Lucky for me my parents were both “I didn’t save anything for retirement, my kids will take care of me when I’m older”, so I don’t have to suffer through this.
Yeah, my parents go on regular vacations all over the world, have redone their kitchen THREE times in the last decade (along with every room of their entire 3000 sq ft house), and can’t be bothered to help me out when I encounter a major expense.
I don’t know what they think is going to happen when they are too old to take care of themselves, but I can barely afford to take care of my immediate family so there’s no way in hell I could support them too. Hope they set aside some of those fat stacks of cash for a nursing home because my retirement plan is dying poor at my workdesk (or on the street if I become too old to work).
Minor suggestion. Try dying poor at your boss’s desk. You have nutrients and minerals that can be extracted for our use, don’t be a hog.
Watched my mom work her ass off to raise me and save everything she could for retirement. She got to do some fun things, but not enough. I’m glad she had good insurance and a little money saved for when she got sick. I inherited a house with a mortgage, taxes, insurance, and repairs that are bleeding me dry and I’m pulling money out of my retirement to cover it. I’m thankful that it’s given my son a decent place to live for the last year and i hope to break even when we sell it. I’m fine with that. I didn’t earn it. I didn’t take care of her for money. If you’re only helping your family because you want money, you suck and they’re probably better off without you.
First of all, my parents have never had much if ever at all in the way of savings. Tbh not sure what’s going to happen when they aren’t going to be able to work anymore.
But I’m with you. I absolutely never understood why people ever feel like they are entitled to their parents money. Your parents earned that, not you. If my parents were never able to leave me a dime, I wouldn’t give a shit. Even if they had a million dollars. I didn’t earn that. I have no right to someone else’s money.
I would feel different in scenarios where we are talking about a minor. If a 12 year old becomes orphaned, then yes, they should 100% be entitled to their parents’ funds.
But why in the everliving fuck do people as adults feel entitled to money that is not theirs and they didn’t earn? Incredibly bizarre concept to me.
But I’m with you. I absolutely never understood why people ever feel like they are entitled to their parents money. Your parents earned that, not you.
I think the biggest implication here is that they didn’t earn it entirely. That they at least inherited something from their parents. Which would have given them a leg up and they refuse to pay it forward.
Obviously that’s not the case for everyone. For instance, my entire family was poor as far back as I am aware of. None of them had shit or got shit or were able to have a good retirement. So obviously I don’t expect anything from them.
When my grandparents passed away they left my boomer mother a fully paid off duplex…
Which she immediately reverse mortgaged to fund her retirement because she has nothing.
A house my grandmother designed, and great grandmother financed and built, where 4 generations of my family lived and literally died, will be pissed into the wind when my mother dies.
“Generation Me.”
My father was extremely open about his plans to spend it all. My in laws as well. I did get a small inheritance once, a few thousand dollars from a great grandpa that went to me because the legal battle for it outlived my mom. I hope I get sentimental things from my grandparents because that’s the remainder of my incoming inheritance
“This memorable reminds me of the cash I inherited from my grandpa”
Us child free Gen Xers on the other hand…
Same!
The people who are cool with this going “why shouldn’t my parents enjoy what they made, why would you want anything you didn’t work for?” are sort of missing the point. The real phrasing, that they probably would agree with, is “why should I support my children and future generations, my enjoyment is more important than their survival and secured future”
If you really think that you should only get what you work for, give back every Christmas or birthday present or any gift you’ve gotten or are getting in the future immediately. Turn down any bonus you get at work. Hell start paving your own roads.
Supporting others, especially family, is a good human trait, and shouldn’t be erroded.
I don’t think rejecting Christmas gifts is on par with telling your parents not to enjoy themselves because you want their money when they die.
I’m going to spend my money and wealth as I see fit. I will not raise my children to bank on me dying before they turn 60 (realistically they’re gonna have to deal with me for a long time) so they can inherit some sum of cash.
For context, I never expected any inheritance from either parent when they died. Neither did I get anything except for a pair of gloves.
I’m setting up my kids for their own success. 529 plan, lessons in work ethic and social skills. I donate often, and might leave some funds behind but real support shouldn’t have to be monetary.
I grew up in the boat of not ever expecting any type of inheritance. Then my dad remarried and it is a thing, and that discussion that makes me really uncomfortable. I am in the first camp. I don’t feel any sense of ownership or entitlement to that money.
She wants to go on a fancy trip to Bali? Good for her.
New car? Awesome.
He raised me, that was his responsibility. He did a great job and that’s all I needed.
I am sure there will be something left but I’m not hedging all of my bets on it. Work bonus stays with me, though.
I’m sorry if this is worded weirdly; my dad passed away two years ago and I am still getting used to the past tense.
They spent it on groceries then voted for an orange dipshit .
I mean I’m not crazy about inheritance anyway for some reason it gives me the jeebies.
Haha, that was long spent before I was out of grade school.
I mean, didn’t they do the exact same thing with the planet?
I was sexually/otherwise abused by my mother for most of my life. When I brought it up to family, I was basically told to shut up about it/“go to therapy.” They spent thousands torturing me in troubled teen facilities, and provided me with nothing for college (which I paid for with multiple jobs and sex work.)
I will never own a house. I spent almost two years after my divorce to just be able to afford an apartment. My family has never valued me - I will not give them the comfort they denied when it is the end. My entire life has been a hell.
Ouch. I’m sorry to hear that. Wish I could offer you better help than, condolences and understanding from the other side of the internet.
My family tells me “write a book then I will read it” and I just keep thinking:
Assholes, maybe instead just listen to me when I tell my stories you want to ignore so badly.
They couldn’t even be bothered to spend thousands on me though and more than once in my life I have just been dropped off at street corners with hopes that I would disappear from their lives.It sucks. While I may not know you, I know similar pain and know it’s never easy. I hope you find comforts in the little things around you.
You could tell them instead of writing it to us
I was sitting in the room while my friend’s dad was having a argument with his horrible dad. The horrible dad threatened to write him out of his will, and my friend’s dad respond, “Why do you think I’d want 1/6th of fuck all anyway?”
I wouldn’t be so blunt with my mother about things, but every time she talks about inheritance I encourage her to just spend the money on herself. Anything will be spilt between 7 kids overall (3 hers, 4 my late step dad). She is holding on to an expensive ring because my very well off, money hungry sister, has basically demanded it, so I’m working behind the scenes to try get her to sell it so she can invest in making her last few years that much easier.
Lol I had this convo with my parents, I told them it’s their money and I don’t expect to get anything.
I will get stuff because that’s what my parents own. They don’t have large amounts of liquid cash but my dad owns his house and my mom owns lots of antique furniture (passed down from her family) and jewelry (she has a problem with buying shiny gold and silver pieces). But there’s also 8 of us kids so the likelihood is that we each won’t get much in the way of any real inheritance even from what they do have.
It’s easier for most everyone involved to just let them live out their lives using what they have earned along the way. So I told my parents pretty much the same thing. Take care of yourselves. We’ll be alright.
Same, we will sell the house and other assets but it won’t be life changing.
Lucky for me my parents were both “I didn’t save anything for retirement, my kids will take care of me when I’m older”
man I feel that. It’s like raising a teenager.
“don’t do that, it’ll infect your PC.”
“don’t buy from there your card info will be stolen.”
“no, Biden isn’t going to round us up into camps.”
“now we have to call and get you a new debit card.”
“please don’t buy so much junk food…why? because you have diabetes.”
please don’t buy so much junk food…why? because you have diabetes
This one hit too close to home. My mum has diabetes, dad is close to it, I can’t get them to stop eating sweets
There’s an odd mentality that you just need to dose more insulin, no big deal, when eating poorly with diabetes. Understanding is sometimes the problem.
Here’s a better way to think about it in terms of body damage over time.
Think of sugar as fuel, because it is. When you have diabetes you lack the capacity to regulate the concentration and intensity of that fuel once you ingest it. You can add other things to the mix that can and will help (insulin and various oral agents) but the efficiency and immediacy of the inherent system simply isn’t there when you have diabetes.
Think of excess sugar in the blood as a caustic fuel that slowly (speed varies by individual as well as food consumed) burns out the vasculature (blood vessels) over time.
This burn out due to excess fuel is why nerves in the feet die. Neuropathy is the official name for the numbness and tingling in toes and feet that diabetics generally, eventually, experience. The burnout is also why toe tissue dies and toes need to be amputated, along with a foot or even an entire lower leg with knee, depending. Eye tissue is another location hit particularly hard by this burn out effect from sugars.
So there’s impact over time based on how much caustic sugar fuel you pour into your own bloodstream.
Also, sugar is addictive. Like meth or heroin, people struggle with letting it go.
Very well put, thank you!
Also, sugar is addictive. Like meth or heroin, people struggle with letting it go.
Don’t I know it
Theres also a ton of people, medical professionals included, that treat type two diabetes as a permanent problem with no possibility of reversing it. This leads to people focusing on the medication they need to take instead of the food they eat.
Doctors have been saying “you need to lose weight” for a very long time, decades at least. Aside from a small sliver of patients this advice is typically ignored. People want a pill for this, not to have to give up that bucket of KFC or the supersized McDonald’s French fries.
Recently, patients raise hell with healthcare workers’ bosses if weight loss is advised because it’s “mean” or is “impacting my mental health” regarding body image. So the suggestion is not made as much in general in the last 5 years.
The problem on this one isn’t often the doctors.
Now, if a patient needs surgery and is too obese for it to happen then there’s a path forward to advise weight loss without repercussions. If cholesterol is high there’s also a path forward for advising diet change, again, without repercussions. Diabetes, again, diet recommendations so you don’t fall into a coma and die, and so you can potentially keep both your feet.
All of that said, you hit diabetes phase you do have it forever, but with type 2 you can manage it by diet if you behave well, reduce weight, and maintain healthy eating. This is great, but it doesn’t mean the type 2 diabetes is gone just that it’s well managed, or “diet managed”. Another way to think of it is that it’s in remission by virtue of your good behavior but not cured. Go on a month long food bender and things can change back again.
To reverse, you need to lose weight and adjust your diet, per your doctors instructions, as soon as your doctor tells you you are pre-diabetic.
Nutrition consults typically come with the diagnosis, but people are notorious for not following up with the next specialist. Diabetic educator is a position as well. Your doctor is booked like an airport by his/her bosses and probably can’t cram that into the 15-20min time slot allowed. Referrals are made for a reason.
Two things that commonly happen to thinking on this topic. Oh, I’m prediabetic, whatever, it’s something we watch, nothing to do here, I’m safe because no insulin required. Or, I no longer need Metformin or insulin or whatever, so I must no longer be diabetic. Both are typically wrong.
Another thing that happens is hardcore denial of even having type 2 diabetes because “I don’t take insulin.”
This isn’t all people, this is simply a piece of the mess involved with diet and exercise advice in health care alongside type 2.
In keeping with the probabilities game that is the human body, here’s a fun fact. There are morbidly obese people in the 500-700lb zone who are not diabetic and still guzzling sugar like none other. Someone has to exist on the tails of the bell curve.
As always, bring your health questions to your doctors, don’t take some random dipshit on the internet seriously.
My wife reads click bait articles all the time, and thinks diabetes can be cured. And is always quick to tell me that if i did this fad diet, or ate that diabetes curing food I would be right as rain.
Thanks to Ozempic I’ve had it under control for 3 years. And it’s not easy, the Ozempic benefits go away after a while. So you need to make the most out of the weight loss. Unfortunately, I went undiagnosed for too long and the nerve damage has been done and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I knew 20 years ago that I was on an express train to diabetes town, but depression and anxiety caused by yet another undiagnosed condition made me not care.
“We aren’t gonna give you any inheritance”
“I’m not gonna give 2 fcks about you when you become too old to care for yourselves”
I’m not saying that my family’s like this but sounds fair to me…
My mom just wanted to make enough to spend it over her lifetime, and that seems fair to me. She got nothing from her parents and had to support her own mom in her old age, and didn’t want to cost us anything.
I would argue that inheritance is a huge driver of inequality. I have gotten small amounts from the estate of my dad’s parents (my dad died when I was 16) and a childless relative and even those amounts jumped us ahead some, I can imagine what some huge amount unearned would do - but it’s just that. Unearned.
Middle class families passing down inheritance is not a driver of inequality.
A dozen individuals controlling 60% of the wealth in America is.
Yeah but how did they get it, and who will get it when they die? It’s like a feedback loop.
Which is the big unspoken thing here: the only reason millennials/ Gen Z would even care about ‘inheritance’ is because everything has gone so fucking far to shit that it seems the only way to claw out of the hole they’re being shoved into. It’s turned into a lottery wish.
They can both be drivers of inequality, but the billionaire bullshit is by far the greater kick in the nuts.
Inheritance is still inequality in that those receiving it did nothing to deserve it.
Considering that rich boomer parents are almost exclusively fucking terrible, I’d say having to grow up with them makes it more palatable. They may get some money, but they never got love.
