia
Hypernatremia is a high concentration of sodium in the blood for people who nut often.
Symptoms include weak knees, sore arms, and a salty taste in the mouth.
I don’t get it
Nuts often are salted. A salted, assaulted.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Cause his mommy got stuck in a jam.
Yes, let’s get the kid started with dark humor.
It was either that or a washing machine.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? “Fsssssh” (only works if you say it out loud, and they know how to spell)
The start of one of my favourites, that fell completely flat.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What big brown and sticky? A big stick.
What brown and hurt if it fall on you from a tree? A piano.
Que flat confused look.
5 years olds can be a tough crowd.
Gonna jump in here so you teach your kid right:
Cue, pronounced “Q,” is the spelling for "time to go on stage or say your line " or in this case, “time to look confused.”
Qué is pronounced “K” and is basically Spanish for what, although “por qué?” is “Why?”
I know that because of the old joke about the lady crying at her husband’s coffin “Por qué, por qué?” And the coffin opened and said “Butter.” But the reference is too old.
Anyway Queue is the last one, it’s English English, pronounced “Q” and means people standing in a line, just as all the silent letters are.
There’s a few spellings I apparently have blind spot for. That is definitely one of them.
I thought queue came from French
Originally, yes.
But in present usage Americans say “line” while Brits say “queue.”
I’m not sure about other Anglophone places.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who?
You’re making a good owl!
My parents told me this was my favorite joke when I was around your daughter’s age. Apparently I used the joke non-stop and my parents still laughed every time because of how much I cracked up at my own joke.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Aww don’t cry, it’s just a joke!
Knock knock.
Who’s There?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could Yodel!
One joke that both my kids loved at that age goes as follows:
There’s this farmer who sits with his dog on a horse-drawn cart. Suddenly, the horse turns its head and says “Beautiful weather, boss!”. Obviously, the farmer is stunned. Then the dog nudges him and says: “Huh that’s funny. That horse just talked.”.
I’ll definitely be teaching this one to her. Even if only to see how badly she garbles telling it back!
I would suggest a book of jokes specifically for kids. Like this one.
It’s free on Kindle Unlimited. You don’t even have to let your daughter know that you’re getting them from a book.
Be careful you’re not getting something written by AI that is not just terrible, but completely inappropriate. A human author could also do that, but…
Funny thing about this on is that my wife actually ghost wrote it. A few of the jokes in it are my creation.
We don’t get money from the sales. We just think it’s cool that it’s out in the world.
Assuming Kindle Unlimited is a paid service, the book isn’t free.
OMG! You’re technically correct but added nothing to the conversation! Congratulations!
It helped me out
everything is free if you know where to look for it 🏴☠️
My favorite clean joke, what do call a ship on the ocean floor that twitches? A nervous wreck.
Do they not sell kids joke books in the check out line at the grocery store anymore? Used to be tons of those.
There’s no room at the ubiquitous self checkouts, and smartphones have made printed media more novelty than EDC.
Where does the King keep his armies? In his sleevies!
Why are chickens so cool?
B’caws
Knock knock
Owls
Owls whoo
Yes they do
Q: What do you call a large amphibious mammal with a huge mouth, large teeth, fat body and goes around swearing at passers-by?
A: Hippopottymouth
Is your refrigerator running? Yes? Better go catch it!
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because they didn’t have chickens back then.
What is blue but doesn’t weigh very much? Light blue
So good
