“Some people can’t be fixed. Just try not to be yourself when your decisions affect other people so you minimize the harm you cause them. When you have an instinct to do or say something, the correct action is probably the exact opposite.”
Apparently they hate trying to treat people with BPD (Edit: Borderline personality disorder, not bi-polar) because it’s damned near impossible and the options available are questionably effective at best.
BPD is becoming increasingly more treatable and less therapists have the opinion that you stated here. It’s just that CBT, the traditionally used approach, is not the most effective solution. It’s DBT that is effective for BPD. As the commenter below you said, mindfulness has been great for them, and that’s a core part of BPD. I don’t have BPD but my diagnosis includes “traits of BPD” on my chart and I thought therapy didn’t work for me until I went to a specifically DBT-focused skills group.
its true. as a person with cptsd (bpd) ive mainly had to resort to giving myself the therapy i need through reading, being mindful every moment of the day (i legit have conversations with myself in real time to decide-what i want to say- vs the impact it will have), and psychiatric medication. The real difficult thing is getting the said person with BPD to WANT to change, and i mean with a desperate fervor, otherwise therapy is basically a silly talk session for me where i jab at the therapist to make them say what i want them to say.
too add an analogy to this, its like building a car with Kinex building sticks, painting it over and making it look like a normal vehicle but driving it is a whole different issue. you cant change the structure under the paint, but you can slowly reinforce every bit of it until its ready to drive on the freeway.
I never made the “jab at the therapist” connection before but you’re right. A lot of the time it was like one of those dolls that talk when you pull the string and I was just pulling the string as many different ways as possible to see how many phrases it had.
Anyway, I appreciate the insight. It’s rare to even realize there’s a…problem/difference for us so hearing someone else’s voice is very valuable.
its very real. My principle (a 72 year old educator) sent me to counseling after telling me, a fifteen year old boy, “there is something wrong with you”, however when i got to counseling i passed with flying colors. I legitimately thought i was normal for the longest time.
Honesty will take us a long way. Allistic people treat honesty like a two sided blade, but if you can find somebody who will let you know when youre being shitty and you can legitimately look up too (not a fucked up attachment syndrome where they’re perfect) then itll make all the difference.
oh and medication. Find a good psych, theres no shame in it and it beats self harm lol
Thoughts are habits. You can’t always change your circumstances, but you can change the way you think about them. The more you practice healthy thought patterns, the better you develop good habits.
Based stoicism
I need to work on this one
The Dichotomy of Control
The Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time;
If you think you picked a bad partner because there’s something wrong with you because of how you were parented, actually a bad partner sought you out because they saw those vulnerabilities in you.
It’s ok to look back at a painful event and have empathy for that younger person, then you can either stay there or accept any wisdom to be learned and write the next chapter but you can’t live in both places at once.
Right, kick ass. Well, don’t want to sound like a dick or nothin’, but, ah… it says on your chart that you’re fucked up.
Pain is relative. Yes other people may have it worse than you. The worst pain you’ve felt in your life is still the worst, for you. So don’t write it off so easily.
I love this! Thank you ❤️
More generally, feelings do not care about facts. We must accept how we feel, even if those feelings don’t “make sense”. Trying to reason with feelings is a fools errand.
That doesn’t mean we can’t change how we feel. It just doesn’t happen by denying reality.
Someone, not a therapist, told me pain isn’t a competition. I don’t have to wait for my pain to be worse than the pain of the people around me before I go get help for myself.
In this case, I had physical pain I put off getting checked because it wasn’t worse than what why partner deals with daily. Turned out I needed antibiotics for a bad infection.
If you can’t stop thinking about the worst possible outcome, try imagining the opposite. A nice and comfortable situation that makes you happy. To take up space in your thoughts and orient you towards more pleasant emotions
Shitty low-quality advice tbh
Eh? How it will change the outcome?
Outcomes are rarely determined by your own thoughts about the situation.
It’s like being anxious about driving because you’re worried someone is going to hit you. As long as you’re being safe and careful, being an anxious mess isn’t going to make you any safer and it can even make things worse.
Of course I’m not trying to say “just stop being anxious!” but you have to understand that only ever thinking about the worst case scenario will hinder far more progress than it will help.
Yeah, it’s a matter of possibilities, and yeah anxiety doesn’t help. As a cybersec specialist worst case scenario always have to be taken into consideration under the premise of realistic outputs. You have always be ready for the worse, do damage control and after the possible disgrace you have new lessons learned. “Control what you can, prepare for the worst, and move forward despite the risk.”
LaW oF aTtRaCtIoN
It’s not about changing the outcome, it’s about stopping anxiety. This advice was given to me for use when feeling anxiety that is debilitating about a potential worst-case scenario which is usually unrealistic
Doing something could stop it, not doing anything will not stop anything…
Find a job as soon as possible so you can make yourself useful and you’ll feel better.
At this point I’m fully convinced therapy is about making you a cog in the machine of capitalism and not about making you feel better and more realized as a person.
I mean there’s truth in that though. It doesn’t need to be a cog in the machine, you could work for a non profit or something.
Having a job and feeling useful is in no way exclusive to capitalism.
Sure, but reducing a person’s purpose to that (and their issues to a lack of it) is.
Your misery cannot possibly be the result a structurally oppressive society, look at how well I’m doing. Now go kick your mom in the vagina and suck dick for therapy fares, and come back next week.
Fiouu!!
“If someone met your expectations would you be mad?”
“No”
“Then maybe your expectations are too high?”
Was that supposed to be ‘did not meet your expectations’, or was your therapist on something that day? Cuz I have no idea how not being mad at expectations being met means they’re too high.
I had anger issues and was mad all the time at the dumbest things. The problem was my expectations were unrealistic. By changing my expectations I’ve solved almost all of my anger issues.
A simple example is teenagers are going to break rules. By not expecting them to be perfect I don’t get angry. That doesn’t mean the behavior is acceptable and will go unaddressed. Just expect they’ll break the rules and be ready for it when they do is all.
Mine explained my emotional dysregulation patterns and helped me identify the triggers and how to address them.
By far, the most useful technique they shared with me was the TIPP skills technique, which helps me come down when I am having strong emotional reactions as a trauma response or from anxiety. Essentially:
- temperature - use cold temp to lower heart rate, warm to raise it
- intense exercise - helps manage overwhelming energy levels
- paced breathing - I’m not big on breathing but it works for some
- paired muscle relaxation - my favourite as it also interrupts thought patterns
Hope you’re able to access help though, obviously it is much better when personalized and you also get the safe space to release your fears and anxieties
you also get the safe space to release your fears and anxieties
I literally feel anxious reading this sentence. Gah.
Check out some DBT / cbt techniques on YouTube or the like, whatever is easiest to access, find some that resonate with you and make them your own / tweak them so they fit your life / vibe.
I did a DBT course, and while I hated every minute of it, a lot of it is super great and hugely helpful for coping in hard moments and a great recipe for a way of living that’s more calm and balanced. I feel like I hated the DBT course I did because the people presenting it had never even stumbled on a rock in their lives, let alone lived through a hard moment and needed any of this stuff for real, and their privilege read as saccharine condescension.
BUT! I’m never one to throw the baby out with the bath water, I believe you can turn anything to your advantage or upskill or just build knowledge, if you’re industrious enough! You take those muthafking lemons and you make champagne, fk them. Plus they just mostly showed us clips on YouTube, so lol. The DBT course I did felt more like the break room from severance, having to admit how faulty you are and how this new enlightening thing they just told you seconds ago is going to benefit your life, as they announce each section. They didn’t even give you time to process, let alone leave room for if that was something you already knew or already utilized, but, I powered through and just paid lip-service, got my upskill, moved on.
Easier path, just look up DBT on YouTube, find people explaining what you like, give it a go on a regular basis.
“When you’re fighting with someone, think of it as tug-of-war. You choose how long you hold that rope, but you can put it down, or not even pick it up. Either way, neither of you are really going anywhere until one of you chooses to walk away.”
There’s a member of my family I strongly dislike, so I had to work on not taking the bait.
A really big part of therapy is learning how to communicate what happened, what is happening, and what you are feeling.
It takes a lot of time to organize it all into words that another person would understand, and doing so helps you.
The therapist might aslo reccomend what to do going forward but 9/10 times you already know that.
Mine just said, “You’re right, but thinking about it isn’t helping.”
I countered with, “People not thinking about it is why we’re here.”
They replied with, “Yeah, probably.”
“So what do I do?”
“What can one man do?”
“That’s what I’m paying you for. What can I do?”
“🤷♂️ Maybe stop listening to Democrats.”
Fucking hate Kentucky.
Also, I filed a complaint and didn’t go back; their practice is now closed, but I don’t know if it’s just because they moved to a different location or if they genuinely had to stop practicing. Haven’t really thought about it much.
Circle of influence vs circle of concern. The answer still lies within you to be able to calibrate your mind to be able to live through a shit situation, and do what you feel able to improve it.
Wow, ok, I don’t know what I did to make you attack me with logical philosophies like this but I’m sorry, Christ.
make you attack me
Oof. Totally not an attack.
Isn’t this the point of therapy? That we can change out own world by working on how our brain perceives and processes it.
I’m not 100% certain but this looks like one of those cases where a commenter jokingly says that they feel personally attacked but mean that they agree with what was said. Playing at oversensitivity for comedic effect.
If I were a nail, my head would be sore.
If a frog had wings it wouldn’t bump its ass when it hops.
If my grandmother had wheels, she’d be a bicycle
But also I think that singling out “our world” from “the world” is problematic and a major cause of many of the societal problems that we all face
What the other guy said
👍
Haven’t really thought about it much
The system works
So does shitting in a hole in the ground.
I don’t know what I mean by this; I just let the universe guide my fingers when I’m on here.
Shitholes are illegal where I live
I’ve always wanted to visit California
Getting more involved with community movements has helped me in this respect 100x more than my therapist did.
It’s not their fault, there’s not that much they could’ve done for me anyway and they were very much on the same “were fucked this is all hopeless” boat as me.
damn
Yea
good guy therapist: gives you some good to do in the world by being shitty so you can report them
A different perspective. I like it.
Compartmentalize all the horrors of life and it’s great!
Sounds super healthy! :-D
Can I give you money now?
Exactly the same conversation somehow except the democrats part
It’s almost like the entire thing is some sort of scam to trick us into thinking that feelings of injustice is a sickness or something. Like someone somewhere would rather us just be okay with bad things happening around us to the point where they’d spend a significant amount of effort pushing pharmaceuticals and illicit substances to replace the chemicals we produce naturally when things are going well.
I know that sounds crazy, but that’s just how it seems sometimes. It’s really weird.
I mean, it’s not like they’re keeping track of people who have these disorders or anything.
LOOKS AT U.S. GOVERNMENT
I mean, why would they do that?
LOOKS AT ALCATRAZ
I’m sure it’s fine, haha
Clean your room
Already did. There was a shit-ton of cat hair under my bed.
