This post comes up every so often, and every time either I, or someone else, reminds people that one of the Bible’s biggest stories is that of Jesus washing Mary Magdalene’s feet. Mary Magdalene was a “street walker” at the time, which is old times speak for hooker, thus making him a feet guy
He washed all the disciples feet ;)
Maybe it was like a Tarentino thing. You work with this guy for years and feet keep coming up so one day you ask him and he’s like “yeah ok, I’ve got a foot thing but it’s a personal thing” and you leave it at that but then you remember at the start of your career doing foot photos with him and you’re too embarrassed to ask but you always wonder…
No, washing feet was a common thing - they wore sandals or walked barefoot most of the time, it was a common hygiene practice. It was just a task for “submissive”-classed people - the wife would wash the husband’s feet, and so on.
Jesus was subverting social norms in multiple ways.
I know I just thought it was funny
Jesus seemed like a great dude. Shame that none of his followers pay attention to the lessons he taught.
So what you’re saying is… Jesus was a bottom.
Service sub
You gotta be careful though, because the Bible basically called every woman that is featured in it a whore. A lot of this is actually more modern translation stuff, clerics of the dark ages loved adding whore to ever female description
clerics when they see a woman:
clerics of the dark ages loved adding whore to ever female description
Holy shit they were based in 500 AD?
There’s nothing that points to Mary Magdalene being a prostitute. She’s conflated with another character who was, but they aren’t directly connected in the text.
Agreed he had an obsession with washing peoples feet. As I see it, as an evolved and enlightened human he was probably a pan sexual with a feet washing fetish
There are claims that the translation of the bible is wrong on this though.
In short, feet might mean genitalia. I really have no opinion on it, but it makes a lot of sense. The purpose of even describing the submissive act of washing feet aligns well with the old Greek teacher and pupil relationships to present Jesus as a stand up guy who will go down on anybody, men or women, regardless of their status. He took your sins and such.
The message is the same anyway, so I suppose it has been whitewashed a bit throughout the years.
The reason why I want to believe it is that it would also explain why he was so popular that contemporary writers would bother writing anything about him.
He didn’t really break it down much, did he? Basically just spent 4 minutes saying that people who study the bible don’t agree on it.
This sounds heretic as fuck so I’m gonna roll with it
After eating Thai and Mexican back to back, I do recall a snip in the new testament decrying his asshole as the gateway to hell. Never heard about him speaking poorly of tits.
My money’s on he was a boobs guy.
I don’t deny that christ was fully human only that as a human one can’t fully make such a distinction.
Boobs? Ass? Ew. He was clearly a dong man. That whole bit about parting the sea? He actually just whipped out his gigantic cock and created a bridge with it.
I thought “parting the Sea” was a euphemism for spreading some bussy?
Pretty sure that was a different guy. Both had giant dongs they could part water with, but the Red Sea was definitely Moses.
This is aphobic. Asexuals are human too.
What advice would you give to your younger self?
The Bible doesn’t say anything about Jesus’ sexuality, let alone preferences. In fact what it does say could lead you to virtually any conclusion.
First, there is zero evidence that Mary was a prostitute as mentioned elsewhere. She was just a follower of Jesus. Biblical scholar Bart Ehrman tells about a fragment of a manuscript of an apocryphal gospel that says “Jesus loved Mary and used to kiss her on the…” and that’s where the fragment is broken off. Our dirty little imaginations could come up with anything to finish that sentence but the lost part probably says something stupid like “forehead.”
There was “the diciple that Jesus loved” who is once mentioned sleeping on Jesus’ busom. The diciple isn’t identified but the disciples were supposedly all men.
When he was arrested in the Garden of Gethsemane, a naked boy was seen running away.
So, we can draw any conclusion we want. The clear answer is probably boobs because he was really into missionary stuff.
tells about a fragment of a manuscript of an apocryphal gospel that says
Aren’t those Gnostic texts and therefore not Christian cannon?
I second the boob analysis (ass myself). The whole having his feet washed and with their hair means he was probably looking down the shirt. An ass man would have them washing their own feet. Of course, it could be neither and just a foot fetish thing instead.
The last sentence got me.
Homie travelled alone with twelve guys that he loved and they truly loved him back. He never made a pass at Mary Magdalene, and when Judas sold him out he sealed Jesus’s fate with a kiss.
Jesus was definitely an ass man.
Breasts, there’s a lot of art made of Christ being breastfed.
Most carpenters I’ve ever known were more boobs men
Well there are several stories in the Bible about Jesus riding an ass, but none about Jesus riding boobs. So I think it’s safe to say Jesus was an ass man.
Granted, you’d have to find some way to harness together quite a few boobies in order for them to be able to pull anything much, since they’re not huge birds. But if you get enough of them, maybe you could fly.
Are we taking about an African or European booby?
It’s a simple matter of weight ratios.
This logic is sound. Concur.
Cock.
He was a fisher of men, after all. 😏
He was homosexual based on all his male buddies he liked to have dinner with. So, definitely an ass lover.
The both, why not?
Dick. Jesus was gay.
