Like, why is it so widespread, what causes it, what solutions are available, etc. I don’t really know how to ask this question so I hope I’m making sense
Toxic gender norms hurt everyone.
I think this is exacerbated by certain people online who want to capitalize on the issue and scapegoat others (see the manosphere and how they talk about feminism) instead of actually addressing the problem
Edit: a little plug for https://lemmy.ca/c/mensliberation
Could not agree more feminism is just human rights by another name and human rights is not achieved by anyone till every gender , race , sexual orientation, religion or lack of, ability or disability are equal.
You dont have to agree even. That’s just the definition of feminism.
That word is egalitarianism. Ftfy.
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/egalitarianism
Feminism is egalitarianism just as Black Lives Matter is egalitarianism.
Both recognize disparities for a specific marginalized group, and work to establish egalitarianism.
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Btw, It’s a lot more pronounced here on the internet. Since it’s a filter bubble. If you dive into the real world, you’ll find a lot of males also have healthy lives, a lot of hobbies, they’re going out with friends, playing football once a week etc. I mean it’s certainly there, and a big issue in society. All I want to say is, don’t just look at some social media and draw conclusions from that. The perspective here is heavily skewed and making it look more desperate than it is.
I think there is a lot of wisdom here. I’m old, many of my meaningful relationships were formed before three was an internet. Now I use online tools to stay in touch with friends who are friends I have interacted with face-to-face, not people know solely online.
That’s not to say meaningful relationships cannot be owned online. I have met a number of people IRL who I originally met playing Football Manager or on XBox Live.
But online relationships are not a substitute for real face-to-face interactions.
I tell people that making friends needs to be intentional. It takes work and commitment.
I’m not sure how useful the term “male loneliness” is. There’s a crisis of loneliness in every sex and gender, it’s a side effect of capitalism.
EDIT: spelling error.
Capitalism is responsible for loneliness now??
No, loneliness is a side effect of being human. You think there aren’t lonely people living under socialism? Under communism? Or any other types of governments and socioeconomic systems?
For fuck’s sake. When people blame everything on capitalism, it dilutes the water of any real argument you may eventually have.
Capitalism absolutely contributes to the loneliness crisis. Firstly, it creates a culture of individualism, making it all about “every person for themselves” rather than fostering a sense of community or collective well-being. Stable, long-term jobs that used to provide social connections are being replaced by gig work and precarious employment, leaving people isolated and too burned out to build meaningful relationships outside work.
On top of that, capitalism pushes this idea that happiness comes from products instead of building connections. Social experiences are even commodified now—like dating apps and paid meetups—so relationships feel more like transactions. Cities, designed for profit, don’t help either. You’ve got people crammed into apartments, commuting for hours, all in their individual cars or with their headphones on, and barely interacting with their neighbours. Public spaces that encourage connection are underfunded or replaced with malls and shopping centres.
And then there’s the way capitalism shapes cultural perception of mental health. Capitalism treats loneliness and isolation as individual problems, with solutions like therapy apps and self-help books (ie. profitable industries) rather than addressing the systemic issues that cause them. Even social media, which could foster connection, is driven by algorithms that push engagement over genuine interaction, leaving people feeling more disconnected after hours of scrolling.
At the end of the day, capitalism is profit over people. It’s no surprise that in a world focused on production, consumption, and competition, we’re all feeling so alone. The link between capitalism and alienation is well studied in social science.
Except for the fact that loneliness has existed long before capitalism and will continue to do so after its disbandment 🤦
Capitalism exacerbates a lot of problems. You should try learning how and why rather than just going “nah those problems existed before” (Completely ignoring that they are far worse now than they were before, so fucking obviously something changed)
Lmao of course you’d say they were worse before😂 even though feudalism was probably the most oppressive system we had as a society. Loneliness rates would’ve been through the roof. Sounds like you’re the one who needs to learn a little bit more
I don’t know how to reapond other than to say that just like, isn’t correct
Ok. Enjoy your capitalism-hate circlejerk then👍
Our western culture of individualism is older than capitalism. Much older. It stems from our agricultural and pastoral modes of production. Grains like wheat as well as livestock like sheep, goats, and cattle are highly amenable to work by an individual farmer or shepherd or rancher. Wheat is sown in ploughed fields that have been worked by oxen or horses.
Compare with a different grain like rice which must be transplanted into flooded fields by large groups of people or crops like potatoes or yams which must be planted and dug up individually by mass labour.
The structure of individualism or collectivism is in the roots of our cultures going back thousands of years. So rather than capitalism giving rise to individualism I think the opposite is the case.
You can only think that way if you stop at the most superifical point of discussion and perception.
One way capitalism increases loneliness is with the job economy. We work too much, to blindly increase “profits” for someone who doesn’t care about us. We are restless and tired when we get home, going out costs too much (because of the same corporations pushing the economy and legislation that makes life always the more expensive) so we don’t go out the same.
Obviously capitalism is but one of the factors of modern loneliness, but it is heavily intertwined with a political will of weakening our resolve and hope and companionship.
When things go a certain way, you need only follow who benefits the most from it, and you will almost surely find the cause for that ill
Rofl! Yeah… I’m done.
Without a single coherent thought expressed!
And ad hominem is?
Used too much brain for a day?
Not at all! I am just able to recognize a futile argument against ignorance before it happens. And as a rule, I don’t exercise futility. It’s a thing that comes with age.
I explained my point, you ignored it as an “excersize in futility”, you’re just lazy and don’t want to actually read beyond the first lines
You’re absolutely right that I ignored it. Because it’s an absurd take and therefore I dismissed it.
I’ve said it already- but I guess it did’t sink in:
Loneliness is a part of being human and exists within ALL cultures, races, governments, wealth brackets, employment statuses, genders, and ages.
End of story.
You have to admit the “leftist” ideologies tend to be about working together and supporting each other, and the “right wing” ideologies about encouraging individual accomplishments, though?
Commodification of human interaction, enshitification of social spaces, environmental degradation. Stagnant wage growth vs record profits and increasing cost of living. Yeah that’s the profit motive at work. The unwillingness of most to see it, that’s the propaganda in service of the profit motive.
Ahhh yes the default answer to the cause of all struggles of life: Capitalism
Because it, at the very least, contributes to them.
You’re absolutely delusional if you think the system around which we structure our lives doesn’t affect us.
It may contribute a little, but last time i checked, poor social skills and anxiety weren’t caused by capitalism
Why are you saying this in jest? Late-stage capitalism is a civilization ending event, like an aggressive cancer upon our collective reality. It will consume everything we have to give it and demand more in the pursuit of infinite growth.
Sex researchers Baumeister and Tice wrote about sexual economics.
“A heterosexual community can be analyzed as a marketplace in which men seek to acquire sex from women by offering other resources in exchange.”
From an evolutionary standpoint it makes sense that women wouldn’t want a partner that can’t provide security for the couple when the woman would be vulnerable if pregnant/nursing.
Young men in particular have fewer resources of value to offer than at any time in most people’s lives. To that point, it’s not like young women are dating any better, so even if they are willing to be the sole provider, most are unable to do so.
With the traditional partnership which historically provided companionship out of the question, men are left yearning for female companionship.
Another point the researchers make, is that men will always yearn, while women have a generally easier time abstaining until conditions are right.
I don’t even think it’s an exclusively male thing. It’s just getting harder and harder to meet people and mingle. Men are just feeling it harder and sooner.
It’s harder to meet people now. I think part of it is:
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That people used to be bored. You would make entertainment where you could find it, and two bored people can rapidly get entertained. Now you have a phone that makes you not bored, and de-incentivizes face to face interaction.
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There used to be more places where people interacted. Masons, elk lodge, unions, they would often serve alcohol at events, for dirt cheap. They were known as third places, somewhere other than work and home. One thing I hear from a lot of smokers is that the smoking areas are where people hang out to talk, and they do. It’s where conversations happen at a club. It gives you something to do when you’re not talking, a reason to stand somewhere close to people, and a perfect excuse to jump into a conversation. It’s kinda infuriating that it also shaves two minutes off your life -_-.
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People have less time. Younger generations are working multiple jobs, gigs with unpredictable hours, often times having commutes of an hour which turns a 9 to 5 into an 8 to 6, and spending all their vacation hours on the shit that has to be done on a weekday like the DMV or the like. How are you supposed to make a friend when schedules differ so much that a spreadsheet is required to make it work?
IDK; my partner has met ppl that have become very close friends at their workplace. I’ve become more and more isolated as I’ve worked as an adult, to the point where I have zero close friends.
I hope to fix that this year though; I’ll be trying to get my handgun and rifle instructor cert so I can work with the Pink Pistols and Operation Blazing Sword, and connect with my local SRA chapter. E.g., try to do something good in my community, and also meet people.
Male culture also tends to avoid building real relationships and hiding their feelings, and depending on how they look people are scared to be around them. Effort needs to be taken for most men to unlearn toxic traits of the past, which it seems like younger kids today are getting better at avoiding, but there’s definitely a handicap for most men here.
What happens to a man when he shares his feelings? Has that ever gone well for any male since the evolution of meiosis?
This is part of man culture that we men need to change one step at a time. Instead we bully each other over it.
No we don’t. That’s a feminist lie. The women whose political power depends on maintaining a perpetual state of victimhood by blaming every single thing on men would have you believe that.
Men will have conversations like this:
“Tiffany left me.”
…
“Really?”
…
swig of beer
…
“Yeah. Said I’m not ‘available enough.’”
…
swig of beer
…
“Shit dude.”
…
“Yeah.”
Enough information is shared for one man to put himself in the other’s shoes, think about what he went through, and arrive at the same place for himself. That need women have to put their feelings into words to yap at each other is just a symptom of their abject inability to empathize with their fellow sentient beings.
You know what doesn’t occur to men to share with other men? “Breaking news, this just in from our correspondants in the field: Nothing continues to happen.” In fact I’m going to go post that to the Dull Men’s Club community and see what comments that attracts.
No, the people who will destroy you for being anything other than fine are the women in your life. Your mother, your sisters, your daughters, whatever name your sexual partner(s) insist on being called. They’re the ones who will kick you the hardest when you’re down. You will never be more alone than when you’re surrounded by women.
Just reading that makes it sound like you hate women. I’m sure you don’t…but if you’re giving off that kind of feeling / vibe whatever you want to call it, then maybe that’s why you feel alone when you’re surrounded by women. People can pick up on cues like that and avoid people like that.
Also,
menpeople need to talk more than in your example. This is the exact kind of behavior and thinking that contributes to male loneliness.Enough information is shared for one man to put himself in the other’s shoes, think about what he went through, and arrive at the same place for himself.
You just created an example where you imply it’s not okay for men to need more than this. That’s not healthy for you or anyone dude.
Women have worked pretty hard to earn my apathy, so why should I deny them the prize they so vehemently seek? They’re not on my side, as an intentional consequence I am not on theirs.
Seems like the common denominator is you. I hope you can work through that.
Your name definitely checks out bro…
As someone who had very different experiences with women and prefers opening up to them over men, I can assure you that there is a healthier way of living out there and I hope you can let go of your bitterness some day.
You’ve never heard men say “dude, just suck it up and get over it already. Don’t be a wuss.” about similar issues to other men?
About relationship stuff I can honestly say that I haven’t ever seen that. Other than like “hey I know you’re hurting but why don’t you come out with us and we’ll try to help you get back on the horse”. Which I think is pretty positive.
I am reminded of a book called Good To Go by Harry Constance, a US Navy SEAL who served in Vietnam. The exact line of the book it reminds me of is “No swimming.”
I’ve once heard it said that men insult their friends but don’t really mean it, women compliment their friends but they don’t mean it either. I’ll take “Come on, walk it off you’re alright” over faked sympathy every day for 37 more years.
Seems like everyone in your life treats you terribly. Is it possible that the problem might lie with the common factor here? Consider finding a therapist to help you through these thoughts.
Gets avoided, gets called gay, gets told to man up, gets made fun of
That’s kinda sad but true. Fun fact though, you get to choose your friends. If any of mine reacted like that I’d stop hanging out with them. It’s imperative you have a solid social circle who is gonna help and raise you up. If the toxic masculinity bros wanna hate on being human and having feelings they can fuck off and they’re not invited to my party. Only cool people are allowed.
This, too, is how I roll.
Yeah, I stopped hanging around my toxic friends too. This was a big part of why I was lonely throughout my 20s.
Ask the exs I cried in front of who then lost their physical attraction to me. Never doing that again. Having sex semi-regularly is a hell of a lot better than having a shoulder to cry on.
sdfhjlaks;fjlk;asfjkl;sfjakl;
Get out where? If you have no friends where do you go? Some bar where you stand around awkwardly by yourself while everyone else came with friends?
sdfhjlaks;fjlk;asfjkl;sfjakl;
Okay I’ll just get over crippling social anxiety. Great advice. Thanks.
Yes, if this is an issue you have: you should start taking steps to address it!
There are a number of online services to get you started, or see a therapist for personalized help from a professional. Mental health issues are real, but can be addressed with the right treatments. They won’t likely go away on their own, you’ll need to find the right strategies that work for you and then put in the effort & time to address it.
sdklf;gjkl;dsgjkl;dsgjkl;dsgsjkl;g
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Yes because only males can be lonely.
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Asking the big questions over here. You’ll be rich if you find the answer.
Male loneliness is likely partially due to the same reason we are all here; this online outlet for social endorphins is why you were not building up a deficit over the last week and felt the motivation to finally call that person you were thinking about this whole time. That person was a passing thought, and the endorphins hit you might have received is ultimately less than you got from the austere but consistent dose you get from social engagement online.
The only problem is that you are not creating a meaningful personal social network in real life. When you really need such a network in practice, you face the reality of no one to turn to, or less depth and meaning to such connections. Real people are also complex and you must face the reality that no one fits your echo chamber bubble like a place like this. If you act like a down vote or stupid hot take comes across here to people in the real world… you find yourself back here with less options in the future.
This is so true. We are living in the novel “Brave New World”
People online can be fun and can’t hurt you
Don’t get disabled and have a place like this as your only outlet to connect with other humans. Anonymous and mob like negativity, especially from misunderstandings, can be hurtful when sharing some part of yourself or the only time you’ve said anything to anyone in a day or more from within a prison of loneliness you cannot escape.
Ah, I guess I’ll need to tell my teenage friend who never made it to adulthood after feeling trapped and ruined when an older man started an online relationship that isolated her from her family to… fucking grow a pair or something?
Healthy mature people can exist online in a positive manner. Not everyone is an adult and not every adult is mature. The internet can be a dangerous place and it’s unhelpful to try and dismiss that.
Valid. Fair point.
Male loneliness is as much a symptom of the “suck it up” toxic masculinity that pervades your comment as it is the content of your comment.
Men are taught to be stoic, to rely only on themselves, to suck it up and get on with it, and for some, they’re trying desperately to conform to something that seems frighteningly easy for others. They’re expending all their energy on that unnatural - for them - attempt to conform rather than being able to simply exist as they might otherwise be.
Your instinct might be to attack me for pointing this out. That’s toxicity at play. Look at yourself.
But I haven’t made my main point yet. It’s this same toxicity and trying to “be a man” that turns men into the monsters that women fear, and so it becomes a vicious cycle of negativity breeding loneliness and on and on.
My advice would be “Do better. And if you can’t do better, do your best. And whatever you do, minimise harm.”
I choose to abstract and never attack anyone, while you insult, and make assumptions about my disposition going as far as assigning them an ideology and framework that seems repugnant and baseless to me. I see and feel lots of projection and bias, but if causing a disabled person in social isolation harm makes you feel better, I’m glad you had a better day. The comments seem so randomly unrelated it feels like you are possibly a misinformation agent of some sort.
Yeah I agree that response was uncalled-for.
I’m genuinely confused how my advice to minimise harm has itself caused harm. And sometimes, someone’s “best” isn’t much at all. That’d be me most days.
I should probably have put a conditional on “Look at yourself” to tie it in with the “might” in the lead sentence, though, that’s on me.
I would like to blame modern society but since the term “Lone Wolf” exists, I’m guessing it’s older than that.
there’s a big difference between the loner and the lonely
There is a lot of comments faulting society. But the individuals need to take personal accountability. Choosing to live online is what I see as the crux of this issue. This comes from personal experience of living online and being loney and miserable untill i started getting out and meeting people. This lonelyness “epedemic” is people not managing their screen time.
Generally if there is a massive trend in society then only systemic changes will change that trend.
Sure it would be nice if every incel worked out, microdosed mushrooms and became more selfless people, but that’s not something that will happen.
One thing that would fix a lot of this would be the government better regulating dating apps, since that’s how the vast majority of people meet their partners now.
One thing that would fix a lot of this would be the government better regulating dating apps, since that’s how the vast majority of people meet their partners now.
Back in my day, you didn’t need two middle men to get a partner…
We do need FOSS dating solution though, the app parasites are milking most of male population for that 20 per month.
What’s the deal with poorly explained questions?
Why don’t they provide more context for their perspective? Do they think people will magically know what they mean without them explaining it?
I think that’s part of the fun of an “ask people” forum, the answers reveal the common understanding of the definition of the question itself!
For example, In this question the term “male loneliness” is seemingly semantically meaningful. It seems to be a name given to the popular perception or understanding of a certain phenomenon.
Part of the fun of a forum is interacting with people as well, which OP didn’t do. Just shit in the forum and fucked off.
And what’s up with cab drivers and B.O. - how long are those shifts? I’m thinkin’ Hey!
What’s up with dumb answers to serious questions? I’m just wondering, Hey!
sdfhjlaks;fjlk;asfjkl;sfjakl;
Men have been taught not to approach women in public unless it’s online in a dating app. Women have always been taught not to approach men.
So no one is having relationships except for a very small portion of people who are disproportionately physically attractive.
Pair that with the hypergamy that women are doing where they only chase men out of their league now for the most part and it makes things that used to be normal and taken for granted like getting married and having a family exceptional jewels that are hard to come by.
I was about to write this exact thing and you’re already getting downvotes for it. People refuse to except reality.
There is an extremely large portion of men that are scared to put themselves out there because they are ostracized as creeps and fear the consequences of social shaming. “The worst she can say is no” is no longer true. The worst she can do is take a video of you while she publicly shames you for being a creep and trying to rape her.
I think the reason for down votes is that the comment suggests that issues with dating are the reason for male loneliness, when most people in the thread would argue that believing that ‘a romantic partner is the only acceptable source of meaningful emotional connection available to men’ is a big part of male loneliness.
Met my wife online during the pandemic.
Dated a fair few women before her, meeting online and in real life.
I’m not super attractive, and pretty awkward, but I always make the effort to be polite and actually listen instead of waiting to talk, you’d be amazed how far that actually gets you.
This is an anecdote, also having good social skills was always a clever way to make up for looks.
Most people have not been properly socialized since childhood. They need to level up but it is one of them things kinda like being poor, you are starting behind and you need to work 2x to get to mid.
If you don’t have good looks, that’s one thing, you can’t really change that.
But then if you don’t look good and you can’t try to hold a conversation, that’s your problem.
Learn to speak, it’s not hard. go talk to people and gain some confidence. All this talk about poor socialization or being unattractive and creepy just demoralizes people that I’m sure could actually make friends and meet spouses if they didn’t preemptively pull themselves out of the situation before they gave themselves the chance
Interesting that you took this post to be entirely about romantic/sexual relationships, especially since a partner should not be solely responsible for assuaging your lonliness.
Even if everyone had a partner/spouse male loneliness would still be a massive issue because men aren’t socialized in a way that equips them to have emotionally intimate platonic friendships. If my wife was my ONLY friend, I’d still be very lonely. Furthermore, even if I wasn’t in a relationship, I wouldn’t be lonely because of the friends I have.
This isn’t true. This is what right wing loser podcasters claim to further the idea of women or libruls as the problem, and themselves as the solution. It’s a much deeper problem than that.
If you actually spend time around women you’ll find that looks are a way lower priority for them than for men. You’ll find that they value things like being understanding, doing interesting things, being trustworthy, and for physical things as long as you’re hygienic and have a semblance of style they really don’t care much even if you’re heavier. And guess what? These are ALL things you can work on to improve yourself.
Want to have more women like you? Work on yourself first. Women aren’t attracted to men who complain online about “I’m not allowed to go talk to them in public”
If you actually spend time around women you’ll find that looks are a way lower priority for them than for men. You’ll find that they value things like being understanding, doing interesting things, being trustworthy, and for physical things as long as you’re hygienic and have a semblance of style they really don’t care much even if you’re heavier.
Oddly class and status is missing from this list… I wonder why
Because that also isn’t a big deal to most women. If you’re going out trying to meet women at bars or clubs sure those are the women you’ll meet.
At least in my experience, women tend to care about looks just about the exact same amount as men, that is to say some care almost exclusively about looks and some not at all, and everywhere in between, and at about the same rates from what I’ve seen. Anecdotal tho, and the general gist of what you said still applies, I’m just being pedantic lol
People simply just don’t like men
There ain’t never a shortage of dick!
Society has always put premium on women due to biology. Yeah it results in some weird externalities for men. Women got their own bags though.
