likely in response to my comments on the beehaw post, which i linked to (hopefully im doing this right?). apparently, calling people you dont know for the first time “they/them” before being told their pronouns is “misgendering”. absurd. this kind of attitude threatens the larger LGBTQ community and is partially why cishets hate us after we won so much progress back in the 00s and 10s.
im a queer person. im neurodivergent. this shit is so goddamn fucking annoying, especially as an older queer who got physically assaulted on a near daily basis for being queer in the 90s. the kids today get their panties in a twist over being supposedly “misgendered” by someone calling them gender neutral pronouns before being corrected. narcissistic victimhood bullshit.
anyways, now banned from one of my favorite instances. meanwhile in the US theyre planning on hunting us. but yeah, lets ban fellow queers over their view that people who get mad about being “misgendered” when they arent (cis people are also referred to as “they/them” before further context in a conversation with a stranger) are just attention seeking brats that threaten the larger movement. its so obvious to me that the brats who find reason to be offended over innocent pronoun use never faced real adversity, like getting repeatedly physically beaten.
edit - the best part of all of this is i faced no moderation from beehaw and all of my comments are +1 or higher. power tripping oversensitive neurodivergent hating bastard of a mod over at blahaj IMO.
edit 2 - did this wrong. heres a link to the post i think got me banned from blahaj and a screenshot about it https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/37659465
Edit 3 - apparently I did nothing wrong until I made my thoughts known about how the pronoun police fucked over the larger LGBTQ community as our rights are backsliding in America. Yall are gonna whine about being misgendered to the concentration camp guards at the rate we’re going. God forbid I be angry that while queers were busy fighting over pronouns our adversaries stuffed the courts, stuffed the school boards, couped the government, and are installing a fascist dictatorship. When I say that these fucking toddlers are going to learn what real oppression tastes like, that’s what I mean. It’s not that I want us to be hurt or oppressed (as the dog piling idiots have interpreted), it’s that the younger generation is weak as hell and lost the fucking plot in the fight for our rights. I grew up getting beaten in the streets for being queer only for these kids to claim their pronouns not being mind-read is oppression!
If you’re one of their in-group, you can get angry and say whatever you like and get asspats for it, even if they don’t agree with your position; if you’re one of the out-group, suddenly you’re toxic if you ever get upset for any reason. Infinite patience for “our’s”, no patience for “others”. Like circular firing squads on Tumblr, it doesn’t matter if you’re queer, neurodivergent, etc; what matters is if you’re part of the social circle in question.
I’m not in the in-group, never got any issue.
Have you contradicted the in-group in anything other than a self-abasing way?
If not, then there’s no reason why you’d have any issues with the group. It’s a case of tribalism, not a marauder gang.
Tolerance paradox I would say. Someone’s tribalism is another community’s policy.
OP’s post seems to come from a misunderstanding between using “they” for a person whose you don’t the pronouns vs a person that communicated pronouns.
The entire time all of comments have been about people you’ve met for the first time who are strangers.
But even if you know someone, cis trans or otherwise, you will still use they/them occasionally in a sentence because that’s how English works.
not true. the beehaw thread all this was under was explicitly written asking about people you know or have met.
it’s totally fine to make that mistake but your anger and name calling is unacceptable.
Tolerance paradox I would say. Someone’s tribalism is another community’s policy.
That’s not what the tolerance paradox is.
OP’s post seems to come from a misunderstanding between using “they” for a person whose you don’t the pronouns vs a person that communicated pronouns.
And supporting using ‘they’ for a person whose pronouns you don’t know is apparently worthy of a ban from Blahaj’s ‘community policy’
I reread the thread again because I wasn’t sure
Someone
I can’t relate to why someone takes offence at “they”/“them” but, if they are offended, I can and will accept that and, conversely, I would wish that they might realise that I will surely make mistakes and get this wrong even if I do or did understand.
OP
Getting mad about being “misgendered” by a stranger calling you the gender neutral they/them for the first time until otherwise specified isn’t behavior that’s acting in good faith but rather narcissistic attention seeking faux outrage.
I can see why this could be seen as gatekeeping.
As a sidenote, as much as I’m not a fan of hexbear, their policy of enforcing pronouns in the display name helps with that issue.
for the first time until otherwise specified
Getting mad about this is being a queer piss baby who never faced real oppression.
And supporting using ‘they’ for a person whose pronouns you don’t know is apparently worthy of a ban from Blahaj’s ‘community policy’
Yup. Total fucking insanity and harmful to the queer community.
I don’t know whether you’re criticizing or affirming blahaj’s behaviour
Criticizing.
I know this flies in the face of what everyone else seems to be saying, but fuck it.
I don’t know of an acronym, but my reaction is that even if they overreacted, your insanely aggressive response makes me think it’s right to leave it in place. I get that you’re saying that you’re just angry because you like blahaj, but up and down this thread your bitching is so antagonistic… Like, calling it narcissistic, referring to people who care “too much” about their pronouns as having main character syndrome? This is not the behavior of a friend, or an ally, and it’s not one I’d love in a member of my community.
Being queer and neurodivergent is not an excuse to be an asshole. As someone who identifies as both queer and neurodivergent, let me say I wouldn’t unban you for this. Whether the initial ban was right or wrong!
I went through real shit in the 90s for being queer. I wasn’t even diagnosed as neurodivergent (despite a disgusting amount of evidence since I was a child, because “girls don’t get ADHD”) until my goddamned 30s. That doesn’t mean that just because other people are suffering differently, their suffering doesn’t matter, and screaming about it makes you look like an abusive fuck. People don’t have to suffer “enough” for your definition to deserve respect. Jesus.
I get that this could be stepping on your trauma, and nobody loves being excluded, but this reaction ain’t it.
This is stepping on my exclusion trauma. I also wasn’t diagnosed until an adult, and im angry as hell. I’m an asshole for good reason right now - the violence is about to return and what are queers doing? Fighting about FUCKING PRONOUNS. bunch of pathetic whiners.
Honestly fuck the younger queers. They took everything we fought hard for and then pissed it away on being pronoun police so they could pretend to feel oppression after we mostly eradicated it. They have zero respect for their elders yet demand respect from us.
NOTE THAT I NEVER MISGENDERED ANYONE. All I did was point out how utterly fucking RIDICULOUS it is to be OFFENDED by being called they/them by a stranger for the first time as being “misgendered”. These piss babies deserve the violence coming towards them that my generation sacrificed majorly to fight against since they wanna pretend to be oppressed let them taste real oppression.
Honestly fuck the younger queers.
These piss babies deserve the violence coming towards them that my generation sacrificed majorly to fight against since they wanna pretend to be oppressed let them taste real oppression.
I am a 40+ queer gal.
You were never wrong that using they/them pronouns for someone you don’t know (or don’t remember) isn’t misgendering someone. You were right about that.
I understand you are angry about the ban and that people didn’t seem to understand the point you were making about pronouns, but the way you are escalating your responses to any criticism has gotten out of hand. Look at what you just wrote: “fuck the younger queers” and they “deserve violence”?
This is not okay. This is abusive behavior toward an entire group of people.
The issue now isn’t about they/them pronouns. The issue now is you sound like a danger to young queer people in this moment. You are who they should be afraid of right now.
I don’t wish to do violence on younger queers, I’m saying that since they want to fake being oppressed so hard they should get a taste of what real oppression feels like.
And they’re going to. Because they lost the fucking plot. Now the fascists are in power and coming for all of us.
I’m saying that since they want to fake being oppressed so hard they should get a taste of what real oppression feels like.
This is your problem. You need to face it. Those are not the words of an ally. Saying that a member of your community deserves to feel the same oppression you did? Absolutely not. You are not speaking as their ally, you are speaking as their enemy.
And I fault them for the backslide. I fault them for where things are heading. Us millennials did our part - fighting actual violence - only for the pronoun police to throw it away.
Great. So, you think your fellow community members have a behavioral problem, and you’re blaming them for their impending oppression. Again, not the words of an ally. To them, or to anyone in the community.
Blaming any victim for their oppression is wrong. Especially if you know what it’s like to be oppressed. It’s not their fault, and how dare you suggest that it is.
We required a constant fight for our physical safety and the younger generation got distracted by pronouns and then when pushed on this by elders they throw a fit.
I find these issues so tiring. Lemmy is a project run by volunteers, usually with specific goals in mind.
While I think that more democratic means of administering instances would be good I also can’t really see how to implement them and if someone is volunteering to run a server then criticising the precise way they do it, especially when moderator actions are public, seem a bit rich.
Different servers have different goal, some are trying to be public squares like this one, where more voices are welcome than not even to the detriment of some people. Others are trying to be safe cozy spaces, or friend clubs or whatever and someone just not liking your vibe is a fine reason to pre-emptively close the door in your face.
When someone does so they’re not even restricting your ability to see things, and usually not even making an account on their instance. You can literally run a bot to mirror everything over to your own version of a community if you don’t like the way they administer theirs. All they are doing is restricting your ability to send messages to their userbase under that particular account. Blahaj is going for a certain vibe, it’s not a vibe I want so I’m not their and I don’t really use their communities but it’s very clearly communicated to the userbase and behaviour like this is done specifically so users that feel vulnerable have a place to be gay with like zero confrontation about the particular way they want to be.
So who cares?
As a queer excommunicated from the queer community because I won’t play their pronoun games and entertain their faux outrage, I care.
You are a dickhead who prefers to hang out in spaces where being a dickhead to people is welcome. That isn’t the case at blahaj, there’s no reason for you to speak there. You can still read it, and if you want to participate in that culture then you can make a new account and just follow their rules and norms on that account, then be a dickhead about queer people on SJW or whatever with all the little arseholes that will give you a gold star for being “one of the cool queers”
I’m gonna ignore all of this and talk to you directly as an autistic to an autistic. There are so many times I asked a friend of mine “Hey, I forgot mutual friend X’s gender, what were their pronouns again” but what they heard was “Oh no the trans-genders and the pronouns are so confusing, they should stick with what on their birth certificate” and then I wake up the next day with no friends because that friend told all their friends I was being a transphobe.
Now, let’s think about this from their perspective. If you saw a friend of yours being a bigot to another one of your friends, would you still hang out with them? I wouldn’t. If I heard one of my friends was homophobic or transphobic or racist or any other kind of bigot, I would instantly block and shun them. I do not want bigots of any kind around me or my friends. There is a reason that cults practice shunning, and that is because it fucking works.
Continuing this, lets say our hypothetical ex-friend had been accused of being transphobic to one of your trans friends. What would they need to do to be either forgiven or absolved of guilt? Even if they were in fact transphobic, they can admit they are wrong. And if the accusation was wrong, what proof would you need? What sort of behavior would you need to see from them to forgive them?
I am positive that you as an elder queer have had many, many, many experiences where someone you thought you could trust turned out to be a homophobe. It really hurts. After a while, you start only seeing the worst in people.
As an autistic, it was really rough learning what would come across as a microaggression. Can’t ask to be reminded of the pronouns, because it might be interpreted as passive-aggressive transphobic whinging about pronouns. When I do fuck up, I can’t give the big apology that I think misgendering someone deserves because my autistic RBF will make it come across as sarcastic. You just have to quickly correct yourself and move on without drawing attention to it. It feels like blowing a red light and hitting someone because I was just plopped behind the wheel of a car without being taught how to drive.
Your tantrum here was very cathartic for me, because it really is fucking terrible trying navigate a world full of traumatized people. I don’t like accidentally triggering people. I want people to feel safe around me! But if I had thought I’d seen a person doing a microaggression, and then I saw them throwing a tantrum about how them getting shunned was because everyone else is a pee pee piss piss boy and this is why the cishets hate us, I would be inclined to think they were at least regressive, if not one of the republican gays who think that we need to chop off everything past the B in LGBTQ+.
Just to be clear, I don’t think you’re transphobic. I have experienced the same sort of things as you. It’s rough restraining myself from flailing around in response to being accused of stuff. It is humiliating to prostrate myself and beg forgiveness of things I know I did not do. But we live in a fucking society full of bigots and people traumatized by those fucking bigots, and these are the rituals that keep our corner of society even a little bit sane.
It seems more to me like the TQ wants to rid themselves of the LGB with their pronoun tirades and temper tantrums.
And yeah, I have few real friends. Luckily none lost because of homophobia, but more so because I’m not fucking poly and I’m tired of everyone in the LGBTQ community (at least by me) seeming to be poly. (And they really like to claim “ethical” non monogamy when they’re full of shit about their so called “ethical” behavior) So I’ve been used and abused by quite a few of my fellow queers I thought were my friends but weren’t.
I live in an extremely lonely rural area, but it’s better than living in a city and feeling just as lonely.
I’ve come to a point in my life where I might as well reject the queer community since I’m already rejected by them.
Girl. Read your comment again. Please. It reads like a grandma in the nursing home ranting about how all the kids these days are all premarital hand-holding and being publicly indecent.
Look, I’m poly. I’m in a monogamous relationship, but just because I’m not currenly performing poly-ness doesn’t mean I don’t think and see the world like a poly person. My wife-to-be isn’t poly and I’m not gonna push her. I’m sorry that your friends seem to have pushed you, and I can sympathize since so many poly people seem to use it as a crutch for being a bad partner, but you don’t get to be a dick about it.
Back when I used to live in the rust belt, I had a lesbian coworker who was a big trump supporter as well as a born-again Christian who thinks that gay and trans people are all going to hell. She only does couple stuff with her wife (how she got a wife I will never know) behind closed doors because she doesn’t want to “indoctrinate the children”. That’s our real enemy, if you can call it that: gay people oppressing themselves and dragging each other down with them.
I was a daycare teacher for a while. You know what I do when a kid throws a temper tantrum? I leave them alone until they calm down, and then I treat them like the tantrum didn’t happen. Sometimes they want to tell me what made them upset after, and we can fix it. Sometimes they just need it out of their system. I’m of the opinion that adults are just toddlers with manners. Let the tantrum happen, don’t judge them for it, move tf on.
People can be poly all they want, it’s not for me. At all. It’s emotionally harmful, traumatizing and makes me feel unsafe. I refuse to date anyone poly which shrinks an already small number of people in my rural area. Claiming I’m a “grandma” is fucking offensive. I need emotional trust in a partner to have sex, and for damn good reasons I do not trust poly people. Ethical they are not. Not in my numerous experiences. They’re delusional about their emotional intelligence. Not just me! I have queer friends with similar bad experiences.
Comparing me to your born again Christian friend is also offensive. I don’t hide who I am. I don’t think queer people should hide who they are. I am not nor have I ever been Christian, not raised in that religion at all.
Demanding emotional trust in a romantic relationship and only finding that trust in naturally monogamous people is not oppression, it’s protecting myself from harm.
I think I came across as angrier than I intended. My personal experience with poly people, for one, lines up pretty well with yours. There is many reasons I’m an ethical monogamist now, and all of them are people I’ve dated. I was only a little offended at the jab towards poly people. The main reasons I am angry are just that there’s so much else that wrong out there.
I also did not intend to compare you to my Christian friend. I meant to use her as a human example of the other problems out there. Tbh I think it undermined my intended point, which was that we should not be direction anger into our own community when I know you can see how shit it is out there for gays. It’s much better than back when you were a baby gay, that’s for sure, but there are so many bigots out there trying to shove us back in the closet. Why waste you energy on stuff that doesn’t matter?
I also just want to be clear I don’t think you are homophobic or anything like that, and I think we agree on pretty much everything. That’s why I am talking to you. I just think you are wasting your energy on stuff that doesn’t matter. Forgiveness takes energy. Our community is full of traumatized people who have big complexes about bullshit that doesn’t matter and will lash out over microaggressions they’ve been conditioned to expect but aren’t actually there. Baby gays don’t know how to deal with their own trauma yet. Hopefully they will get better about it as they get older and more experienced.
I think a little more relevant example for forgiveness is this one time I had a kid in my class who was a Ukranian refugee. He was 3, so he was old enough to talk but not old enough to think through his actions before he does them. Very smart kid, but he had no way to deal with the trauma of being a refugee, and was definitely either autistic or something similar. He was quite prone to tantrums. How else was he supposed to deal with it? He has, at various points, bit me, stabbed me with pencils, screamed in my ear, broken my glasses, tried to rip my ears off my head, and many other things. I always made it clear thst i forgave him, and he always said sorry to me after. He got better over time. I know this isn’t a perfect metaphor, because it’s not acceptable for an adult to react to misgendering by stabbing the misgenderer with a pencil and breaking their glasses, but I think you see what I’m talking about. Most importantly, I have to forgive this child. What’s the alternative? Holding a grudge against this 3-year-old? Caving his face in? No! That doesn’t make sense! Giving forgiveness doesn’t mean “I absolve this child of guilt for stabbing me and breaking my glasses”, it means making an effort to let go of your own pain so you can heal and move on without your life.
Edit: wow, that was a wall of text. I think I needed a reason to get that off my chest. Thanks, I guess
What is ethical monogamist if not a typical committed monogamous relationship where you don’t fuck each other over emotionally?
we should not be direction anger into our own community
This is why I’m so heated about the pronoun police finding things to be mad about. It’s in bad faith.
Ethical monogamy is basically when a poly person who has chosen to be in a monogamous relationship. More specifically, it is distinguished from “normal” monogamy in two ways:
- Monogamy is not assumed to be the “default”. Keeping the relationship exclusive is a deliberate choice, and was discussed.
- Boundaries are clearly defined. Apparently “normal” people don’t talk about what counts as cheating to them, and then get caught off guard when one person gets jealous over giving another person a compliment or watching ahead on their shows or whatever it is for them.
So yeah, it’s just basic decency imho
Don’t take this personally but I don’t trust poly people “choosing” to be mono. That’s a situation I was in.
I believe, like sexuality, it is hardwired. Either you are or you aren’t, and if you’re in your unnatural state for long enough you’ll resent it and go back to your natural state. Whichever it is, I think it goes both ways for poly and mono.
As for point 2 I always discuss this with partners and I’m not poly at all. Better for everyone to be on the same page about expectations.
It seems more to me like the TQ wants to rid themselves of the LGB with their pronoun tirades and temper tantrums.
Oh… Wow. With all due politeness I request that you please cool it with this rhetoric. It is dangerous. The community needs to band together right now. I’m sympathetic for you but this makes you seem hostile and jaded.
Hostile because it’s the TQ busy being the pronoun police. Their tirades are threatening us all.
The entire trans and queer community (which by your word choice elsewhere in the thread you are ostensibly a part of)? The ENTIRETY of it? I say this with respect and with your best interests at heart: get a grip. Take a breather. Scream into a pillow. But don’t be like that.
It seems more to me like the TQ wants to rid themselves of the LGB with their pronoun tirades and temper tantrums.
Woah, hey, what the fuck? Here I thought you were having a sincere overreaction but no, this is all just transphobia, and possibly homophobia. You’re basically ranting about the whole community being non-monogamous? Sexually deviant?
“Terminally online whiny piss babies”? You want to reject the community? You think they’ve all just had it easy? You live a “lonely rural life” and think you can talk about how people have had it easy? Paint the whole community red like that but it’s okay if you say “(at least by me)”?
Transgender people have had it easy?
Absolutely not with this shit, I do not give you any more benefits of the doubt or good faith. You are hitting all the bigot talking points regardless of what you identify as.
You do not get to divide the community at a time like this. Trying to stir shit up and turn LGB on TQ and vice versa, yeah, you need to GTFO.
No, I’m ranting about the whole community being overtaken with “poly” views, which I don’t have to agree with or accept as a monogamous person whos been used and abused and lied to by so called “ethically” non monogamous people. They can all fuck each other for all I care, but I’m not going to stand for being fucked over.
I used to live in a city. Doesn’t matter where I live, the queer community is only accepting of a certain kind of queer. Which I’m not.
I used to live in a city. Doesn’t matter where I live, the queer community is only accepting of a certain kind of queer. Which I’m not.
You do not get to paint the whole community like this. The community is only accepting of a certain kind of person: the kind of person that accepts and supports the community.
You’re not doing that. You’re stirring shit up, acting like some members of the community haven’t earned their place, and throwing around some extremely inappropriate stereotypes like your alleged experience is indicative of the community as a whole.
You want to be homophobic and stereotype people like this, and you want to be transphobic and dismiss their struggles up to now as “having it too easy”?
And you fucking come around saying they deserve to be oppressed? They “have it coming” because they “wouldn’t listen to their elders”? You want them to be oppressed?
Then you’re absolutely right. You’re not the kind of person the community accepts. Get the fuck out.
Calling a queer person homophobic and transphobic because they don’t agree with absurd pronoun policing or polyamory. Classic.
Sorry I’m not one of the cool kids.
You don’t get to use your identity as a defense against being called an asshole. Anyone can be a bigot. You talk about people who you claim to identify with like they’re deviant, lesser, and worthy of oppression. It’s not about fucking pronouns and you know it. You openly admit you want these people to suffer.
You’re a bigoted asshole and don’t belong in any community that relies on inclusion. Goodbye.
It’s not that I want them to suffer, it’s that they want to be oppressed so bad maybe they should get a taste of what real oppression looks like.
Of the three trans people I know IRL, all of them are in a (from the outside) stable, monogamous relationship. The only poly people I know are cis-het.
Let’s consider that bias influences what we see and want to see.
I’m a women who dates AFAB women. They’re all fucking poly in this area. And dishonest.
That’s the LGTBQ community in vermont. Note ALL the letters. A giant poly cesspool of people who have zero desire for a traditional committed relationship. But they’ll lead you on and tell you otherwise!
I’m allowed to not like it or agree with it. I find it emotionally dangerous and ive been traumatized numerous times by these people.
I think there was a disconnect with what you were trying to express and what others were trying to express. You were specifically talking about using they/them before knowing a person’s pronouns, while others were talking about using they/them after being informed.
I also think you were coming off as rather aggressive and dismissive of other people’s plight by comparing how difficult you had it in the past.
However, more importantly, you getting banned for that is ridiculous. Even if interpreted in the worst possible way (within reason). You clearly were not intending to be harmful, hateful, spreading misinformation or anything like that. You were just trying to express your perspective.
They sound fundamentally unserious and part of the problem.
“Now I understand that woke folks are playing “ -Killer Mike
EXACTLY! We’re facing real threats to our physical safety but yeah let’s go be offended by being “misgendered”
Bunch of fucking piss baby queers who’ve clearly never taken a fist to the face or they’d know what real oppression looks like.
yeah I blocked that entire instance for being full of those sorts of morons, and I’m gay. I don’t have the time or patience for that.
I just wish instance blocks extended to users, would make getting rid of entire swathes of annoying dipshits so much easier. Imagine being able to mass-block every user from lemmygrad.
A man can dream.
So did I. It reminds me of how users in incel reddits or FDS behave… Transcel (dear God please don’t ever let that become a thing).
According to those idiots, if you differ from them in any way shape or form, you absolutely cannot be an lgbtqtia+ ally and are actually a transphobe.
Morons.
Find an instance that blocks grad. Mine does.
There’s a public /instances endpoint exposed on all servers by default - check the blocked tab.
PTB.
Okay I have to ask: if you don’t know someone’s gender, but you can’t call them uh, they/them, then what in the fuck are you supposed to do exactly?
Like, I fully get doing it in person can be being a dick, but on the internet where you absolutely do not know unless someone tells you?
That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard today, and I was on reddit earlier.
EXACTLY! its standard english to refer to strangers as they/them before otherwise corrected. to perceive that as “misgendering” is main character syndrome and something that the fellow queer community needs to push back on. im so tired of these privileged queers feigning adversity.
Absolutely. You did nothing wrong here.
There must be a default pronoun for unknown gender in order for the language to function. If not they, then what? Should we default to masculine pronouns like in Spanish?
I always thought it was weird that we insisted that “it” somehow must be dehumanizing. Why not just decide it isn’t and have an unambiguous 3rd person singular ungendered pronoun?
Ask for the platform to have pronouns built in.
I’m sceptical about hexbear as much as the next person, but they pronouns mandatory policy was a good one
IDK, this would force closeted trans people either to out themselves or misgender themselves. Not everyone is in a position where it’s safe to be themselves, even online.
Interesting point. But then don’t have those people to misgender themselves as well when people ask them their pronouns online?
They would have a lot more options in that case, like they could stop engaging or explain they’re not comfortable being open about it. Requiring having you’re gender identity display in your bio/display name would make it too easy to glean by potential abusers and thus make this platform unsafe for vulnerable trans people.
If it sounds unworkable that typically might be becauze you’re misunderstanding: if you don’t know/remember you of course use they/them, if you do know then you should use those pronouns.
“It” or perhaps “Life form”, though that might be offensive to those that identify as dead inside.
well “it” is universally thought to be objectifying and a pronoun non gratis. except for the select few who choose to go by that for … reasons i guess. whatever floats their boat.
Its boat, surely.
identify as dead inside
Wow, rude. Why you gotta call me out like that.
One could always refer to another as “one”, but one would soon realize how clunky and awkward that is.
Okay I have to ask: if you don’t know someone’s gender, but you can’t call them uh, they/them, then what in the fuck are you supposed to do exactly?
I fully support inclusivity. Rejecting singular “they/them” as generic non-gendered pronouns isn’t inclusive. It’s a special brand of incivility and intolerance.
Whatever your policy is on intolerant individuals, feel free to exercise it.
PTB
This kind of PTB behavior is why [email protected] split off from the original one on blahaj
Based on number, [email protected] is much more active than the LW version
Why do you post everwhere 196 comes up trying to funnel people to your instance?
You even post on the 196 wolrd community trying to get people to leave.
Do you hate that community?
not commenter but yes. the community is fine but the mods on the .world version did us crazy dirty. like obscenely. here’s the history post if you want a deep dive.
(i don’t post or funnel in the .world one personally, feels a little bad form to me, but just explaining the emotional incentives that are going on there)
Blahaj is where all the toxic LGBT people gather. Their only arguments are gender related and they somehow do the craziest mental gymnastics to change the subject towards it. If you ignore it or tell them that it’s not related, you get called a transphobe. If you have the slightest opinion on gender that isn’t 100% everybody should be trans, you’re called a transphobe. It can probably be defined as an echo chamber.
Other instances have normal queer and lgbt people.
They’ve turned me the fuck off, like a light switch. Don’t want straight allies? OK. Bye.
What instances?
Mine.
PTB. but hey, at least it’s better than having moderation too loose
banning a queer person from the queer community over … checks notes … using english as its intended in a way that is not harmful is not better.
But allowing fash trolls to harass a queer instance with JAQing is far worse.
This wasn’t JAQ and I’m also not the OP of the post but a commenter on a post asking for opinions not even on blahaj
Oh, this action definitely did not deserve action, but if even this gets people banned then you bet the real JAQers have nowhere to hide. I’m intentionally ignoring the bad side, which others have already commented on way better than I ever could, to look for some positives here.
Being banned isn’t better. You can block anyone. You can’t unban yourself.
Personal blocking is not the solution for community moderation.
You cant make the users moderate for themselves, they wont moderate
Don’t complain that queer people are softer than they used to be, celebrate that they don’t have to toughen up and can be themselves with less fear of backlash
That was always the goal, the pronoun police have undermined the fight for years now. Being offended over every little fucking thing gains one absolutely zero respect.
Being offended over every little fucking thing gains one absolutely zero respect.
But this is the modern culture of victim hood.
People think they gain social status by being offended and will make shit up to be offended over.
We got a commenter going around crying racism over sheepooh meme because it is “racist” even after being explained the context. The person. Just kept going on and on lol
I swear it’s intentional. Post 2008 there was a global movement against capital that was gaining serious steam in response to the financial crisis…
And then what happened? Suddenly identity politics was all the rage.
Capital wants us fighting over petty identity based disagreements so we don’t organize against them.
As for the queer community specifically, note that the only ones pissy about pronouns are the ones who grew up when society was accepting. They didn’t have to fight the way my generation and prior had to. They’re clueless and weak.
please have some introspection: you’re being offended over some internet argument and complaining about a whole community. is your respect conditional on never wronging you?
It’s been a decade plus of pronoun policing and whining over insignificant shit, time to grow the fuck up as the concentration camps are being built.
I think you were banned for having an opinion in a thread that asked for it. That this mod decided anyone interacting with that thread at all was grounds for banning, and they will probably feel the same way about this thread.
It doesn’t matter that your opinion was to be as inclusive as possible, and that absolutely nobody objected to it or provided a more inclusive option, you were simply guilty by association.
I would honestly love to see that mod’s opinion on the subject, but that would make them guilty by association as well I suppose.
That mod doesn’t deserve the community they think they represent. That’s not being an ally, that’s being a PTB who is unwilling to put in effort in their “moderation”.
Guess being a mod doesn’t necessarily mean you can think critically.
