Lucky for me my parents were both “I didn’t save anything for retirement, my kids will take care of me when I’m older”, so I don’t have to suffer through this.
Watched my mom work her ass off to raise me and save everything she could for retirement. She got to do some fun things, but not enough. I’m glad she had good insurance and a little money saved for when she got sick. I inherited a house with a mortgage, taxes, insurance, and repairs that are bleeding me dry and I’m pulling money out of my retirement to cover it. I’m thankful that it’s given my son a decent place to live for the last year and i hope to break even when we sell it. I’m fine with that. I didn’t earn it. I didn’t take care of her for money. If you’re only helping your family because you want money, you suck and they’re probably better off without you.
First of all, my parents have never had much if ever at all in the way of savings. Tbh not sure what’s going to happen when they aren’t going to be able to work anymore.
But I’m with you. I absolutely never understood why people ever feel like they are entitled to their parents money. Your parents earned that, not you. If my parents were never able to leave me a dime, I wouldn’t give a shit. Even if they had a million dollars. I didn’t earn that. I have no right to someone else’s money.
I would feel different in scenarios where we are talking about a minor. If a 12 year old becomes orphaned, then yes, they should 100% be entitled to their parents’ funds.
But why in the everliving fuck do people as adults feel entitled to money that is not theirs and they didn’t earn? Incredibly bizarre concept to me.
But I’m with you. I absolutely never understood why people ever feel like they are entitled to their parents money. Your parents earned that, not you.
I think the biggest implication here is that they didn’t earn it entirely. That they at least inherited something from their parents. Which would have given them a leg up and they refuse to pay it forward.
Obviously that’s not the case for everyone. For instance, my entire family was poor as far back as I am aware of. None of them had shit or got shit or were able to have a good retirement. So obviously I don’t expect anything from them.
When my grandparents passed away they left my boomer mother a fully paid off duplex…
Which she immediately reverse mortgaged to fund her retirement because she has nothing.
A house my grandmother designed, and great grandmother financed and built, where 4 generations of my family lived and literally died, will be pissed into the wind when my mother dies.
“Generation Me.”
My father was extremely open about his plans to spend it all. My in laws as well. I did get a small inheritance once, a few thousand dollars from a great grandpa that went to me because the legal battle for it outlived my mom. I hope I get sentimental things from my grandparents because that’s the remainder of my incoming inheritance
“This memorable reminds me of the cash I inherited from my grandpa”
Us child free Gen Xers on the other hand…
Same!
Haha, that was long spent before I was out of grade school.
I was sexually/otherwise abused by my mother for most of my life. When I brought it up to family, I was basically told to shut up about it/“go to therapy.” They spent thousands torturing me in troubled teen facilities, and provided me with nothing for college (which I paid for with multiple jobs and sex work.)
I will never own a house. I spent almost two years after my divorce to just be able to afford an apartment. My family has never valued me - I will not give them the comfort they denied when it is the end. My entire life has been a hell.
Ouch. I’m sorry to hear that. Wish I could offer you better help than, condolences and understanding from the other side of the internet.
My family tells me “write a book then I will read it” and I just keep thinking:
Assholes, maybe instead just listen to me when I tell my stories you want to ignore so badly.
They couldn’t even be bothered to spend thousands on me though and more than once in my life I have just been dropped off at street corners with hopes that I would disappear from their lives.It sucks. While I may not know you, I know similar pain and know it’s never easy. I hope you find comforts in the little things around you.
I was sitting in the room while my friend’s dad was having a argument with his horrible dad. The horrible dad threatened to write him out of his will, and my friend’s dad respond, “Why do you think I’d want 1/6th of fuck all anyway?”
I wouldn’t be so blunt with my mother about things, but every time she talks about inheritance I encourage her to just spend the money on herself. Anything will be spilt between 7 kids overall (3 hers, 4 my late step dad). She is holding on to an expensive ring because my very well off, money hungry sister, has basically demanded it, so I’m working behind the scenes to try get her to sell it so she can invest in making her last few years that much easier.
Lol I had this convo with my parents, I told them it’s their money and I don’t expect to get anything.
Lucky for me my parents were both “I didn’t save anything for retirement, my kids will take care of me when I’m older”
man I feel that. It’s like raising a teenager.
“don’t do that, it’ll infect your PC.”
“don’t buy from there your card info will be stolen.”
“no, Biden isn’t going to round us up into camps.”
“now we have to call and get you a new debit card.”
“please don’t buy so much junk food…why? because you have diabetes.”
please don’t buy so much junk food…why? because you have diabetes
This one hit too close to home. My mum has diabetes, dad is close to it, I can’t get them to stop eating sweets
There’s an odd mentality that you just need to dose more insulin, no big deal, when eating poorly with diabetes. Understanding is sometimes the problem.
Here’s a better way to think about it in terms of body damage over time.
Think of sugar as fuel, because it is. When you have diabetes you lack the capacity to regulate the concentration and intensity of that fuel once you ingest it. You can add other things to the mix that can and will help (insulin and various oral agents) but the efficiency and immediacy of the inherent system simply isn’t there when you have diabetes.
Think of excess sugar in the blood as a caustic fuel that slowly (speed varies by individual as well as food consumed) burns out the vasculature (blood vessels) over time.
This burn out due to excess fuel is why nerves in the feet die. Neuropathy is the official name for the numbness and tingling in toes and feet that diabetics generally, eventually, experience. The burnout is also why toe tissue dies and toes need to be amputated, along with a foot or even an entire lower leg with knee, depending. Eye tissue is another location hit particularly hard by this burn out effect from sugars.
So there’s impact over time based on how much caustic sugar fuel you pour into your own bloodstream.
Also, sugar is addictive. Like meth or heroin, people struggle with letting it go.
Theres also a ton of people, medical professionals included, that treat type two diabetes as a permanent problem with no possibility of reversing it. This leads to people focusing on the medication they need to take instead of the food they eat.
Doctors have been saying “you need to lose weight” for a very long time, decades at least. Aside from a small sliver of patients this advice is typically ignored. People want a pill for this, not to have to give up that bucket of KFC or the supersized McDonald’s French fries.
Recently, patients raise hell with healthcare workers’ bosses if weight loss is advised because it’s “mean” or is “impacting my mental health” regarding body image. So the suggestion is not made as much in general in the last 5 years.
The problem on this one isn’t often the doctors.
Now, if a patient needs surgery and is too obese for it to happen then there’s a path forward to advise weight loss without repercussions. If cholesterol is high there’s also a path forward for advising diet change, again, without repercussions. Diabetes, again, diet recommendations so you don’t fall into a coma and die, and so you can potentially keep both your feet.
All of that said, you hit diabetes phase you do have it forever, but with type 2 you can manage it by diet if you behave well, reduce weight, and maintain healthy eating. This is great, but it doesn’t mean the type 2 diabetes is gone just that it’s well managed, or “diet managed”. Another way to think of it is that it’s in remission by virtue of your good behavior but not cured. Go on a month long food bender and things can change back again.
To reverse, you need to lose weight and adjust your diet, per your doctors instructions, as soon as your doctor tells you you are pre-diabetic.
Nutrition consults typically come with the diagnosis, but people are notorious for not following up with the next specialist. Diabetic educator is a position as well. Your doctor is booked like an airport by his/her bosses and probably can’t cram that into the 15-20min time slot allowed. Referrals are made for a reason.
Two things that commonly happen to thinking on this topic. Oh, I’m prediabetic, whatever, it’s something we watch, nothing to do here, I’m safe because no insulin required. Or, I no longer need Metformin or insulin or whatever, so I must no longer be diabetic. Both are typically wrong.
Another thing that happens is hardcore denial of even having type 2 diabetes because “I don’t take insulin.”
This isn’t all people, this is simply a piece of the mess involved with diet and exercise advice in health care alongside type 2.
In keeping with the probabilities game that is the human body, here’s a fun fact. There are morbidly obese people in the 500-700lb zone who are not diabetic and still guzzling sugar like none other. Someone has to exist on the tails of the bell curve.
As always, bring your health questions to your doctors, don’t take some random dipshit on the internet seriously.
My mom just wanted to make enough to spend it over her lifetime, and that seems fair to me. She got nothing from her parents and had to support her own mom in her old age, and didn’t want to cost us anything.
I would argue that inheritance is a huge driver of inequality. I have gotten small amounts from the estate of my dad’s parents (my dad died when I was 16) and a childless relative and even those amounts jumped us ahead some, I can imagine what some huge amount unearned would do - but it’s just that. Unearned.
Middle class families passing down inheritance is not a driver of inequality.
A dozen individuals controlling 60% of the wealth in America is.
What’s the problem? One of the common complains on Lemmy is that they claim to ban inheritance, for everyone. So this would be the logical conclusion right?
Ahh yes, the genereation widely know for being obnoxiously entitled, making obnoxiously entitled memes.
Which generation and memes do you refer to?
I want my parents to enjoy what they’ve earned and to have enough money to handle expenses of aging. I’m an anti natalist but I don’t fault then for doing something that was expected by everyone at the time which was having kids, and they really did their best. I have dedicated my life to gerontology and helping the aging population. If humanity is going extinct, let’s go out with compassion.
I don’t think what’s talked about enough is kids having the talk with their parents about not being able to take care of them when they get old because you can’t afford to take of yourself and didn’t save anything for retirement. So you hope SSN will be enough for them. I know my mother always asked me if I would take care of her when she got old.
She would say that’s why she had kids. But I had to sit her down and run the math and I said it’s not about if I have the will or not it’s is it possible and the math just doesn’t workout and I have an okay job. I can only imagine what people lower down on the ladder are going through.
There are a lot of boomers that about to get a horrible wake up call and a lot of heartbreak watching our parents suffer at hands of their own making.
They will be drowning and some kids are going to jump in and get pulled under when trying to rescue them and the ones who know they don’t have to proper equipment. Stay out of the water and mourn the loss.
I’m sure there is more to it but telling you she had kids so you can take care of her sounds pretty bad - even though I know it’s not uncommon.
I have had to have this talk with my parents as well since I moved to a different country at 19. I’ve told them to prepare for me not to be able to be around all the time, and luckily they have done that. It still feels selfish after so many years and they have been great about it, so I can understand this conversation being extremely difficult when the parents expect to be taken care of.
My dad - who was an amazingly racist conspiracy theorist - gave all his money to 2 redhead women he started fucking after divorcing the woman he married after my mom died.
He chose not to leave me anything because I called him out for using the “n” word any time he talked about African Americans.
I’m out $150k
He is out having a legacy. My kids will never know his name, story, or hate.
Congratulations on being a decent person even though your role model was not. It’s hard to break that cycle.
Well, at least he fathered a decent kid, it seems. I don’t think it was his intention for you to turn out so decent, so I wouldn’t give him credit for that, but I guess he did something right despite all his efforts.
He didn’t, though.
Foster Care, then they adopted me.
No, some people just raise up to the task.
I hate this idea that parents “did something good” if they are pieces of shit but their kids turn out good. Especially if there is no evidence of it. Why people feel the need to do that is a mystery for me, like protecting the bad guy at any cost.
Oh no, I’m not saying he did good. I’m saying he failed to do bad.
Sorry you got caught in the crossfire, but you did say, out of the blue:
I guess he did something right…
Right = correct. Not necessarily “good.”
It is the “correct” thing to obey the law, but since not all laws are good laws, obeying the law isn’t always “good.”
No this reasoning is flawed and used as an excuse for bad behavior. My father justified his alcoholism to himself by pointing out how independent all the kids turned out since he was useless, or how good we were with money because we could sense a scam from a young age as he was always trying to scam/manipulate us.
You can teach someone to cross the road by explaining the dangers and process to them, or you can teach them by driving enough cars into them that they either figure it out themselves (and carry the scars forever) or die. That doesn’t make you a good teacher
*without
