I personally don’t think it matters much at all, except in channels that specifically identify that way. However, I am male, hetero, cis, so its possible I’m just clueless.
I’m a lady and haven’t had any trouble here. The only place I really notice how ridiculously male - skewed Lemmy is, is on the NSFW. That is definitely all “male gaze” stuff, with the occasional actual lesbian also posting stuff guys like. Even the posts OF men are FOR men, everything posted with some assumption only men are looking at the posts.
The other communities just aren’t so gendered, I don’t notice much whether someone seems to be one or the other, it isn’t relevant to cocktails or cooking or gardening or science fiction.
The only place I really notice how ridiculously male - skewed Lemmy is, is on the NSFW. That is definitely all “male gaze” stuff, with the occasional actual lesbian also posting stuff guys like. Even the posts OF men are FOR men, everything posted with some assumption only men are looking at the posts.
That sounds like a you problem. Everyone like to look at sexy ladies.
You misunderstand. Lots of women like to “look at sexy ladies,” but the things that turn men and women on in pornography are different (this should not be a surprise if you’ve sexually engaged with a member of the opposition sex). They’re noting that they didn’t find anything aimed at women, which is reflective of the gender demographics here.
the things that turn men and women on in pornography are different
Good point.
(this should not be a surprise if you’ve sexually engaged with a member of the opposition sex).
Don’t be a dick, Lemmy user. You made a good point. Don’t ruin it.
Not everyone is straight, I wasn’t digging at you for inexperience.
Men 🙄 /g
It matters when looking at NSFW channels.
Not for me 😈
I’m not quite grasping the context you’re asking the question, but I will say gender matters on Lemmy in the sense that I want full representation from all genders (and non-gender folk). The value of conversation here is derived from the many viewpoints that each of us bring. Without full representation, we’ll be missing valuable inside and perspective if a specific gender (or non-gender) is missing.
I’m primarily interested in the opinions of people who are not at least one of male/hetero/cis; it’s too easy for the privikeged group to delude themselves about how good they are behaving.
Transfem here, generally unless the topic being discussed is gender specific users genders aren’t relevant. Though, Lemmy has a pretty bad track record with gender relations imo, the whole women choosing the bear thing was such a shit show. The men’s lib community is good though, I’ve interacted with a couple posts there that popped up on my feed while scrolling and it actually consists of users who are empathetic and understanding and not anti-women like the reddit one turned into. It’s interesting, Lemmy has many many more male users than female, and it goes a bit further, with the ratio of transmascs to transfems being reversed. I just think it’s interesting that it’s an amab/afab split rather than a gender split. As someone in the thread trans-hatingly put it, “even the women are men here.”
Far less than on Reddit, but it still affects someone’s experiences. e.g. just bc someone does not experience something daily does not mean that it never happens, but often a person in a minority status group has no choice to ignore such, while the privileged status person can.
Not much at all.
I’m male, hetero, and cis, too. I know there will be some things I’ll never fully understand because of that.
I try to keep things gender neutral (they, y’all). I know I’ll be wrong sometimes. When I’m corrected, I apologize and make sure I don’t repeat the mistake. There will be rare occasions where that’s not good enough for someone, but I look at that as more their issue than mine. I’m being sincere, and doing the best I can.
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Beneath each woman is a man, and beneath him is a teenage boy, and beneath him is a bot. After that, it’s bots all the way down.
I just skip the in-between stages — I’m a botnet pretending to be a woman
It’s not Mike, it’s Michelle!
You can’t really generalize. It matters as much as the person you’re talking to or about thinks it matters.
If they don’t care; fine. But most people want to be properly gendered.
In most discussions here it’s not really relevant or important but it’s simple enough to use gender neutral pronouns when someone’s gender is unknown
I call everyone dude, or man, especially when I’m excited. Idc what your gender is, you’re still my dude.
Good on ya, dude. Seems inclusive to me.
Why not make a new account with a femme sounding username and see? Don’t pretend you need help with a bra or anything, just interact with lemmy while “labeled” a woman.
I have a more masculine username and a more feminine username (both seem like spins on given names, think UrArthUr and Bekky), and there is a difference in how I’m perceived, or at least how people respond to me. It’s not huge, and I’m afab irl, so I’m also not surprised- I don’t think I’ve ever been somewhere where people can freely interact and it had no effect (or at least not since I grew tits).
Do people look at the usernames before replying to a message or post?
I may do it if the username is spelled with emojis (color is really noticable when everything around it is plain text) or has a stupid take.
I’m really happy my Lemmy app (Thunder) has an option to not show display names. I only see normal usernames and none of that KOLONAK bullshit.
I couldn’t understand your last sentence, could you please explain it? /lh
There’s always a difference in how men and women are treated. It’s not always a horrible evil sexist thing, but people pick up on cues from tone and username and react to that.
Being online is nice, because the default assumption is that you’re a man, so unless you have a super femme username or are talking about something femme-coded like gardening or knitting, people tend not to treat you like a woman. “Treating you like a woman” basically means being dismissive of your experience or knowledge or tone policing (if I make a rude joke under a femme username, people downvote the hell out of it unless it’s about a very safe target- that’s how minor the difference is, to be clear). I’m also probably an egg, so my perception of not being treated like a woman as nice might be skewed.
Some time ago, I had the contrary thought of everyone being a man, so I used to think that just the way you described, everyone was a woman. I don’t know what happened to that thought, though. By the way, ::: spoiler I’m a GIRL! Guy In Real Life :::
By the way, if that’s not too much to ask, what do you mean with “skewed”? I’m a slow person 😓
Off, or not really the norm :)
Like, I said it’s nice that people think I’m a dude, but I don’t know if fully cis women think that’s nice 😅
Matters so much more than most people admit.
on lemmy world? Not terribly much. On blahaj zone? Probably a bit more.
Eh, unless you’re discussing something gender specific it generally doesn’t come up. I find it’s honestly kinda rare to refer to users you’re not addressing so pronouns never really come up
Using people’s PPs still matters. Especially if you’re talking about a user who clearly puts them in their display name. If someone with she/her pronouns is replied to by someone referring to them as him and he, that’s a dick move.
On a sidenote, does abbreviating ‘pronouns’ as ‘PNs’ not make more sense than writing ‘PPs’? For obvious reasons. 🤦♂️
Preferred Pronouns.
I see. I think it is bedtime for me 😆 . Sorry.
It is very much context dependant. People want to say it does not matter, and in our default context, it theoretically does not. There are certain contexts where use of outdated patriarchal norms of the past will garner a response. In a sense it must matter that it does not matter.
My mind is drawn to the old adage, “hate is not the opposite of love; indifference is. For to hate is to still care in common with those that love.”
If you use gender incorrectly here, or, in a broader context, act like an ass about gender you are likely to garner a reaction.
There was a post here in the last few weeks about someone on reddit that posted about a guy giving his partner an old iPod or some device like that as part of a birthday gift with other things, and getting eviscerated for the idea. Then after reversing the gender roles, under the same premise, the opposite reaction was the outcome. I don’t think we are the same demographic here, but I also imagine we might display a similar objective bias in honest and objective aggregate.
So does it matter here, IMO, we’d like to think it does not, but we are biased like any group. We are generally aware and appreciative of our diverse community members and tend to prefer gender neutrality when possible, like assuming they/them is generally good decorum and practiced here. When an anthropomorphic gender assignment is appropriate, the cool kids default female.
At least that is the lay of the land abstracted as I see it when one speaks the unspeakable.
Zero percent.
I’m pretty skeptical so, I’m not sure I’d believe everyone even if they told me.
