If she says she’s on birth control but you haven’t seen it, dont believe her. If she pressures you not to use a condom, don’t consent.
Don’t marry someone before you’ve known them well for a few years. Don’t ignore red flags, such as them telling you that they see other people as pawns or them pressuring you to empty your 401k to put it into their financial/realestate schemes.
If your partner doesn’t treat you with kindness and respect right now, then they are never going to, no matter how many times they say they will if you would only just do this or be that - nothing will ever be good enough for that kind of person, period, full stop. And, no, they won’t change, no matter how much you do, and no matter how much you love them.
Do learn what “love bombing” is. Then find out if someone is grossly irresponsible with money or hiding a severe alcohol problem before you move in with them.
There are a lot of people in this world who will take advantage of your kindness and naivety, if you let them, so be mindful of how people treat you and those around them before you make commitments to them.
Not everyone is awful.
Edit to add: don’t ignore your friends or family telling you that they think your relationship is unhealthy, or that the person is mistreating you or others, or may be taking advantage of you. Even if you don’t have much respect for the person telling you this, stop and listen and reflect, because red flags don’t stand out to you when you’re wearing rosy tinted glasses.
red flags don’t stand out to you when you’re wearing rosy tinted glasses.
Nice!
Learned this the hard way.
If you are in that situation, get out.
Put your money where you spend your time. Don’t spend money on something if you won’t be using it.
You spend a lot of time sleeping, so get a nice, comfortable mattress. Spend a lot of time on your feet at work? Get durable, comfortable shoes/boots, and maybe some nice insoles so you don’t limp back to your car from pain. Spend a lot of time playing a F2P video game? Go ahead and buy that DLC or cosmetic item to make it more fun, and support the devs to keep the game going.
The list can go on, but before any non-trivial purchase, I ask myself how much time I will spend using it.
Can confirm on the shoes. Whatever else needs cut back, as long as you can afford rent and food and gas to get to work, buy good quality shoes. Not all expensive shoes are good, but good shoes are not cheap. Second hand good shoes that are your size are very very rare. Upgrading insoles can get you by for a while, but there’s nothing like good quality shoes.
I dropped 200 euros on a split ergonomic keyboard and it fixed my shoulder pain from typing excessively.
Could i ask you which keyboard did you buy? I’m thinking of taking one myself
Kinesis advantage 2. It’s weird to type on to begin with but it was worth it for me.
Thank you
I invested in an Areon chair and have zero regrets. Best decision I ever made. I work as a software engineer, and also game in my spare time. So sitting around is a lot of what I do unfortunately.
I like to measure costs in dollars per hour, similar to this. So what if that hobby item is 400 dollars. How many hundreds of hours will you get enjoying it? So like, a dollar an hour.
A movie you don’t care about seeing? 20 dollars for 2 hours. Maybe hold off.
Agreed and agreed. But an addendum regarding mattresses: No matter what the salespeople tell you, most mattresses with pocketed coil springs are pretty much the same apart from hardness, especially with a compensating mattress topper. Just get one that feels right to you, definitely don’t think that more expensive=better, mattress-wise.
More money advice: Most things come in two tiers worth purchasing: “nice” and “wow”.
“Nice” are the things experts deem good enough, or clothes-wise ones that you can see yourself actually wearing across multiple years, both durability- and appearance-wise. Affordable, and you like them. A useable placeholder, if you will.
“Wow” are the things that you’ve been steadily dreaming of for years, or ones that catch your eye even if you weren’t looking. “Buy it for life” stuff. Solid whole wood furniture, that teapot or coffee maker you’ve been dreaming of. A designer winter coat that only costs 20 times your old one. 🫣 On these you look at the price tag after; you want it, you get it, and if it breaks, you repair it. If it’s affordable, or if you find more than one of these every 1-3 years, consider yourself very lucky.
Nothing below “nice” is worth getting, and very few things between “nice” and “wow” are worth getting.
Yep, learned this the hard way.
- I ordered a 10€ “Skmei” watch from Aliexpress and it died in a year. My cousin buys ~30€ casio watches and they last at least 5 years of abuse.
- Cheap Redmi phones have half the processing power of a top end midranger and will not decently survive years of planned obsolescence. I only have a Redmi (4x from their decent times) because I got it for free from my dad. It’s a decent phone, but performance is terrible so they aren’t worth paying for from the longevity standpoint, but if you need a temporary phone they are decent.
I push people in wheelchairs for a living. I roughly walk 6-10 miles a day. My shoes are 2-3 years old, and literally falling apart.
And I’ll keep wearing them until a week AFTER they fall apart! I got duct tape!
If you can find a consignment store for used outdoor gear, many hiking shoes are strurdy.
Get low-tops unless you want knee problems down the line.
Learn to pad the insoles with foam so you can make them just for you, and easily alter them if things change.
Good shoes are important. Protect your feet, knees, and back. You’ll thank yourself for it one day.
Tape is fine if you don’t use them all the time, but at least buy some superglue and repair them correctly.
Ah, you should check out Terry Pratchett. One of his characters in his discworld series had a good theory on this
Uhh, ok, weird flex, but like… why? And you seem so proud of it too…
check where your retirement and savings are invested. buy a low cost index fund (fidelity and vanguard have great ones).
do not invest in any funds that have high fees. (there are plenty of good funds with fees around 0.1%)
I split my savings between:
- total domestic stock index
- total international stock index
- cash/money market/bonds
- a small amount in a sector fund with higher growth potential (e. g. tech) or risky investments
It’s really easy to have an alcohol problem without realizing you have an alcohol problem. This is especially true in people with certain personality or mental health conditions. Alcohol cost me a ridiculous amount of money and at least one job and nearly a couple of others. I was drinking to get out of social anxiety and have addiction issues in general, but somehow didn’t see how bad I was getting. I would take time off drinking and think I was fine, but I always went back to it. Never start that. Also, never start smoking.
Always out matching money into your 491k.
As someone who thought they couldnt afford it. I could have. Just do it. I regret not doing it sooner so much.
Removed by mod
Check out Mr FancyPants over here, investing in their 491k while us plebs invest in our 401ks
You have a 401k? I have an old lunchbox I put quarters into…
You have a lunchbox?!? Lucky you, I have to hold my quarters in my mouth and my friends all call me “Mumbles”.
From my therapist: In the absence of a crystal ball the best predictor of someone’s future behavior is their past behavior.
OMG, so good!
tldr, track record
Brush teeth 3x day, floss 2x day, checkup 2x year
It really helps later. Like life altering
Yep. Look after your teeth folks.
You only have to brush x2 daily and floss once daily for the teeth you want to keep lol
If you’re falling in love with someone who’s “perfect” you’re probably falling in love with someone who only exists in your head and not the real person. That’s a disservice to everyone involved.
I’ve heard a ‘crush’ being described as an absence of knowledge about the actual person you are fixated on. It reminds me of the story Robert Pattinson told where he took his stalker out to lunch, bitched about his life for an hour, and then never saw her again!
In my case:
If you’re falling in love with someone who’s “perfect”, you’re probably falling in love with someone who has an undiagnosed mental illness and is very good at pretending to be the person she thinks you want her to be, for a while.
She will spend the next 6 years making your life very, very miserable.
Also, if your parents were abusive, be deeply skeptical of “love at first sight”.
The most amazing connection I ever had with a partner led to the worst abuse I’ve ever experienced.
Where the fuck were you 30 years ago??? I was in 8th grade, and I was OBSESSED with (girls name redacted).
14 year old me saw wedding bells, and wild sex nights, and babies, and a house.
40 year old me knows I was just horny, and she was just putting out horny flirty vibes. I don’t even know her favorite food!
yeah same, kinda
Find someone you can share the good and the bad. Someone who won’t judge you for how things turned out. Someone who will just listen and appreciate you being there. Be that person to them as well.
It doesn’t have to be a partner. It may or may not be your parents. But find that person. And never let them go. You may not talk for years even. But always remember them.
I like everything except that last part. DO MAINTENANCE ON YOUR RELATIONSHIPS PEOPLE. Not enough people maintain relationships
Red flags in relationships are serious business and don’t go away. I wish desperately I never got married, and when someone goes to the point of deliberately running over a squirrel to upset you, you’ve really hooked up with a sociopath. If your gut says go, go before you tie your finances to that of a crazy person.
Goes to the point of WHAT?
Running over a squirrel when I told him to watch out for the squirrel running across the road.
The tip of the iceberg to be honest.
This is true. The book “why does he do that” is a fascinating look into how abusive people (mostly but not always men) operate.
Triple check your tax forms when you land a new job. I got my dream job but realized after the first tax year that they’d been deducting essentially no taxes so I had a very hefty tax bill that year. 😪
I’ve had the opposite - they marked me down as having 2 jobs (originally started as a part timer) so I was paying way more than I needed to. Only noticed when my refund went over a grand.
also if you’re married and spouse goes back to work, make sure you get the withholdings correct. otherwise it’s a hefty chunk you’ll owe April 15th
If you’re going to “chase your dreams,” it might be a good idea to first figure out whether they actually really are yours.
I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re goin’ and hook up with em later.
I’m just going to ask where they’re goin’ and hook up with em later.
This is the way.
Also research the downside first. Some “dream jobs” are marketed that way for a reason.
Now I wonder if I even have dreams… Damn
Investing even relatively small amounts of money monthly or weekly into an indexed mutual fund or similar at a young age should result in substantial growth and returns over 30 years or so.
into an indexed mutual fund or similar
Financially speaking, yes, absolutely. It’s “easy” and rather low risk. Yet… being on Lemmy I assume a lot of people reading this advice do care both about technology and privacy. Such funds often support, rationally, “winners” which right now would include e.g Meta, Microsoft, Google, etc. They could also include big banks with questionable practices, e.g HSBC, or “energy” company that basically stick to oil. This kind of companies might be at odd with what people want to support. I would thus suggest to check “how the sausage is made” by understanding which stocks are actually part of the fund.
Do not allow humans to pick your stocks. I recommend ETF index funds as opposed to Mutual funds. Mutual funds, or any fund that is controlled by humans, could morph into something else, i.e., whatever gets them the highest return. In an extreme example, you could buy a Green mutual fund only to find out later that it shifted a lot of its investments to fossil fuel companies. Index Funds pick a sector and follow it brainlessly. No broker or manager f#ckery.
Yeah, I can’t argue with that. I try to avoid funds that have significant investment in weapons manufacturers. If a person’s needs require a minimum level social and/or environmental awareness, there are tools in the Fidelity research system that show that kind of thing. This may be limited to specific stocks and not funds though. I can only speak about Fidelity since that is my only point of experience.
Maybe a company making greener solutions like electric cars could be a safer bet?
looks at tesla stock
Oh shit
If it weren’t for Musk, yeah, Tesla would be a great bet. Unfortunately, he’s made everything he touches radioactive, and a company that should be selling huge numbers are seeing sales cool because people don’t want to buy a product sold by Musk.
Removed by mod
It might be helpful to your long term financial health to find out what that is.
I’ve spent too much money on “stuff”. It’s just “stuff”. Experiences last longer.
Don’t push too hard to poop. Just try again later or take something to help it out.
OR WHAT!?
Or you get hemorrhoids to contend with the rest of your life or have a painful procedure to fix it.
Look up prolapse if you’re brave.
