I’m about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I’ve told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.
Today I witnessed a group of coworkers almost bragging how little time they took after their kids were born. I’ve heard stuff like “Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don’t take leave”.
To me it was a no brainer, I’m getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months. and for someone who hasn’t taken a day breathe in the past 3 years I think I deserve it.
I’m in the US so I know it’s a “strange” concept, but people have seemed genuinely upset, people it doesn’t affect at all. Again, it’s a state program available to almost anyone who’s worked in the past 2 years, I’ve talked to soon to be dads who scoffed at the idea and were happy to use a week of pto and that’s it.
I feel like I’m missing something.
Not assuming. I just didn’t see you express that disgust, so even the omission says something.
IMO you need a lot more passion in your response, here and IRL to colleagues. These are obviously broken people around you. You smiling and nodding and coming here to quietly discuss away from them helps perpetuate their nonsense. Alternatively, if you had a gut reaction of “Dude, what the fuck are you talking about? How are you supporting your partner if you aren’t taking that full leave? A newborn is 24/7 physical/emotional/mental gauntlet. Are you just leaving them to deal with all that, that’s horrible, man… Do better.” might have knocked some sense into them.
We break these toxic cycles by speaking to our peers with confidence and putting idiots on the spot by holding a mirror up to their childish bullshit. Sounds like you have the right position generally, I’m encouraging you to express it openly and forcefully to be a part of the change you seem to be in support of.