im so sick of seeing reports regarding men posting in women-only communities and i cant help but get annoyed with these guys.
the rules are clearly presented. either youre not paying attention or youre just an asshole who purposefully throws their opinion in a place explicitly not wanting it.
what the fuck is wrong with you guys?
Mod notice: semi-controversial but serious question has been raised about an actual issue. Keep it civil and stay classy.
If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Or at least be tastefully funny about it.
EDIT:
Thanks for providing a great reason to leave this community.
The OP has been hostile in the comments, and in their OP, violating Rule 1, and Rule 5.
Do better.
OK, I pulled out a computer for you so I could see the rules side by side with my post because my mobile client doesn’t allow it.
Rule 1: Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here.
OP came in swinging hot, maybe a little toxic, but there are valid points behind the hot words.
However, OP has shown that they are able to accept other viewpoints from valid arguments (https://lemmy.ca/post/48960508/18080134). So I would argue this is borderline.
I have to say, I have no idea what sealioning is though.
Rule 5: This is not a support community.
It is not a place for ‘how do I?’, type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
This isn’t a “How do I”. This is an open ended attempt (with some frustration) to try to under why members of the community do certain things.
That’s my view anyway. What’s yours?
I shared my view and left the community. Was something about my comment unclear?
I didn’t see why it was a clear violation of rule 5. I was wondering why you thought it was
This is an open ended attempt (with some frustration) to try to under why members of the community do certain things.
I am fine with not commenting in women-only spaces, but that is very much not what OP is trying to do. OP is venting and using a rhetorical question they don’t seem to particularly want an answer to. Is that “requesting support?” Does that extend to emotional/moral support?
I think if the OP is complaining about not following the rules and spirit of a community when posting, it seems appropriate to point out if they are violating the rules (and spirit) of the community they post it in.
Sealioning is when someone pretends to be ‘just asking questions’ in good faith in an attempt to sow discord in a community.
Fuckin’ hate that Kareny lickspittle bullshit. 🤌🏼
“Cite sources of your claim, prove it, and spend ages providing material that I will dismiss as irrelevant!”.
The name comes from this comic:
Sparrohawcs explanation is also a pretty good one.
Cite sources of your claim, prove it, and spend ages providing material that I will dismiss as irrelevant!
That just seems like an objection whiners raise when they dislike challenges: they
- find the burden of supporting their argument coherently too taxing or
- don’t know how to resolve mutually accepted premises or
- don’t like assumptions questioned.
No one needs to answer challenges to their argument or “spend ages providing material”. By that same token, no one else needs to care about a weak, poorly defended argument.
It’s easy enough to ignore or reciprocate preposterous lines of questioning: seems like a skills issue.
As for “sowing discord”, there’s a strong philosophical tradition of doing pretty much that (ie, shamelessly, impudently breaking conformity to unchallenged conventions & assumptions) to dispel “false belief, mindlessness, folly, and conceit” in the pursuit of “mental clarity or lucidity”. They were called dogs & would even state “other dogs bite their enemies, I bite my friends to save them”. Such classical philosophers might be called trolls nowadays.
Any system that treats them as trolls is broken in my opinion.
Thanks for providing a great reason to leave this community.
It’s not an airport. You don’t need to announce your departure.
It’s not an airport. You don’t need to announce your departure.
I know.
I did it because I wanted to share my point of view, like you have done here. Both of which are admittedly pointless and time wasting endeavors.
Also, I’ve always been a bit skeptical when someone decides to leave a community because they don’t like a post and/or poster. As if they represent the totality of the sub.
It is not about the post or poster, it is about the lack of action from mods in regards to the post or poster. Which is a constant problem in this community that I have noticed, and a good reason to leave it.
I find it funny that you care so much, so thank you for that.
the rules are clearly presented
I use Voyager. Community rules are hidden unless you specifically go to that community page, open the menu, and select “sidebar”. It’s incredibly easy to miss.
If a community only wants some people posting then a quick fix is to not allow just anyone to post to it.
I think generally if somebody does this genuinely they are politely told the rules but then some feel hard done by and start whining about it.
“Why the hell can’t blacks stay out of white only spaces”
Successful woman-focused spaces incorporate men, because men are fathers of daughters; brothers of sisters; sons of mothers; and partners, friends, coworkers, mentors, and teammates of women. Men are relevant and important to addressing women’s issues.
this says more about you than the original topic
Don’t like what you see in the mirror?
purple!
not sure how tossing irrelevant info matter, but there ya go!
I know you edited your post, which still has things I think are wrong, but OP is absolutely correct based on your initial post… JS
My edit was only adding the 2nd paragraph. And no, it is not wrong and the OP is not correct
A few points:
-
It could be a mistake, but adding context without labeling it as an addition or an edit changes the view of the discourse that has already been made
-
You once again flipped the discriminatory group and the group discriminatory against which is at best a misunderstanding and at worse malicious
-
You are STILL wrong and are mansplaining. You don’t need to insert yourself into women’s discourse. You are literally the type of person women’s only spaces are built to protect against. While yes, help from those who are not discriminated against definitely help the discriminated, that help comes in listening to what they have to say and support. Your expressed viewpoint is more or less: “I am very important and you should hear what I have to say because it is helpful”. You are, intentionally or not, giving subtle hints that you are better than women and that’s why you should be allowed to force your way into their discourse. In this day and age, we call that sexism.
Maybe that’s not your intention, but boy your writing is full of red flags
You are STILL wrong and are mansplaining
Bro is defending itself and is mansplaining? I mean at this point stop throwing random words, just makes you look sexist
It could be a mistake, but adding context without labeling it as an addition or an edit changes the view of the discourse that has already been made
It wasn’t a mistake, I simply moved the paragraph from a comment deep in the thread to the top level, because it deserves to be there. Also, there’s nothing wrong with editing comments and “the discourse that has already been made” is not owed preservation, not that it was impacted in any way by my edit.
giving subtle hints that you are better than women
Go ahead and point out these “subtle hints” that I’m better than women.
In this day and age, we call that sexism.
Yeah, that’s not what sexism means.
Your comments are full of red flags of delusions, imaginary enemies, and self victimization.
You said in your edit: Men are relevant and important to addressing women’s issues.
That’s it.
And per merriam webster:
prejudice or discrimination based on sex Source: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sexism
Your statement in and itself, shows prejudice based on sex.
-
This is a false equivalency, my dude. There are definitely good reasons for people who generally face systemic discrimination (ie. Women, black people) to have separate communities from those they face discrimination from (men, white people). It’s not like they are trying to divorce themselves from society at large.
Why not have a community of people that are against this discrimination, rather than just having the targets of it? I feel like it doesn’t really help…
And anyways, pleading your cause publicly will always be better imo. Better to avoid confirmation bias and other bs
What’s wrong with you? Are you OK hun?
you posted cringe
Make it a private group. If it shows up in the general list, it’s a free and public spot.
Actually they should be using an app similar to the one in Uk to confirm age but they need one for gender.
Upload a photo which includes your face and genitals, and AI will validate your age and sex!
Your butthole print is the only acceptable ID in 2025
Lmao the thread shows all the exact problems laid bare.
You got the denial guy, you got the false equivalency guy, you got the not all men guy, just incredible they’re all here.
Blahaj certified comment
Obviously it’s blahaj again
Blahaj: discriminating minorities is forbidden, discriminating majorities is allowed
right! its like they came out of the woodwork to prove my point!
Bro you posted on a public fora you in rage bait format then doing pikachu face about it
Hold on, lemme willfully misinterpret your intent and reframe it so it’s about meeee. I’m the good one let me innnnn
Forgot one: randomly stumbled in after sorting by new guys.
I blocked womenstuff for their sake, not mine.
Thank you for doing that - such a simple and kind thing to do!
Is it though? You can’t seriously expect every lemmy user to do that for you.
No, of course I don’t expect that. But it’s a nice thing when it happens.
Are women allowed to answer this question? It’s directed at men.
Feel free, we’re not on a discriminatory community
I browse through the federated list, and see posts from all instances I haven’t blocked. Sometimes I’ll comment, and one time I got feedback it was a women only instance. I blocked that one, since it wasn’t for me. I never see community rules (they’re in the sidebar, I know), and besides, if I have to read the rules each time before commenting, I might as well give up on lemmy.
So, probably I’m not paying attention, that’s what the fuck is wrong with me.
Something about a women only space triggers people. Just look at the people replying here. They can’t seem to help themselves.
Something about a “group” only space will trigger me regardless.
“somegroup”-only communities really feels like discrimination to me
Never been to a concert I see
How do you know they’re guys? Who decides who’s a woman?
they tend to self identify in various, context specific ways. language is powerful
How do you know they’re not women trolling as men?
Isn’t gender a social construct based on self-identification (rather than your physical body) that can be fluid & vary from day to day? Isn’t a woman anyone who claims to be?
Some activists even say there is no such thing as a “male body”
A penis is not a male body part. It’s just an unusual body part for a woman.
Messages are genderless.
Are you complaining about unverifiable gender claims on here? Seems somewhat pointless & untenable.
You’re reaching.
They’ve got a super secret proprietary Testoste-meter®, of course!
Totally different from the Teste-tester® and similar knock-offs. Theirs is legit, 100% and totally bonerfide.
The rules are not clearly presented when you’re just scrolling through a generic AllPost feed. I’ve almost commented to one of these just the other day before realizing at the last second what community it was.
Also, when you’re discussing men, especially negatively, and expect men to not jump in to defend themselves, that’s a bit naive to think they’ll stay out of it. Some of those threads can get really echo chamber and dogpile feeling.
And people would be throwing a shit fit if the genders were reversed here. I’m sure there are some bitter people out there that don’t like the double standard. There seems to be a lot of overgeneralization where the bad behavior of a select few gets broadly painted onto the entire gender. This, again, has a double standard of being an acceptable thing to do, to the point that even within this thread someone is mocking others for pointing out “not all men” as a response.
Look, I’m not about to post comments myself in those places, but happening upon one recently after a previous post like this, I noticed how poorly the rule was displayed.
Each post should have a stickied mod comment at the top stating commenting is for women only. Otherwise it’s easy not to notice what community the post is in that you’re responding to, especially on mobile.
You can expect people to know the rules of any community before posting, or take the time to look, or whatever, but the only person you’re hurting is yourself for having those expectations.
If your community is public, the onus is on you (or rather, the mods of the community) to make it as clear as possible what the rules are, if they exclude people or go beyond “be civil.”
Based on the comments here and in the previous similar post I have seen, the vast, vast majority of people (presumably men) highlight how this is a problem of visibility of posts in public feeds.
It’s a tradeoff between having the community public for discoverability and accepting that many people will not check the rules and violate them, some inadvertently.
The alternative is to make the community private, and accept that women will need to discover a women-relates community by searching for “women”, which doesn’t seem incredibly unlikely.
From the sentiments I read, most people wouldn’t care at all if the community was private and wouldn’t have a desire to “invade” it. I definitely feel part of this group.
Considering that it’s in the interest of the community (apparently) to have only women, I think it’s fair to expect the (minimal) effort from future members to look for it (plus advertising it in posts etc.) on them instead of expecting the vast majority of the users (the fediverse is mostly males) to add friction and having to check the rules of every single community of every post they open (now it might be a community, more might come). Yes, community rules are important, but being realistic, if you don’t behave like an asshole you don’t need to worry about them in 99% of the times.
However, if this tradeoff is not deemed acceptable, I think there is no point complaining about people “invading” women spaces because it’s guaranteed that many people will comment without reading the rules, as I am sure the almost totality of users does all the time. Even without counting the ones who intentionally violate the rule, there is always going to be an organic amount of people who will do so inadvertently.
At this point I think the tradeoff is so clear, that discussing the topic in such a confrontational way looks more like rage-bait than anything aimed at solving the problem.
