• MTK@lemmy.world
    391·
    5 个月前

    I remember how creepy it was to see that once the girls in my class got boobs (around 8th grade, 13-14 yo) full on adults would start hitting on them. I recall seeing a few class mates in a local park, all 3 were 13 I think, they still looked like little girls, it’s just that now they had boobs and wore bras. So I see these 3 girls, each sitting in the lap of an 18-20 yo dude, and making out…

    As a kid I recall seeing it and thinking “wtf is wrong with those guys?”

    • ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world
      31·
      5 个月前

      I live in a country where the age of consent is 14, and this shit is still pretty common. I voted Fidesz because I thought they’d fix the situation, by rising it. They added a close-in-age exception, so if you’re 17, you can prey on 12 year olds.

        • ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world
          2·
          5 个月前

          Yeah, it was 2010. My most regretted action.

          The day that change was announced, I was so angry, I shaked and looked like that veiny guy in the meme, also didn’t sleep a single minute that night.

      • Taalnazi@lemmy.world
        2·
        4 个月前

        Wtf? You voted for Nazis?

        Fuck that, they distract you while demonising everyone that criticises them as “LGBT pedos” (when the LGBT people are the most threatened by the actual creeps, ie Fidesz, and his fat oaf Orban).

        But seeing as you don’t anymore… How come you changed views?

        • ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world
          2·
          4 个月前

          Got my face eaten by the leopards (was a college student at that time, now I’m in their “communal work program” for half the minimum wage so their voters can say “at least he works”), so I read up about all the evils Orbán and co wanted to protect me from.

          • Taalnazi@lemmy.world
            1·
            4 个月前

            Hmm, I see. How’d you radicalise at first?

            That said, I’m glad you realised their true faces, comrade. Now if only the rest of Hungary did so too…

  • MissJinx@lemmy.world
    923·
    5 个月前

    The thing about 13yo guys ia that you are on the beggining of your puberty process and most boys are ugly and awkward

    • Banana@sh.itjust.works
      5·
      5 个月前

      13 year old girls are also awkward as fuck lmao. Acne, stretch marks, figuring out wtf to do with a period.

      All that and having to navigate being coveted by adult men while not understanding why.

    • kautau@lemmy.world
      10·
      5 个月前

      How many 13 year old guys are you trying to date? You been to a private island in the last 10 years or so?

    • msprout@lemmy.world
      15·
      5 个月前

      I can earnestly say that, as a former 13-year-old boy myself, none of the other girls my age really compared me to George Clooney. All of us were ugly and awkward at that age, and if you think otherwise, I might grow a little leery of your intentions.

      • MissJinx@lemmy.world
        1·
        5 个月前

        Did I say otherwise? I ment exaxtly that, puberty is horrible to everyone. I also had 13yo and have a 12 and a 15 yo boys at home. The same.go for.girls of course

  • BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today
    741·
    5 个月前

    Not really, because guys that age are 100% INVISIBLE to females. All you got is zits and a curfew, which you can’t even violate because neither you, nor any of your friends have a driver’s license.

      • BeeegScaaawyCripple@lemmy.worldEnglish
        41·
        5 个月前

        Graduating high school made me a hell of a lot more interesting to a couple of girls. I figured if they weren’t interested before, they weren’t interesting enough.

        • Schadrach@lemmy.sdf.orgEnglish
          2·
          5 个月前

          The difference being you weren’t desperate enough to take “any hole is a goal” as a motto worth following.

    • Banana@sh.itjust.works
      8·
      5 个月前

      Young girls were intentionally manipulated into thinking this behaviour from older men was acceptable. It’s called grooming because these were naive young women who literally did not have the brain development or experience to know that when a man says “you’re so mature for your age”, he’s fucking lying.

      Don’t blame these young women for the grooming and trauma inflicted on them from a young age. Blame society for teaching men that they should be pursuing the youngest women possible.

    • NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world
      212·
      5 个月前

      “Guys” and “females.”

      Zits and curfew aren’t why girls weren’t into you then and it’s not why women aren’t interested in you now, incel boy.

    • interdimensionalmeme@lemmy.ml
      151·
      5 个月前

      Wait it’s only about what you can do for them and give to them, your material usefulness? What about youthful vigor? Doesn’t that count for more, way more, than a driver’s license, spending money and social status? What about love and shit?

            • musubibreakfast@lemmy.world
              8·
              5 个月前

              Show me where I’m wrong

              You seem troubled. If you’re ever in Amsterdam, let me know and I’ll buy you a beer and you can tell me about what’s bothering you.

                • Zink@programming.dev
                  1·
                  5 个月前

                  re: 2. You’re wrong.

                  There, checked that box.

                  It’s pretty convenient for me that you only offered a one-line assertion, so I could reply with a one-line assertion!

                  This is one of those subjects where you can write an essay in reply or throw out simple phrases that might highlight some profound thing to those who are already on the other side of the issue from you.

                  And I’m sitting here with my family wanting to play a game with me, been with my wife for 25 years, so let me take a shot at very broadly and generally logic-ing my train of thought to love being a “real” thing and worthwhile:

                  1. I am naturally a recluse computer nerd personality who doesn’t talk to anybody. Yeah I’m married but I have never personally asked a girl out, nor have any ever asked me out. Very lucky to have had her randomly find me on freaking ICQ of all things, and obviously our chats went well enough to meet up.

                  2. I’m married, and it’s a whole social and legal construct, but I’m not talking about any of that stuff here. This is about the effect of relationships on the human psyche.

                  3. Nothing is “real.” I look at the universe through what I think of as a “positive nihilism” lens. Things like meaning, purpose, love, justice, and others are constructs of our conscious minds, not features of the physical world (and yeah technically they kind of are part of the physical world because our brains are, but I think you get my meaning). The upside is that this can be a very freeing feeling. It is OK to figure out what you really care about and pursue that. But the downside is that you can very easily and very significantly limit your own life experiences due to nothing more than your own perceptions.

                  4. Humans are a very social species. Belonging to families and tribes is programmed deep within us, even if we reject it (see my #1) or are ignorant of it and let it drive negative behavior (see political parties, sports teams, racism, etc).

                  5. Lust is not bad. Let’s not be puritans. I don’t lust after everybody I love (eww) but I lust after my wife all the time and it’s awesome fun.

                  5a. Speaking of #5 there, an important underlying thing to remember is that you have to allow yourself to enjoy life and have fun. And yeah, it sounds like an empty platitude of a saying. “That’s what I’m trying to do every hour of every day” I hear my old self saying. Yeah but there are a lot of self-imposed limitations and assumptions that we don’t even realize we’re putting on ourselves. I mean, I’m a white male USian on Lemmy. I am keenly aware of how fucked up things are all over the place despite my locale not changing at all. Oh and I was raised by angry conservative Catholics. And those things only cover the guilt-based aspects of what you’re supposed to do. I think having a kid helps me keep myself balanced here. It would be evil and irresponsible to ignore the plight of other people, but it would also be pretty wrong and irresponsible to make my 8 year old’s world miserable just because they were born onto the same fucked up planet the rest of us were.

                  1. The goal here is to improve the life experience of myself and those around me. There isn’t some ideal state where we have officially reached “love” status.

                  2. To have the best effect on our psyches, our life experiences need to engage our senses and affect our environment. So I am talking about sharing the same physical space with loved ones and not just texting constantly or being super active on Facebook or whatever site. And I am not being an old luddite that thinks it should be this way (see #1). Digital communication is awesome, but generally the person to person connection is better as you involve more senses. Think of text -> call -> video call -> in-person visit, whether it’s to figure out something for work or to learn about the new baby in the family.

                  3. Love isn’t just an emotion. It usually means having affection for the person, sure, but it is also a level of respect and a level of commitment to that person or people. And it is certainly not always selfless, but it can be. And there are degrees. There are plenty of friends’ children that we love and would do all kinds of stuff for. And we often do, and don’t ask for anything in return. And you might think this sounds like we could let friends take advantage of us. And to that I would say, that is an approach that puts negativity and greed foremost in your mind. What usually happens is that we go into the situation in a positive and generous way, and the psychological benefit that WE get is far greater than whatever time or money we spent.

                  4. Our bodies run on feedback loops! It seems fairly ubiquitous that for so many of our daily actions, our body directs resources to get better at the things we do more of, and worse at the things we do less of. This goes for way more than physical strength. So it might sound stupid, but making the conscious decision “I am going to be better at loving X person, and better at loving and taking care of myself” and start letting that mindset drive your little decisions in one direction rather than the other, it can add up in small ways and start to snowball. So this is where the annoying circular sayings like “to be happy you must choose to be happy” start to make sense once you see it in action.

                  5. So yeah, that has got to be enough typing for now. Loving somebody doesn’t mean they are perfect and that I never have a problem with them. And loving them unconditionally does not mean that I never try to get them to change their ways or improve something. It’s like the old saying “you get out what you put in.”

                  Disclaimer: If you need medication to keep some issue(s) under control, this advice is not meant as a magical “you can do it buddy” alternative to that. I am still on my medications for depression/anxiety and ADHD. So, loving others well is something I choose to do because it is best for me and those around me. However, it is a WHOLE LOT harder to act like I want to act when I am in pain and half asleep all the time.

                • Banana@sh.itjust.works
                  3·
                  5 个月前

                  At least your username is accurate.

                  Love isn’t something you can just show somebody and provide empirical proof of, you have to change your perspective to recognize it, because it’s everywhere.

                  You seem to be in a really not-great place emotionally speaking and that is probably preventing you from being vulnerable with people. Vulnerability is necessary to building deeper connections with people.

                  My advice whether you’re willing to hear it or not is to get used to feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable and open yourself up to people, or you will never build deeper connections.

                  Whether you believe me or not, I won’t be suffering, but opening up may help prevent further suffering on your part.

            • Honytawk@feddit.nl
              1·
              5 个月前

              Greed and Lust exists just as much as Love.

              “TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF GREED, ONE MOLECULE OF LUST”

              ~Death

              But if you had any experience with love, you wouldn’t make those dumb statements about any of them.

        • Banana@sh.itjust.works
          4·
          5 个月前

          I feel sorry that you’ve never experienced or I guess recognized love when you see it, both romantically and platonically. I hope that changes.

  • Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world
    703·
    5 个月前

    This is actually a destabilizing piece of society. Younger men become disaffected when older men, who are better partners, pick up much younger women (I am talking only about adults.). Younger women are then competing with older women for more established men, which can destroy families.

    Largely, we have fetishized youth so much that this isn’t something that will correct itself. I suppose the standards of beauty can change again, as they always do, but for now we are stuck with a real problem.

    • MystikIncarnate@lemmy.caEnglish
      8·
      5 个月前

      You’re not wrong, but I would call out a point of clarity, that youth is far more fetishized for women.

      I’m a dude, but as far as I can tell, guys need a bit of luck in the looks category (not the most important thing, but not looking disfigured generally helps), ambition, and success (mainly money). I had terrible luck with women. I’m not the best looking guy out there but I’m certainly not the worst either… And I could find relationships, but it always quickly fell apart. Once I decided to improve upon myself, and go to college in the pursuit of a well paying job, I found that my ambition was generally enough to keep people’s attention, romantically.

  • Beesbeesbees@lemmy.world
    211·
    5 个月前

    Gross. Accurate. Took me way too long to understand why my friend’s dad was acting the way he was around 13-17. Decades later and it still sickens me.

  • andros_rex@lemmy.world
    40·
    5 个月前

    My husband kicked me out once he realized flashing his money at 19 year olds worked. The teenagers didn’t ask him to stop playing FIFA and walk his dogs.

      • DeviantOvary@reddthat.com
        1·
        5 个月前

        I was groomed by a guy in his 40s when I was 16 to 18. He was also suspected to have sexually abused younger kids. I’ve been in a relationship with my current partner who’s my age for over a decade now. The abuser knew very well how to take advantage of vulnerable girls. And yes. That trauma will stay with me. I still have nightmares. For the first year with my partner I would frequently wake up from these nightmares and be so relieved to be next to my partner to comfort me. I found out very recently that the asshole is still out and about, but got cancer, so there’s some karma there.

        I’m sure that if I had better friends and wasn’t so lonely and had a better situation at home I wouldn’t have fallen for this. These abuser really know how to pick their victims.

  • Snowclone@lemmy.world
    481·
    5 个月前

    I was hanging out with this girl my age in high school a lot, we were both 17, I thought it was going well, then some full grown adult said she was pretty at Walmart and I had to move on with my life.

  • Dorkyd68@lemmy.world
    19·
    5 个月前

    When i was in grade 9 a girl in my class started dating a guy that just graduated. His family was Hella poor but this dude had the nicest of everything cars, clothes etc. He was very obviously a 19 y/o drug dealer dating a 14 y/o tgat couldn’t even qualify for a learning permit.

    And everyone was just cool with it. This was in tulsa Oklahoma circa 1999/2000

  • AnarchistArtificer@lemmy.worldEnglish
    40·
    5 个月前

    In school, when I was 13, one of my friends was “dating” a 19 year old. I vividly remember how cool we all thought this was. Reflecting on it makes me feel sick.