I work with a needy man, the kind of person who needs constant attention and feels threatened by silence. If I choose to read something on my phone instead of giving him attention he asks if everything’s all right. If I choose to meditate, adopting a yoga like position and closing my eyes before working he asks the same. It’s like he needs people talking to him constantly.
I am the opposite, I believe: I don’t talk about my life at work, I go there because I need a paycheck, but I’m open to learn from more knowledgeable colleagues, something he clearly is not.
What I’ve done so far: avoiding him, not looking him in the eye when he wants to talk to me, telling him that I’m working when he wants to talk to me, giving dull answers, feigning ignorance about several topics, ignoring him when I’m talking to another person and he asks what we’re talking about.
He still comes and sits next to me and tells me about his family, something I don’t care about.
I’m torn because I want to tell him to leave me alone, that I don’t care about his life, but considering the ‘offense’ this seems too much and knowing me I’d immediately regret it and feel bad about it.
Why am I like this?
Well, sometimes people just don’t ever get it and they need to be told to fuck off in very blunt words. I think that usually poisons the well and dries up further conversation, permanently. But I’m not sure if this is the case here. And that strategy possibly comes with other severe consequences. So I won’t recommend it. The mild version of it is to just be direct and honest, skipping any overly kind phrasing.
Another strategy would be to have someone else talk to him… You yourself seem to be getting nowhere. But maybe he listens to other people, or they’re somehow more gifted to get through to people like him.
What also sometimes works (depending on circumstances) are large headphones. They might be part of your work anyways, if you’re doing online-meetings in the office, or you are allowed to listen to music… Either do that and you can’t hear him anyways, or just put them on all day and say “Huh?” 200 times a day and see if he picks up on it. Though, this might not work if he’s stupid, as well. Or he might start tapping you on the shoulder and invade your privacy even more… Idk. But headphones have worked for me in various situations. Especially if they’re big and noticeable.
I’m torn because I want to tell him to leave me alone, that I don’t care about his life,
Tell them to leave you alone, that you don’t care about their life.
I’m 100% serious. Just be honest if thats the way you feel. It sets up boundaries and if they are a sane person, they’ll respect you for your honesty.
If you’re a guy, I have found treating these interactions as mindfulness exercises is helpful. If you’re a woman, he’s in love with you, I’m sorry.
Dude, even if OP is a guy, he might still be in love with him.
Yes, and all the variations thereof. But you get the idea.
Seems like you tried all the regular tricks in the book. Try telling your manager or HR and see if they can do something about it. You want to work and the company does alse but this guy clearly doesn’t.
Have you tried telling him… to leave you alone?
If you’re trying to salvage a work relationship and ‘say the right things’ I get it, but sometimes being blunt and abrupt is exactly what’s needed. Something short but courteous like ‘its always great catching up but I need to get to work’ or even more direct like ‘im sorry but I don’t have time to be doing this in the mornings and these conversations are putting me behind on my work.’ or if this isn’t a situation where you’re trying to preserve a work relationship go the abrasive route and state that you’ve tried to be kind but if he doesn’t stop talking to you you’ll be forced to go to HR. You have protections for exactly this situation if you do report to HR.
Buy a Subaru and a nice pair of Doc Martens.
“Not now, I am busy”
"Great! I need to work now, see you around!’
You don’t need to be boring - I am telling you, working woman to working woman, that is an ineffective strategy with determined guys. You need to convince him you do not have time for him in your full and interesting life.
People like him are dangerous.
For the love of God, do not directly say it to this person, speak to HR or your supervisor and tell them you are feeling harassed at work and can’t do your job.
If you say anything to the man all he’s going to conclude is that you are against him, and his paranoia will kick in, and he will make problems for you that you can’t anticipate.
Wtf. Just talk to the person first, and THEN go to HR. Why escalate immediately?
It’s in my original comment. Try reading instead of outbursting.
Offend him, who the fuck cares. Dude obviously doesn’t give a shit about your time and energy, or boundaries. He doesn’t respect you, so he deserves no respect in return.
Why am I like this?
Because different people are different. I am the same. I could not give 2 shits about my coworkers personal lives.
Us dudes are thick as bricks, put him on the backdoor by using some of these.
I’m in the middle of something, I wish you would stop interrupting me.
Dude, stop interrupting me.
No seriously, if you keep interrupting me I will have to talk to management about it.
I dont have an answer for you sorry, but i might be able to point you somewhere you might find inspiration to find your own answer
If there is a lemmy equivalent of the subreddits maliciouscompliance, pettyrevenge, prorevenge, or nuclearrevenge or you are willing to go look at the originals, theres a lot of stories that are entertaining and will be a mine of ideas
There’s something called “The Grey Rock Method” you may want to check out. This link is just from a quick search, there may be better sources out there:
This is what OP has been doing.
“Please, leave me alone.”
Nicely, no more than 2 episodes.
If additional episodes occur:
“Please, leave me alone or I’ll complain to HR.”
