Comments here are ignoring we only have this guys extremely biased view of this situation and are saying “leading him on” was cruel again big assumption.
You mean we have this guy’s extremely biased view on this completely made up situation?
Maybe she quit because his reaction to her having a boyfriend creeped her out. She didn’t want to be around someone who misinterpreted what were merely friendly gestures.
I mean, look at his picture! That’d creep me out too. Grayscale, unshaven smoker looking guy.
Hike sound like 1st date PC to anyone? I mean, it depends on the definition of hike but someone I barely know dragging me to an isolated place in the woods somewhere sounds like a legit way to end up being drug through the woods with a much higher probability than the typical coffee shop date.
Also, who doesn’t have work-mances without deeper meaning? I always have beer after work bros and lunch/break dates with my coworkers but that has no meaning beyond. In fact, I’ve always had a strict rule of never shit in my own back yard. If I was so inclined as to date someone from work, I would not do so until after finding a new job.
what do you mean by “1st date PC”?
It’s tradition to bring your date a new PC on the occasion of your first date. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but it should at least boot.
Probably “Personal Choice”
politically correct in a more social the kind of thing a person should do context, like cultural norms
oh huh ok that was the only thing that made any sense but it seemed like a weird context for that term.
to answer the question I think it really depends on the person but I wouldn’t wanna go on a hike with anon, that’s for sure.
Sounds normal to me, but I think you’re right that it depends on what they mean by “hike.” Around here, a casual trail walk in an area that’s likely to have other people around would not be beyond the pale… But like a back country slog where you park on the shoulder of a secondary highway 45 minutes out of town would.
Arguably, they know each other from work, so it’s not like the guy could just bury her somewhere remote and act like nothing happened. If she tells other people about the date, police will surely come and ask him.
It’s kinda weird to wait until the last minute to ask if someone else can come along on a planned outing.
But the rest? I dunno. Looks like a pretty standard mixup.
Yeah, it could upset plans such as tickets, amounts of food brought along, seat reservations at restaurants,… so it is a bit rude to keep that to the last minute.
Handling a basic mixup gracefully is the winning.
I once had a date with someone, when I showed up I discovered she had a boyfriend. Turned out she had expected him to be asleep when I picked her up.
How did that turn out?
I was young and stupid. Halfway through the date her conscience finally made the right call.
Had a college friend that went through a similar situation. We figured she was looking for a threesome because her bf was very much like my friend.
Theres a lot to unpack here, but really OP made a mistake by asking to go hiking. Thats a terrible first date idea and also isnt inherently date-y. Likely he was just missreading her kindness as flirting, but if he had asked her to dinner or coffee brunch it would’ve made his intentions more clear to her.
Not that it really matters because its fake and gay anyways.
Why is hiking a bad first date? Its free and walking side by side makes it easier to talk casually + it makes you appear like someone who actually leaves the house.
The whole purpose of
buying the boatgoing on a hike in the first place was to get the ladies nice andtipsy top sidealone, so we can take them to a nice comfortable placebelow deck, and you know, they can’t refuse…because of the implication.Not sure if this was above posters point, but this was pointed out to me once…
As a guy who typically dates girls, you’re asking a woman to go out in the woods alone with you to a place that likely has no cell service and no way to contact anyone and is typically for the most part completely isolated from civilization.
A walk in the park is a lot better, yeah.
Maybe not for a brand new Tinder date but a hike with someone you’ve known otherwise for a while sounds fine. A hike doesn’t have to be way out in the sticks either where you need to rub sticks to light a fire. Plus I think it makes for a great filter, if she is willing to be alone with you like that, chances are she’s into you as more than just friends.
I agree, theres plenty of nice nature paths sandwiched between suburban sprawl, and they most certainly get cell service.
I think we need a new word for online dating versus dating folks you meet in your community. Maybe edating or something. I’d personally argue online dating is inherently dangerous for at least one party, regardless of circumstance, so whether its a hike in the woods or meeting at a coffee shop makes no difference.
Online dating is equivalent to blind dating essentially.
Well, I read like a hundred times that going for a coffee is an incredibly boring date idea and doing some activity you both actually enjoy is much better.
For what it’s worth, I hate the idea of a coffee / dinner date. Seems incredibly forced and like some kind of an interview. Though, I’m not dating and not interested in doing it, so I might be completely out of touch.
Coffee is a great first date if you met on a dating app. It’s a public location where you can both meet in person for the first time and chat but neither of you is forced to stay if things aren’t shaping up how you expected.
But if you already know each other then yeah, coffee isn’t much of a date.
Yeah, I guess it does makes sense if you’re meeting with a complete stranger. Personally I would still prefer something like a walk in the park but this probably just comes down to personal preference.
It’s a safety thing too. Most girls want a public place for a first date. Especially from an app. A park is romantic and nice but offers little in safety depending on the size, location and popularity of the area. So, grab a coffee first. Then suggest a walk around if you want to get a little closer. No need to stay at the coffee house but a park for a first meet can sounds like a frightening proposal for a single woman.
Ok, the park I’m imagining is definitely a safe, public space. I meant something like a city park, not a national park or something, maybe that wasn’t clear.
If children go there unattended, I think it’s probably okay. Other than all the frigging children.
My first dates generally start with coffee then turn into a walk in the park if things are going well. A coffee shop is also just a convient place to meet. But I guess that is also going to depend on city layout.
The dutchie in me got confused for a second when u said coffee shop, but hey going to get some weed together can be a fun first date if it’s your thing.
I agree, coffee dates suck. I usually do a nature walk for a 1st date because it’s free and gives us something to do.
Even if you want to do something more interesting than coffee, find something better than “let’s go together to a remote area where no one will hear you scream or find your body” or even just “you’ll be stuck the whole afternoon with no way out if it turns out you don’t like me.” If you want to do something like that, I would recommend a climbing gym or something like that instead. It’s public and it’s easy to leave, two things you should make sure to include in a first date.
Good points, I agree.
I might be boring, but I would hate a climbing gym first date. It’s public and easy to leave, but requires certain clothing, involves weird contortions and angles, and I’d get red and sweaty af. I’m not especially femme (so no makeup problems), but that’s still a recipe for self consciousness for me.
Obviously if you float it beforehand and they accept, that’s great (and they’re probably more what you’re looking for), I would just not suggest that as an extension of a coffee date. I could see it going either way from your comment, so I just wanted to note it.
Well it was just the first idea close to hiking that popped in my mind (that fit the public and easy to leave criterion). I personally wouldn’t do that since a) I’m a couch potato and b) I’m happily married (and haven’t really dated before that).
It’s also one of those self-selection things though :)
I always do nature trails and I carry pepper spray, and take a trail I know well so I can get us back to the parking lot quickly if I wanna pack it up sooner. Most trails in my area are well populated to boot.
I absolutely wouldn’t go on a remote hiking trail with a stranger. That’s just asking for a bad time.
Coffee is boring if you are boring. That’s why some people are against it.
Pretty much. Interesting people go for coffee, then something right after.
My first few dates with my now-wife was a park, then hot dogs, then another park, then back at her place.
Coffee is just the initial vibe check.
There is also an art to keeping it short. No need to sit at a table for 5 hours. After an hour you should know if you want to go do something together.
With my current partner, we met “just” for a coffee at 11:30am. We got home at 7pm after said coffee, a walk, some drinks, dinner, and having had an awesome time.
Not to say I don’t agree with you - keeping at least the initial intention short and sweet gives an easy way out in case either person isn’t enjoying the date.
In my opinion dating is basically an interview. Though for a first date i would choose some light activity so if conversation doesn’t naturally come it wouldn’t be awkward.
Was that a =3 reference??? Christ I haven’t heard that in like a decade.
I’m starting to think: it was a dumb attempt to say ‘anon, wanna become bf?’ since he’s the only other person going, but landed badly.
Or it’s fake and gay.
I’m actually in a situation somewhat like this. A girl our online group knows became somewhat fixated on me. She wants to talk all the time, fantasizes about us living together, but I know she has a long term bf. She isn’t happy with him, but still, they love together and we know him, so it’s fairly inappropriate.
If I had the time and patience, I’d offer a rebuttal green text as this one skips quite a bit of salient information. Feels over-edited. Wonder what anon did to her to make her instantly run away.
The most generous but still realistic interpretation I can come up with is that the girl is attractive, nice, and a little flirty with people. (I don’t see anything wrong with platonic flirting.) Because of these three things, she has a known history of guys, perhaps in particular more desperate guys, thinking she is interested. Her and her boyfriend talk and the boyfriend points out that this may have happened again. So she tells anon about her boyfriend. Anon gets angry. She gets upset because she feels like she is incapable of making friendships with guys without them falling for her and because it’s a pattern she leaves the job out of embarrassment.
That’s being very generous and not believing anon is stretching the truth at all.
since we have only one part of this supposedly real situation:
4channers always loose and this one did as well, how dare this woman wanting an actual friend
and of course this weirdo assumes it was totally flirtingI’d say they’re tight, not loose.
4channers always loose
counterexample: [email protected].
odd… wat happens if you look here: https://sh.itjust.works/c/wholesomegreentext
It was a (bad) joke, the actual thing I see is :
kek, I was the first person here on slrpnk.net to subscribe to that community, but would be surprised if that were also true on lemmy.world.
His coworkers allegedly agree she was flirting, so there’s that.
so he says
Some people just come across as flirty. It usually isn’t deliberate and if you mistakenly interpret it as flirting that’s fine. Just don’t get all butthurt about it when it turns out they weren’t flirting with you like OP and then it’s no harm no foul.
I’ve been there. Used to work with a girl, had a huge crush on her and I assumed she did me as well. She used to hang out, we’d get lunch every day, she would sing songs at her desk and substitute my name, flirting was obvious to me and everyone in the place assumed we were in a relationship. Until I finally had the courage to ask her out.
She was completely surprised.
Oh well, live and learn. Eventually found my wife and here we are almost 20 years later with kids. Eventually the right one will click.
fake, anon had a girl interested in him
gay, he almost had a three way
Love this community for keeping up with the 4chan spirit no matter what.
There’s always a comment under every post explaining how it’s fake and anon is gay.
Came here to say, it sounds like they wanted a third, and failing to note the possibility is one of the more immature features of the greentext.
Most people just aren’t into that
I’m sorry for most people, but at the same time, most are more aware its a thing than anon has demonstrated.
Why would you feel sorry for people not being into it?
Oh no, there’s so much more to be sorry for those people for besides just what they miss out on. I’m actually more prone to being sorry they are so vocal about it.
Someone just being into something doesn’t make me feel like they’re missing out. Not everyone likes the same things.
Again, I don’t care what they are or are not missing out on. I care what they ruin for others, intentionally or otherwise. I’m sad for the rest of us that these sad-sacks are so certain of their majority and righteousness.
2 weeks is just not that deep. seems like the woman just wants some friends. weird to bring your bf along but op shouldn’t have assumed date
Yeah, how could he have taken the hints? So presumptuous of him. She must’ve brought up her boyfriend so often and he just ignored it. /s
“I always do things by myself”
“I have a boyfriend”
So… Which is it???
4chan in a nutshell
not a damn thing gay about it. maybe you posted to the wrong thread.
Prob fake but imagine spending a lot of time trying to form a friendship with someone and in the end you find they were only trying to fuck the entire time.
Incels always be fuckzoning every “female” they meet. It’s why their celibacy is involuntary.
