For me, driving. Its not that driving is difficult or i’m just not able to drive. Its that there are just too many awful drivers and pedestrians you have to care about on the road.
What comes to mind to me are two things:
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The absurdity of religion. I was raised Christian but always asked tough questions, to which people responded with the various platitudes religious people love to use. (The most popular being “God works in mysterious ways.”) I missed out on a lot of sexual experience and mistreated a lot of people because I was taught to behave in certain ways, and I regret it deeply.
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How much I was lied to or information omitted by my educators growing up, particularly on history. I read history books for fun, and have learned over time about many things that were deliberately withheld from my education, like the Tulsa Massacre and the Battle of Blair Mountain, or stories of the Black Panthers’ community building work, or the wholesale exploitation and destruction of indigenous people to make handful of people rich via the reservation system and Indian Ring.
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People are mostly dumb. Justice is largely a myth. Chaos reigns.
The amount of crime everyone around me (and I also) do is… not what I expected as a kid.
I used to think that if you wanted anything harder than alcohol you were gonna have to go to the sketchy part of town and meet with some shady guy in an alley and hope you don’t die.
Now that I’m an adult it’s bewildering to me how many people rely on weed/coke/Adderall/alcohol/etc just to get through the day. And it’s every career and job I’ve been in! Everything from a shitty kitchen job to now I’m 1 level below the C-Suite.
It’s kind of amazing that we get people to collaborate as well as they do. The downside is that we need to appeal to the lowest common denominator of self-interest.
Shower sex.
In the movies it looks so hot, but in reality, you’ve got a eyes and mouth full of soap and your freezing. 2/10
Depends on the shower set up.
One place I lived at had accessibility handles in the shower and a grippy floor, the shower head positioning and spray options kept both of us covered, and one of those heat lights that kept us both warm for the small bits that weren’t in the spray. Most other places have had issues with one person not getting enough heat to stay warm, although a special shout out to the one hotel we stayed at with multiple showerheads.
I haven’t run into the lubrication issue in showers or hot tubs, but also don’t use condoms (monogamous relationships with other forms of birth control). Hot tubs were not public and we were very good about the water maintenance.
Not too mention how slippery it is.
…in the wrong places
You start in the shower. Wash yourselves, wash each other, tease a little, then dry off, get into a clean bed and have at it. Standing sex in the shower is mediocre at best.
You are doing it wrong.
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Rinse your hair and turn up the temperature?
Im not worried about how the average pedestrian acts. Its totally the average driver.
💀
Drivers doing their best not to run over cyclists
Most Americans can’t read past an 8th-grade level, and that shocks hell out of me. When I was in 6th-grade, standardized tests pegged me at “college level”, which I figured was utter bullshit, thought I was being buttered-up somehow. Turns out it was true.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Literacy_in_the_United_States
In 2023, 28% of adults scored at or below Level 1, 29% at Level 2, and 44% at Level 3 or above.[1] Adults scoring in the lowest levels of literacy increased 9 percentage points between 2017 and 2023. In 2017, 19% of U.S. adults achieved a Level 1 or below in literacy while 48% achieved the highest levels.[2]
Anything below Level 3 is considered “partially illiterate” (see also § Definitions below).[3] Adults scoring below Level 1 can comprehend simple sentences and short paragraphs with minimal structure but will struggle with multi-step instructions or complex sentences, while those at Level 1 can locate explicitly cued information in short texts, lists, or simple digital pages with minimal distractions but will struggle with multi-page texts and complex prose.[4] In general, both groups struggle reading complex sentences, texts requiring multiple-step processing, and texts with distractions.[4]
This explains so much about all the stupid shit I see. Most Americans literally aren’t literate enough to follow a piece of literature, would struggle with any given novel.
I have a coworker who need help with basic sentences. English is her first language. I have a coworker who speaks English as a second language. Her English is flawless.
“There was a time in this country, a long time ago, when reading wasn’t just for fags and neither was writing. People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting. And I believe that time can come again!”
I used to think that movie was implausible.
Mike Judge must have psychic abilities or something because literally everything in the movie is coming true rofl.
Except that he thought the problem was not enough eugenics instead of a conspiracy to return the people to that state of ignorance
Fair enough. But the end result is the same haha.
Man Mike Judge is great. Between Common Side Effects and the KotH renewal, Judge fans are eating good.
Common Side Effects was stunning. Absolutely recommend.
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Mmm yea good point. That’s a good observation.
They don’t teach the basics of colonization in school. In school books, the Pilgrims all came over on the same boat and they were all equal. The reality is that some folks came over with a lot of money and some were indentured servants. The rich got much, much richer and their children haven’t had to work since 1600 AD
That’s one reason so many people cling to quick catchy slogans and memes, or let good looking people spoonfeed them on TV. Reading Is soooo haaaaaarrrd!
How easy and fast it is to cook good food. My mom acted like making real mashed potatoes was sooo difficult.
I saw someone comment that they ‘couldn’t cook.’ I wanted to [metaphorically] slap them.
I can’t cook. That doesn’t mean that I am not able to when given time and resources and a receipe, that means that the amount of things I can fight through in a day is limited and I need to use that budget wisely, earning money, caring for my dog and seeing to it that my house and garden don’t fall apart.
That means, I can’t cook, even when it looks like I’m just sitting there, staring into the blue. “You just have to…”, no, you just have to, and the what you have to is “shut up” and “stop using yourself as a reference for everything”.
Do you have a freezer? If not buy one.
You can make enough food for ten meals in the time it takes to prepare one meal.
I have a five quart pot and a lot of pint size containers. I’ll make a pot of stew/chili/soup and freeze portions for later use. Right now I have three choices sitting in the freezer.
Another trick is to roast an entire chicken on Sunday, and then have roast chicken as a main ingredient for the rest of the week. Chicken sandwich, chicken taco, etc.
A big salad can last two or three days in the fridge.
Cooking most foods is just: take a piece or meat or veggie. Cut it into a few pieces (or not). Put in a hot pan with some type of oil or fat. Add whatever spices/seasonings are on hand (or not). Wait 5-10 minutes. Eat. You don’t even need to be standing by it for those 5-10 minutes.
I don’t know varying expertise’s story, but I’ve noticed that the people who learned to cook as children have a much better time of it than those who didn’t. When my sister was in 5th grade and I was in 3rd we were allowed to bake cakes unsupervised.
I did get to play in the kitchen as a kid, but it all really came together for me when I started cooking from meal boxes.
Yes. You explain it as if what I have described were an intellectual problem. It is not, so the support you tried is not helpful in my case. But this is public, so, maybe for someone else.
Love me some mashes taters.
Get the right kind and they basically can’t overcook. I just put mine on the stove at 5pm and just do other stuff until I’m hungry, at which point I just drain the water, add butter, pepper and nutmeg and mash the potatos in about 5 minutes lol. We also get frozen creamed spinach in kind of a pellet form so that its easy to dose, throw some of that in the microwave and it’s actually a solid meal. Even more so when you start playing with other things to add. I like to put some cheese in the mashed potatoes as well, especially fresh Parmesan, but I also tried adding some leftover beef stock today which was delicious. Seasoning the spinach with a little bit of nutmeg and pepper also goes a long way.
Sorry, somehow I produced a wall of text there. Thanks for coming to my ted talk or something
Wholegrain mustard is also a great addition to mash. Does very well as a side to beef.
I learned a great mashed potato technique from a nurse in a care place for children:
Nuke a potato like you’re baking it. Then cut it in half, spoon it out of the skin, add butter, salt and milk and smoosh with a fork. Re-nuke a little if it gets too cooled down. Faster than boiling, and it tastes better because you don’t pour flavor-filled cooking water down the drain. Also no pot to wash!
The nurse did this for a single serving for a kid, but it’s how I make any amount of mashed potatoes now.
Oooh good point about keeping the taste bymicrowaving them instead of boiling. Not having to use a pot is also great.
Personally I dont even bother to remove the peel, my potato masher handles them just fine and I don’t mind them in my food.
I normally cut potatoes into chunks, boil 15-20 minutes (with skins on), and use a regular dining fork to smash each piece once. Then salt, and stir in almond milk. I’ve never tried microwaving first, but that would be great for potatos with thick skins that are hard to chew.
What does nuking a potato mean? Unfamiliar with the slang.
Microwaving at full power for whatever time feels right
Microwave
Success in life is 75% luck. Everything you control (dedication, tenacity, ambition, follow through, dependability) is in the first 25%. The remaining 75% is just luck that you have no control over. That doesn’t mean you can slack on that first 25%, but even if you absolutely kill it on the first 25% you can still fail in life. I say this as someone that most would consider successful. Yes I worked hard to get where I am, but lots of people work far harder and have far less. I was born in the right place, with the right talents, in the right period in time/history, and with enough of the preferred genetics. Even had everything else been equal and I was born 20 years earlier or 20 years later, I wouldn’t be nearly as successful.
It shouldn’t be like this. Its not fair its like this, but this is reality.
You need to define succes first. Depending on your definition I will either agree or disagree.
definitions are personal. If you are looking for advice find a definiton that is less about luck.
You need to define succes first. Depending on your definition I will either agree or disagree.
I using the conventional western definition here for this conversation. All of my basic needs are met, I have no worry for my future needs for probably the rest of my life if I need it to be. I am in good health. I have loving relationship. In addition to this I have extra resources that allow me to explore my interests.
definitions are personal. If you are looking for advice find a definition that is less about luck.
No amount of redefinition will help you if you have a genetic condition like Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy which can cause you to keel over dead at 27 years old. No amount of redefinition will help if you’re 8 years old in and are living in an active war zone. In those two examples, they didn’t choose their circumstances. Nothing in their power caused them to be in their situations. Nothing in their power could change their situations. I would be equally powerless in their place. There is nothing intrinsic about them that makes them responsible for their situations. Why is it that those two people have those life threatening issues and I don’t? Luck. Thats life.
Now, I get where you’re going about taking what circumstances you have, and making the best of it. Or possibly exploring the philosophical nature of existence and coming to a different conclusion on what our few decades on Earth are for and how we can all ourselves successful. I don’t think that’s a bad thing to do personally, but understand that’s a luxury that someone starving or dying from exposure likely can’t seriously entertain. Entirely ignoring the base reality, even if we don’t like it, is dangerous, and potentially callous and can lead us to indifference of the suffering of others and how they arrived there through no fault of their own.
i guess I didn’t explain well. If your success means a private jet with pilots on call 24x7 that you can afford to fly where and where you want: you need a lot more money than I can help you with.
your success says something vague about resources to explore your interests. How much resources? If you want to make prinitive pottery that is cheap and a great hobby to be interested in. many other interest are more expensive. There is a reason boat owners call them ‘a hole in the water you pour money in’ - boats are also a fine hobby but if your success includes a boat you need more resources.
i agree that health is partially luck and so there is always a luck element. there is much you can do to earn money - keeping a great job is partially luck. There is a lot you can do to keep a relationship but there is some luck on if the other person doesn’t leave you. There is a lot you can do for health but some luck as well.
i guess I didn’t explain well. If your success means a private jet with pilots on call 24x7 that you can afford to fly where and where you want: you need a lot more money than I can help you with.
your success says something vague about resources to explore your interests. How much resources?
I’m sorry, I’m not going to divulge my personal financial details on the open internet. Why does this number matter to our discussion? I appreciate if you’re trying to offer financial or life planning advice. I don’t think I’m in need, but I appreciate your concern.
I’ll say this. On this chart, I believe I am past the fourth level (Esteem) and working on number 5 (self actualization).
there is much you can do to earn money - keeping a great job is partially luck.
Getting the job initially is a whole series of lucky events sometimes decades in the making.
There is a lot you can do to keep a relationship but there is some luck on if the other person doesn’t leave you.
Not only do you have do work hard on keeping relationships (this is part of the 25% I was talking about) you have to live to enjoy it. Further, your mate has to live and there’s all kinds of things that can happen to them through no fault of their own (this is part of the 75% luck I was talking about earlier).
i agree that health is partially luck and so there is always a luck element. There is a lot you can do for health but some luck as well.
There is a tiny tiny fraction you can do to keep/improve your health vs the vast majority of the things in this world trying to kill you or make you sick/injured. I’d change the percentages on this even further: 10% in your control to 90% luck.
I don’t mean you should tell me your criteria. if your idea of success is chess world champion - many have worked 12 hour days for years at it and failed - thus much luck is needed. likewise you may be great at business without ever making CEO. However more modest goals are reached by many - chess national master is in reach of many more. Engineers don’t make near what the CEO does but many more get there.
i can never figure out relationships but those who study it tell me there are predictive measures of what they call success. (The experts don’t always agree)
I don’t mean you should tell me your criteria.
Gotcha, I wasn’t trying to put words in your mouth. My apologies for misunderstanding your question.
if your idea of success is chess world champion - many have worked 12 hour days for years at it and failed - thus much luck is needed. likewise you may be great at business without ever making CEO. However more modest goals are reached by many - chess national master is in reach of many more. Engineers don’t make near what the CEO does but many more get there.
All of those examples assume you’re starting from a reasonably high baseline of stability, mental & physical health, resources, and likely education. My point is that you can’t assume those things. Lots and lots of people aren’t even lucky enough to have that starting baseline to even start working toward any of those achievements in your examples.
That’s why I said that my particular personal goals are irrelevant, but where I’ve gotten most would look at and define it as successful, and that I recognize that so many points on that path I was lucky to have the “upside” outcome rather than the “downside” outcome which would have left me far less successful, or at worst, dead. It really doesn’t take many of the inflection points in our lives to not go our way for us to be knocked way down or knocked out entirely. I am very lucky that hasn’t been my fate.
A local YouTuber I follow said this once: “There’s no guarantee that you’ll succeed after working hard, but I guarantee that you won’t if you don’t”.
It sounds cheap and all, but it finally ingrained itself to my brain because it’s a less optimistic quote.
Success is luck, but you can even the odds by throwing my chips on the table.
Not actual gambling advice, but it’s something I heard years ago and it’s stuck with me.
there are common factors of succesful people. Working hard in some areas tends to result in more success than others.
WDYM? I can be a railroad mogul one day, or an oil baron, an automotive entrepreneur, a sugar plantation owner, or even a privateer, if I hustle hard enough, right?
Those are the only definitions of success?
I dont know about you but that’s not “succesful” to me. Or at least not what my goals are.
I know that tongue-in-cheek snark can be difficult to detect for many people, but consider the context here: I responded to somebody who said that success is 75% luck. There is no amount of hustle that would let a person become a railroad mogul, an oil baron, an automotive pioneer, a sugar plantation owner, or a privateer today. Being born into the correct historical era to become one of those things is part of that luck. And my secondary implication is mocking the idea that many of those people achieved their success by working hard, or even working at all.
About once or twice a year I have a bad day and turn into a shitty driver unwittingly. Maybe I accidentals cut someone off. Maybe I dont stop fast enough or have o slam my brakes.
Every day I drive near 1000+ people also otw to work. If the math for them remains solid the 3-6 of them every day are unwittingly having their bad day.
Try to give the benefit of doubt when you cross one of theme maybe they are perfect drivers the other 364 days of the year…
This isn’t just good advice for driving, but good advice for life. None of us really know what’s going on in each other’s lives, all you know is a vanishingly small sliver.
We all need to be nicer to each other. It’s a cold world out there, no reason to keep shoveling shit on top of someone.
That despite all the progress humanity has made, bigotry in all forms is still a major problem.
Lack of empathy is not something people grow out of, it seems like it is something that grows more severe the older people get.
I’m more empathetic now than I was 40 years ago.
People don’t become less empathetic as they get older. They were assholes already.
While that can certainly be true, I would say I’ve gained more empathy as I got older. I was never hateful, but I probably was more dismissive entering adulthood. I didn’t understand what I had when I was younger and thought everyone should be able to do what I did and just didn’t for some reason I didn’t understand. Over time I realized how wrong I was. I saw what advantages I had that led me to where I was, and how many MANY people didn’t have those same things, and that expecting them to have equal success was unrealistic and shameful on my part.
It is so easy for life to knock a human off course or keep them off course. An injury, addiction, an abusive family member, poverty, chronic illness, genetic disorder, political instability, bigotry, victim of crime, economic recession, or a natural disaster. Any one of these things and more can do it. I had little to no concept of these when I was younger. Growing up, meeting people, learning about the world, learning history made me much more open to others suffering and the desire to use what I have been lucky enough to have to help others, and recognize we, as a society, must help others. Its the only way we’ll all survive. Divided we fall.
I can say the same for myself, I just don’t see it as often as I had hoped in others.
I reflect on my past self and wish I had been a better person in my teens/early 20s. I can’t change who I was or how I behaved or thought back then but I can change the person I am now and who I aspire to be. I am also trying to foster that attitude and the skills to be empathetic in my kids.
Every single thing anyone says or does is in self-interest.
Like, I have almost never witnessed anything contrary to it.
You mean… mothers breastfeeding feeding their children? You mean men who find big rocks and throw them into water from heights to make a big splash? Do you mean people who donate their organs to other people? Do you mean the many artists, scientists, teachers, and basically everyone else that gets their ass out of bed every day to then put a smile on their face for other people, despite feeling existential despair inside because the last shred of reason for being has been invested in someone or something else, so they keep moving? Robin Williams?
I think we have very different ideas of what self-interest is. Namely, I think that you have confused the idea that one must suffer, or at least feel nothing, or it’s not altruistic enough. That one should not enjoy acts of love, kindness, caring, giving, art, exploration… or they’re secretly solipsistic. This isn’t the condemnation of the world you think it is. This feels like a projection of an internal insecurity onto the greater portion of humanity.
I think most people have been guilty of thinking this at some point. Rather than feel threatened by my words or that I’m being critical of you and only you, I would ask that you do what I did when I once thought this very thought… think on if you’re really willing to live the rest of your lived experience with this thought at the forefront. Not everyone gets this one right, but it could have consequences on your ability to actually ‘enjoy’ another human being without needing something from them to do so.
No one can look into someone else’s soul and divine their intentions. IMO it’s most likely that people’s internal states are a mixture of various emotions and intentions when they are doing a gesture like you’ve given examples of, probably not all of them coherent with one another.
It seems to me that it’s more a matter of perspective and you can choose to ascribe self-interest or choose to ascribe altruism but in both cases you are projecting, since it’s just unknowable.
I think free software is quite a nice case study if you want to discuss it in a relatively emotion free context. Organ donation has a lot of other moral “baggage” around it as an issue. These people are giving up their valuable skills and time to create something which is for the benefit of others. Contributors also get to put it on their CV and get status in an online community. Often the more self-interested people drop out quite quickly and the ones who want to support their community stick around longer.
That’s the thing, though. I don’t need to get lost in the nuance and come out of the other side as a ‘realist’ or a cynic. The cold calculation of incalculation… the idea that because we are not perfect judges, we should not judge at all, is sinister enough that it even has a meme: Letting perfect be the enemy of good.
When I do selfless acts - and I believe I have, if my act is seen as an act to my own benefit or with ulterior motive: I feel harmed and wish to withdraw. Why would I reason to live with the burden of seeing the world as so purely black and white that the only good that can come from it is beyond my recognition; because I too must be black and white or risk being an imperfect judge?
I’m not going to tell someone that their willingness to donate a kidney is anything less than altruistic just because there’s ‘emotional baggage’ or they don’t self ascribe properly… I’m simply willing to accept it as a good thing.
Just because the future is unknowable doesn’t relieve me of the burden or responsibility of making active choices that I feel make a positive difference, even if I can’t foresee the outcomes. Should the man that saved Hitler’s life from a crowd of angry people feel responsible for everything that Hitler did after the fact? Can I now cynically use that thought to help no one at all, so that I don’t run the risk of saving the next Hitler? Yet do these same cynics that claim humans only work in self interest not go on to complain that so many are passive bystanders to horrific events? It’s self defeating. I’d rather not be a bystander, because I feel a sense of duty to not be an enabler.
Finally, I don’t have a need to sanitize my discussions from all emotions. I don’t think that’s productive so long as the emotions are genuine and an honest reflection of my state of being.
A sincere thank you for your response. I hope my response is received as well as I intend.
Choosing the least emotive example is a trick from my old philosophy studies. If we were talking about moral philosophy and weakness of wills, then the example would always be an extra slice of cake as opposed to an extra bottle of whisky, or something else that could elicit a strong emotive response. The idea would be that you’d get closer to the heart of the issue if you can find a neutral example that doesn’t cloud your judgement by immediately giving you strong intuitions.
I can tell from your writing style that you are a romantic person though, which is awesome because it allows you to live which all of that colour you’re describing. I’m personally maybe a bit more detatched/analytic (or something like that), which I realise sounds depressing/boring but I don’t find it a source of negative emotions.
Ah, my friend… I wish I were so romantic as I’ve misled you to believe. Admittedly I’m only prone to fits of it. You are, of course, correct about the need to find a neutral ground that is less prone to bias and more fit for consumption. Lately, I’ve been struck by the need to feel my humanity and express it, wildly. I’m just making the mistake of believing that an honest presentation is enough to convince others that it’s a worthwhile endeavor, meanwhile being reckless in the attempt. A ‘rage against the dying of the light’, if you will allow.
I’m generally more as you self describe. I feel it would almost be too daring to say ‘a classical stoic’, not this new age stigma ridden thin veneer over cynicism with an edgy ‘I don’t give a shit’ attitude. So, apologies if you feel slightly offended at the suggestion we are alike in that way. As for depressing and boring; I don’t think that at all. Having that mental space --detached and analytic-- offers great benefits in introspection, self realization, critical thought, and enables me to safely empathize when it makes sense to do so.
I would like to think that I value your discussion on these topics more than you yet realize. I had an excellent philosophy teacher.
This is v true
Nobody gives a single shit about you.
U havin a bad day or somethin?
No they just aren’t delusional.
It’s true I give a multiple shit about you
All the adults in my life with the exception of a very few are exactly as stupid or far stupider than I thought when I was a kid.
Nobody cares. You’re homeless? Nobody cares. You just got dumped? Nobody cares. You’re sick? Nobody cares. You’re struggling? Nobody cares.
Sure you might have some friends who care in a very superficial way, but when the going gets tough, everybody leaves.
There’s just no hope, and you’re on your own.
Ain’t that the truth!
That is indeed life as an adult!
You need better friends, but I don’t want to discount your feelings sometimes it is that way, and I’m sorry for it, but there are good people out there
I never became adult
“You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.”
Tony Perkins to Billy Dee Williams in “Mahogany.” Heard that line years ago.
Tony Perkins from the Perkins System Ben Stiller on heavyweights?
Have you ever considered buying a device that connects to the internet and has a ‘search engine?’
Have You?
Buddy I was making a joke https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cfA39GPjxSE&pp=ygUZdG9ueSBwZXJraW5zIGhlYXZ5d2VpZ2h0cw%3D%3D
Also, lighten up. It’s embarrassing.
HAVE YOU???
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